Ethical Diamond Company Only Uses White Children To Mine http://theonion.com/... - ThreadSky

grumpy0ldman84.bsky.social•4 days ago

😆

reply

unclestu.bsky.social•4 days ago

Make child labor great again!

reply

finkgshep.bsky.social•4 days ago

The children do yearn for the mines.

reply

iabacon.bsky.social•4 days ago

Must be an Iowa mine.

reply

fauxrrari1.bsky.social•3 days ago

back to this? 1908. Money has no ethics. None.

reply

veganwildchild.bsky.social•4 days ago

reply

ulisesr.bsky.social•4 days ago

lol it really is the onion! there’s a universe somewhere, where white children are mining the diamonds

reply

oldmanbrett.bsky.social•3 days ago

Surely there are enough Children of Elon Musk now to put them to work in a small, artisanal diamond mine.

reply

savvycammom.bsky.social•4 days ago

This is a poke at Elon.

reply

jasonthephotog.bsky.social•4 days ago

They only mine white diamonds

reply

omegaprimal.bsky.social•4 days ago

I didn't know Musk had a Diamond Compagny.

reply

spookyflo.bsky.social•4 days ago

Finally getting rid of DEI in child labor!

reply

n4zi-st0mp3r.bsky.social•4 days ago

These damned kids are stealing all the jobs, with their nimble like rock picking fingers and there non black lung making them able to work longer days.

reply

shylohana.bsky.social•4 days ago

I guess… those child-veterans need jobs

reply

1q4me.bsky.social•4 days ago

Love it!

reply

howlrunner.bsky.social•4 days ago

75% of them are Elons 🤣

reply

winliauw.bsky.social•3 days ago

DOGE mandates canaries shouldn’t be fed on the basis they might be climate change whistleblowers

reply

askmehow.bsky.social•4 days ago

I’d feel better if they had attended private schools and were called Hermione and Rupert.

reply

deltabearlines.bsky.social•3 days ago

What if this is what all of the male-only IVF was for? What if we've been too harsh on him?

reply

ayoungethan.bsky.social•3 days ago

Its easier to see when white kids are worn out with black lung and need to be replaced with a fresh set.

reply

merlevans.bsky.social•3 days ago

No D.E.I.A. Programs there! LOL

reply

love2282.bsky.social•3 days ago

actually the little blonde female child IS D.E.I.A opps they failed again

reply

crystalmariepa5.bsky.social•4 days ago

Turnabout is fair play

reply

falseidol77.bsky.social•4 days ago

Ugh. This is why their diamonds suck. We need DEI hires to keep the incompetent white kids from damaging the company.

reply

uncletantra.bsky.social•4 days ago

Yeah, like THAT is gonna happen.

reply

th3b3std3g3n.bsky.social•4 days ago

Prolly some of Elon's kids

reply

mcvillaseca.bsky.social•4 days ago

This is what all kids with IEPs and 504s are destined for if the Department of Education is dismantled. You are having a hard time finding truly satirical topics

reply

stevennicholson.bsky.social•4 days ago

That's right!

No DEI hires for those mines!

reply

free10.bsky.social•4 days ago

Is this Elon’s diamond mine?

reply

crystalmariepa5.bsky.social•4 days ago

He has an emerald mine filled with thousands of Trump's relatives. The umpa lumpas are treated better, or so they say.

reply

altrocks.bsky.social•4 days ago

The children yearn for the mines!

reply

iwanttobecanadian.bsky.social•4 days ago

Trump and Elon must own this.

reply

sinkwaterband.bsky.social•4 days ago

Good I don't want those DEI diamonds.

reply

osiris777.bsky.social•4 days ago

😂😂😂

reply

yulriddick.bsky.social•4 days ago

There's a girl on the Left, and the young man on the right looks less tough than the girl. Is the Company complying with DEI memos?

reply

moosewithablanket.bsky.social•4 days ago

She just pulled a double shift. The children long for the mines!

reply

missbunnypenny.bsky.social•4 days ago

New version of minecraft just dropped!

reply

lonesometroll.bsky.social•4 days ago

The ipad kids can finally play minecraft IRL

reply

incognotta.bsky.social•4 days ago

Very bigly of them

reply

darkavenger13.bsky.social•3 days ago

You know the world has gone to shit when the Onion has to really up their game on outlandish stories

reply

ibisiki.bsky.social•3 days ago

back in the pandumbic era 🤣🤣🤣
and we couldn’t comprehend how a moron who once used cocaine got elected as the world most powerful man over Al Gore, back in 2000

reply

armscorpio57.bsky.social•4 days ago

Children of The Mines. This should be an Oscar winning film of 2026.

reply

loworderprimate.bsky.social•4 days ago

This sounds like a Trump Executive Order

reply

morunner.bsky.social•4 days ago

This is the most neoliberal idea ever. 😂🤣😂🤣

reply

jabbityjibbity.bsky.social•4 days ago

Appalachia

reply

clemsoncheryl.bsky.social•4 days ago

😄

reply

yeltsin2693.bsky.social•4 days ago

reply

lolmao500.bsky.social•3 days ago

Better :

reply

polyonymous.bsky.social•4 days ago

I'm trying to pretend this isn't likely the actual situation going on in Russia with Ukrainian children 😑

reply

ninjamonkky.bsky.social•4 days ago

Alabama, Louisiana, or Mississippi?

reply

voodooking.bsky.social•4 days ago

Oh thank god. Had me worried

reply

mist25186.bsky.social•4 days ago

+2

reply

greatfausto.bsky.social•3 days ago

That Will be Red States like WV soon… 👍😂

reply

turblescelbor.bsky.social•3 days ago

Man it sucks that so many states are controlled by business owners. Idk how many kids dying in industrial accidents it took to abolish child labor the first time around, but I'm worried it'll take a lot more this time.

reply

greatfausto.bsky.social•3 days ago

Republicans just don’t care….

reply

metsgirl84.bsky.social•3 days ago

Sad part is when those “nostalgia” groups on FB post those old pictures of child coal miners, fisherman, textile workers, canners etc. you always see tons of comments of how those kids “were stronger than kids are today” because of that hard labor, as if it was a positive thing.

reply

greatfausto.bsky.social•3 days ago

And the good ‘ol illiteracy rate was roughly 95%, another goal that Republicans want back

reply

iamathena.bsky.social•3 days ago

Man! Those kids look happy! Not to mention I bet their lungs are nice and pink.

reply

satchtmo.bsky.social•4 days ago

Can I get a hell yeah

reply

guy8q.bsky.social•4 days ago

Rightly so!

reply

spewectawatowor.bsky.social•3 days ago

Glad to find you here

reply

danmayfair7.bsky.social•4 days ago

Okay

reply

jessegraves.bsky.social•4 days ago

Very progressive.

reply

spspmoran.bsky.social•4 days ago

But do they still get to chop off their forearms?

reply

teresalpn.bsky.social•4 days ago

Lol

reply

crash97007.bsky.social•3 days ago

This isn't ok.

reply

grumpyben.bsky.social•4 days ago

Omelas Mining Co.

reply

sandersothom.bsky.social•4 days ago

It’s all fun and games, Onion, until someone shows this to Trump and he declares war on South Africa.

reply

mop-fautneddy.bsky.social•4 days ago

"Can you dig it? I knew that you could."

reply

mindthecrows.bsky.social•4 days ago

🤣🤣🤣🤣

reply

defeq79.bsky.social•4 days ago

About time. Don’t forget to X ray them after each shift because y’all know they love to steal shiny things

reply

urbanista01.bsky.social•3 days ago

So West Virginia?

reply

robinthesky.bsky.social•4 days ago

Sounds like a chuck schumer type of compromise!

reply

chromaticgravity.bsky.social•4 days ago

meanwhile, my solo work that places pro life in an inescapable moral corner presses on. 🥺

#truthovernarrative

pro life:
#blinkerfluidinaction

reply

chromaticgravity.bsky.social•4 days ago

reply

chromaticgravity.bsky.social•4 days ago

reply

crookeddick.bsky.social•4 days ago

Every YA novel circa 2011

reply

ekkochambers.bsky.social•4 days ago

What's funny is that the book they were all poorly copying (the hunger games ofc) did actually have some racial minority characters in it, but when a very prominent and empathetically tragic black character was black in the movie, some racist morons were upset

reply

ekkochambers.bsky.social•4 days ago

Although to be fair, much like all the bad YA dystopian books copying The Hunger Games, the movies... I really missed the point. It focused on the spectacle of children killing each other... Which was literally what the book was warning us about... 😬

reply

mateohh.bsky.social•4 days ago

That was just the first two movies setting up the second two movies though.

reply

johnhoyabembe.bsky.social•4 days ago

Focusing on the spectacle is kind of unavoidable in a visual medium, but a PG-13 rating really isn't the proper way to convey the various messages of The Hunger Games. People should watch Battle Royale instead.

reply

ekkochambers.bsky.social•4 days ago

An R rating might help ngl, don't think being a visual medium is the issue. Tons of films are brutal and harrowing without being sensationalized, hell even some PG-13 ones. The issue is just that it was a Blockbuster, and ppl expect some level of spectacle from this films, even to a degree back then

reply

ekkochambers.bsky.social•4 days ago

Idk what "Battle Royale" is in this context, but I'm guessing you're referencing it as a joke (?) based on the name and the period at the end lol

reply

2890moshark2.bsky.social•4 days ago

Lmfao,

examples tho???

reply

saintron.bsky.social•4 days ago

Tbf every actual picture of kids who were miners look like white kids.

reply

pechelele.bsky.social•4 days ago

(- as long as it's the Dems or the cult's kids [little fingers can go thru things like slicers &scary machinery easier.] Heck little xeagrgnp, whtvr, is a human shield:/
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2023/oct/20/republican-child-labor-law-death

reply

cattlecrafts.bsky.social•4 days ago

Because those were the ones the activists ran off to protect by taking their photos. They ignored the minority kids.

reply

saintron.bsky.social•4 days ago

Just saying that's why it's that way in YA novels.

reply

wendy76.bsky.social•3 days ago

😆 🤣 😂

reply

notsoreaven.bsky.social•3 days ago

That fucked up

reply

mismax.bsky.social•4 days ago

Just like old days

reply

runningonupside.bsky.social•4 days ago

reply

jaycube2001.bsky.social•4 days ago

LOL!!

reply

pryor369.bsky.social•4 days ago

That's so nice. Kids that can't afford the private schools will have something to do now that they are ending public schools.

reply

sobhyanwar99.bsky.social•4 days ago

With all love,I ask for your support and help in spreading this donation so that it reaches the largest possible number.By sharing, you will receive the reward and be a partner in doing good, 5🥪$🙏🏻,Do not be stingy with us by resharing the post🍉 https://gofund.me/d616bc78

reply

nekrobomb.bsky.social•4 days ago

Now I care.

reply

moray76.bsky.social•4 days ago

I honestly feel guilty for laughing. NO children should be mining.

reply

jerrod.bsky.social•4 days ago

If they aren’t white males mining it’s DEI.

reply

supersaiga.bsky.social•4 days ago

this is the kind of joke the anti-woke brigade would make if they understood how to structure a joke, but they don't, so we are left with no other choice but to mock ourselves. we have to do all the work

reply

ratexla.bsky.social•4 days ago

Don't you like work? Aren't these kids passionate about working? Nobody wants to work anymore >>>>>>>>:(

reply

jasminlust.bsky.social•3 days ago

reply

mheck13.bsky.social•4 days ago

Sounds like the Musk family company.

reply

ajbelmont.bsky.social•4 days ago

The children yearn for the mines

reply

karimancer.bsky.social•4 days ago

I'm genuinely waiting for them to start selling "anti-DEI" chocolate in America that proudly advertises how many African child slaves suffered to make it

reply

milesbenjamin.bsky.social•4 days ago

reply

chamfort142.bsky.social•4 days ago

Murray is gonna make future wives smile ;)

reply

bigcrazewolf.bsky.social•4 days ago

If it was really ethical the owners and their offspring would have to labor in the mines. No, my mind cannot be changed.

reply

elynn907.bsky.social•4 days ago

reply

willlondon.bsky.social•3 days ago

Elon would love that….

#PedoGuy
#DogeTwinkHarem
#MassagePlus

reply

neonchinchilla.bsky.social•4 days ago

🤌

reply

sauvez-nos-ames.bsky.social•4 days ago

Lol

reply

thebombent.bsky.social•4 days ago

Is that DEI or reverse DEI ???

reply

samjustice.bsky.social•4 days ago

I think Sarah Fuckerbee Slanders would be OK with that.

reply

beefyhaze.bsky.social•4 days ago

They will be taught valuable life skills.

reply

michaelbuckelew.bsky.social•4 days ago

reply

leilime-parma.bsky.social•4 days ago

☠️

reply

orphanofearth.bsky.social•4 days ago

Conservatives when they find this post “I thought The Onion was supposed to be satire, this is too real!”

reply

1chipchallenge.bsky.social•3 days ago

Shoulda made it Kentucky white children

reply

danie828.bsky.social•4 days ago

😂😂😂

reply

karatebrain.bsky.social•4 days ago

That's bc they won't steal.

reply

communalbrother.bsky.social•4 days ago

waiting for the dipshits to pick this up as a real story in 3, 2, 1

reply

fourtacos.bsky.social•4 days ago

if Trump says it, my stupid boss totally will. lol

reply

rpgz.bsky.social•3 days ago

oh how ethical.. your stories even hit too close to reality every now and then, let's hope this one stays satirical.

reply

florisartist.bsky.social•4 days ago

The perfect alternative to shipping your kids off to summer camp America. Teach them real skills instead of knot tying and rubbing sticks together for fire.

reply

off-cybertruck.bsky.social•4 days ago

oh, but what are their gender identities and sexualities??? we must make sure they only employ the straight boys!

reply

samtrainfan.bsky.social•4 days ago

Keeping women out of this field!? Preposterous!

reply

moosewithablanket.bsky.social•4 days ago

DEI-free child labor, finally!

reply

jeffmthomas.bsky.social•4 days ago

Actually, would Africa consider them DEI hires?

reply

moosewithablanket.bsky.social•4 days ago

This administration is basically pro-apartheid in South Africa so

reply

oddball13.bsky.social•3 days ago

reply

unclerobber.bsky.social•4 days ago

Only merit based slavery here!

reply

bravehoundgabby.bsky.social•3 days ago

🤣

reply

gregory-c-leavitt.bsky.social•4 days ago

It’s about time people realized the value of white children.

reply

sebbearva.bsky.social•4 days ago

Child labor isn’t only for children of color. It’s only fair that white kids also have an opportunity to work!

reply

puto-cabra.bsky.social•3 days ago

Ha. It’s funny when white liberal make jokes to appease black and brown people . But we’re hip to that shit already and see you all lib or conservative as the white privileged racist you are 👎🏾

reply

sageauthor.bsky.social•3 days ago

Lol

reply

newman4554.bsky.social•4 days ago

Finally a not racism company

reply

thornsoftristan.bsky.social•4 days ago

FINALLY One step closer to equal representation!

reply

fucktwitterusers.bsky.social•4 days ago

Not what the parents thought when the kids suggested Minecraft camp

reply

erikgielen.bsky.social•4 days ago

Thanks for the giggle

reply

zerodynamic.bsky.social•3 days ago

I thought that kid had a neck tattoo and I was like "nice"

reply

jpackendorff.bsky.social•4 days ago

“As a modern, sustainable diamond company that prioritizes making all of our products cruelty-free, we want to clarify that we only use the palest, most Caucasian minors to harvest our precious stones,”

reply

shebikes21.bsky.social•4 days ago

🤣🤣🤣

reply

Comments

Posting Rules

Comments

Posting Rules

Reply