Report: 32% Of Prayers Deflected Off Passing Satellites theonion.com/report-... - ThreadSky

theonion.com • 89 days ago

Report: 32% Of Prayers Deflected Off Passing Satellites
https://theonion.com/report-32-of-prayers-deflected-off-passing-satellites-1819569691/

Comments

gee-emm.bsky.social•89 days ago

The only thing out there that hears prayers. At least satellites are real. 😁

xero110.bsky.social•88 days ago

frankenmuppet.bsky.social•89 days ago

Of course the Onion would completely neglect to mention that prayers to Satan are also being blocked by underground power lines and other assorted infrastructure 😏

frankenmuppet.bsky.social•89 days ago

Completely biased opinion piece, as you would expect from a rag like the Onion 😉

secularsteve.bsky.social•89 days ago

Is that’s what happening? 😆

prairie-boy.bsky.social•89 days ago

Thoughts and prayers is what uneducated people say when their too lazy to do something meaningful.

joanstarr.bsky.social•89 days ago

Well, God is all-knowing, so she has accounted for this anomaly. Some percentage of prayers are also communicated directly to the person's pet, and these also require special handling. It's a big job, for a big deity.

opethian86.bsky.social•89 days ago

🤣🤣🤣👍

jclately.bsky.social•89 days ago

dollyfromcali.bsky.social•89 days ago

Are you there God? It’s me Margaret.

gamblinbf.bsky.social•89 days ago

Thank you. This made me LOL... and I needed it this morning!!

kimberlion.bsky.social•89 days ago

Only Starlink ones.

texannie.bsky.social•88 days ago

So bad and funny.

painedumonde.bsky.social•89 days ago

Thank Ceiling Cat.

billz3bub.bsky.social•89 days ago

That Elon thinks of everything! #truegenious

dw2112.bsky.social•89 days ago

poissoncake.bsky.social•89 days ago

Careful onion - this could turn out to be the root source of some wild conspiracies soon. I wish i was joking.

davidnzuk.bsky.social•89 days ago

What was it before starlink?

cryofly.bsky.social•89 days ago

Gosh... Musk strikes again!

prismcomplex.bsky.social•89 days ago

Deflected to where, aaand can they answer any of em?? I’m looking to switch prayer carriers anyways

dani-daniels.bsky.social•89 days ago

It doesn’t seem farfetched that MTG could make this a talking point.

edwasright.bsky.social•89 days ago

They're not being deflected, the Jewish space lasers are sitting them down

parsonsjm.bsky.social•89 days ago

Oh okay.

ferniebrae.bsky.social•89 days ago

That’s a surprisingly low number!

stonejackit.bsky.social•89 days ago

What about thoughts?

gee-emm.bsky.social•89 days ago

People that pray generally are unable to think.

dw2112.bsky.social•89 days ago

74% 🙂

andersloost.bsky.social•89 days ago

The thoughts are all recorded and reviewed by AI for impurity

acg3884-97c.bsky.social•89 days ago

Thoughts are smaller than prayers and are able to pass through solid matter. Kinda like neutrinos or Higgs-Boson particles.

maker-of-vibes.bsky.social•89 days ago

Thanks Elon.

toddmcjunkin.bsky.social•89 days ago

😂

adoboblue.bsky.social•89 days ago

🤣🤣🤣🦔

rostaman.bsky.social•89 days ago

"NASA not concerned, since the newly calculated prayer success rate (0.0 * 0.68) shows no change."

ntmagpie.bsky.social•89 days ago

lakesvet.bsky.social•89 days ago

LOL
Is this the way we get some MAGA "Christians" to turn on Musk?
Tell them that the prayers that aren't being answered are bouncing off Starlink Satellites. And it's only going to get worse.

wester6.bsky.social•88 days ago

Diabolical. I like it. And it might work too. Some of these people are not....swift. Let's do it.😁

alvarvog.bsky.social•89 days ago

flyaway.bsky.social•89 days ago

When my daughter had a Muslim friend in high school, occasionally she'd be here when it was time for prayers. I figured Mecca would be southeast, and showed her where that was inside the house.

Turns out they use great circle routes!