skill, yes exactly. you have to *practice* taking the L (or just acknowledging the lack of expertise or knowledge) for the sake of improvement. but it can be developed even if you don't already have it
My favorite skill I tell folks to get is learning to say "I don't know right now, I'll get back to you on that". Being humble is a very valuable skill.
My natural reaction to anyone trying to correct is to start a blood feud but admitting I was wrong about something is unimaginably liberating, as it turns out
I've defused two red-hot fist shaking boss meltdowns this way and both times he looks at me like I've just sliced a chunk out of him and worn it on my head like a hat as he slowly deflates and sulks away dejectedly
Thank you for sharing this. Been preaching this to all I've mentored through the years. You'll go a lot further in life if you admit your wrongs, it's okay.
In my first long term adult relationship she pointed out how I would nod along and pretend to know things when people were talking. I realized it was because "guy who knows things" was a big party of my identity. But then I realized that "guy who knows things" had to learn them from somewhere.
So why not appreciate the people who told me new things? I still know a lot of things, but I make sure that people who teach me new things know that and how much I appreciate it!
I do this all the time, I realized a long time ago that even if someone tells me something I already knew, it's much better to reply with "thank you for letting me know". People don't like being told that the I formation they told you was useless to you
Most valuable things I said today, “I must have misunderstood what you wanted. I’d love some more information.” (Humblebrag, or just 50 year old, cis, white male comfortable/secure enough to own it (Humblebrag^2))
I have absolutely *disarmed* aggressive people with “Oh shit; thanks for educating me.” It’s fucking magic. I had an ex-Marine at Defcon last year thank *me* for reacting that way to him correcting my use of “PTSD.” Shit’s the new How to Win Friends and Influence People.
One of the great things about living in this era is that knowledge is essentially fractal and infinite, and I will never run out of new things to learn.
Speaking from experience, I'll just say that it can be painful to "learn" here, with people hammering you on your "bad take" even when you've managed to grow.
Comments
I mean yes! i agree~
I suspect it may be because they'd rather not do the work to have an *informed* opinion and don't want to admit it.
(See also: "I have a right to my opinion!")
Along with “Hell, I didn’t know for ages either, so don’t worry about it”.
not knowing things is fine, learning new things is good and healthy!
I will never stop learning new shit, and that is okay
I love it!
and not even a good one.
i’m not saying being dogpiled is good or fun, but it’s also not an acceptable excuse.