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theonion.com
•
13 hours ago
Local Teen Invents Masturbation | Onion News Network
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[–]
tanglingbat06.bsky.social
•
10 hours ago
Bullshit, I invented masturbation in 500 B.C.
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[–]
hurricanebady.bsky.social
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13 hours ago
The random Wings of Fire book that just pops in the frame?!?! Lmao?
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[–]
bluizu.bsky.social
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11 hours ago
FINALLY
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[–]
cam84.bsky.social
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5 hours ago
I have my own survey results based on a participation of 1. Highly recommended.
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[–]
dfrye120.bsky.social
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13 hours ago
If he could only find a way to time travel through masterbation.
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[–]
logicl1.bsky.social
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13 hours ago
Bullshit!
I invented it in 1974!
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[–]
boots.mcgavin.rocks
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13 hours ago
Should have patented it bro idk what to tell ya ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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[–]
dirtyboy69.bsky.social
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13 hours ago
Five years earlier and it would have been the magic number 69...
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[–]
bruisr.bsky.social
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6 hours ago
Giving this new invention a try. I'll report back.
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[–]
bruisr.bsky.social
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6 hours ago
Oh.. oh, that was fun! I'll be doing this a lot!
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[–]
201d.bsky.social
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13 hours ago
I knew I should have filed a patent but I got distracted by some late 90s dial-up porn.
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[–]
rayvnn.bsky.social
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13 hours ago
Next stop, blindness.
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[–]
jackalsiii.bsky.social
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9 hours ago
no way people start doing this
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[–]
cryofly.bsky.social
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13 hours ago
Do not give ideas to Trump and Mr. Tech Savy Mike Johnson. They will start charging us ...
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[–]
dharmanaturalist.bsky.social
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9 hours ago
I actually remember this moment well.
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[–]
ritastarpattern.bsky.social
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3 hours ago
And then he invented electric cars. He called them Tesla's.
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[–]
deadbodydisco.bsky.social
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11 hours ago
what a hero
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[–]
itsiriss.bsky.social
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2 hours ago
He's going to go far...
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[–]
mapablue.bsky.social
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13 hours ago
what, now?
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[–]
mattmcpeak71.bsky.social
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11 hours ago
Scientists around the world are working vigorously day and night in an attempt to duplicate his findings.
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[–]
bakufoxcat.bsky.social
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13 hours ago
Wings of fire mentioned!!!
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[–]
klahneria.bsky.social
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13 hours ago
He will be a lifetime learner.
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[–]
angrymbecile.bsky.social
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10 hours ago
Fake news!!
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[–]
straightarrow67.bsky.social
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13 hours ago
The most discovered thing in history.
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[–]
foxhoundarmy.bsky.social
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13 hours ago
Next stop, the patent office!
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reply
[–]
marvintherobot666.bsky.social
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13 hours ago
He's really climaxed in terms of discovery
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[–]
corwincannuck.bsky.social
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13 hours ago
A true renaissance man.
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[–]
rogelio32.bsky.social
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13 hours ago
9
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[–]
injytech.bsky.social
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13 hours ago
WINGS OF FIRE MENTION!!!!!
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[–]
rodera.bsky.social
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13 hours ago
In your face, Silicon Valley!!
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[–]
greatpatsby.bsky.social
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13 hours ago
This will be a game changer for basement vaping incels!
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reply
[–]
gratefulforthedead.bsky.social
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10 hours ago
🤣
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[–]
hookersandwhiskey.bsky.social
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12 hours ago
it will never catch on
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[–]
rasputinforever.bsky.social
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12 hours ago
Things they don't want you to know!
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[–]
phen84.bsky.social
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13 hours ago
Ok so when he gets a Time Machine to the beginning of time to teach our ancestors. Can he go back and fix a few historical dark points like Hitler, Rasmussen, Barney the dinosaur?
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[–]
kagon07.bsky.social
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10 hours ago
I knew I should’ve applied for a patent…
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[–]
timamcc1958.bsky.social
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4 hours ago
On Palm Sunday
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[–]
kaitfromseattle.bsky.social
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10 hours ago
Lies. I invented it when I was 3.
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[–]
socialistchi.bsky.social
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13 hours ago
Close enough.
Welcome back, Nicola Tesla
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[–]
axtion-hank.bsky.social
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13 hours ago
😂😂
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[–]
nekrobomb.bsky.social
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13 hours ago
Bayonetta invented it.
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[–]
dirtyboy69.bsky.social
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13 hours ago
All men can do that?
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[–]
msimportantbin.bsky.social
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13 hours ago
Nah … it’d be a false universal generalisation.
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[–]
luvnabroknclock.bsky.social
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13 hours ago
Pssh, whatever. Come back when you've got to doctoratebation, kid.
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[–]
bradley252.bsky.social
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13 hours ago
Did he also invent post-coital dysphoria?
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[–]
msimportantbin.bsky.social
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13 hours ago
Not yet… obviously…
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[–]
pauluspeters.bsky.social
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8 hours ago
The original bitcoin
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[–]
bolterj.bsky.social
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12 hours ago
W⚓️! 🫠
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[–]
david-plumpkin.bsky.social
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9 hours ago
Stephen Miller never figured it out.
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[–]
gordonmoat.bsky.social
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13 hours ago
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[–]
dennis-moore.bsky.social
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11 hours ago
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[–]
brasan.bsky.social
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12 hours ago
I'm pretty sure I was before him, about -79 -80 🙂
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[–]
itsfundamental.bsky.social
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13 hours ago
Finally, a hands on approach to world peace.
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reply
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I invented it in 1974!
Welcome back, Nicola Tesla