FROM THE ARCHIVES: Judge Gives Trump Administration 3 Days To Return Her From El Salvador Prison - ThreadSky

gabbklein.bsky.social•6 hours ago

did she say to "facilitate" her return or to "effectuate" her return though

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serenegoddess.bsky.social•2 hours ago

Smug Onion

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gojiwave.bsky.social•1 hour ago

The "gift" of prophecy is really becoming a pain

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dbelisle61.bsky.social•6 hours ago

The Onion on the fly!
Hot on the heels of the Wisconsin judge fiasco.

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alilnightmusing.bsky.social•2 hours ago

It’s a tough job, but The Onion manages just barely to stay ahead of the actual news.

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pravetz.bsky.social•2 hours ago

Onion predicting the future again

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nottooloud.bsky.social•1 hour ago

ouch

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rhtorres.bsky.social•6 hours ago

...or what?

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ptros.bsky.social•6 hours ago

Jesus fuckin Christ could you guys stop being so on the nose, @bencollins.bsky.social

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rowyourbot.bsky.social•5 hours ago

The Onion is the only thing that makes sense to me now.

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newsjunkieblu.bsky.social•6 hours ago

The Onion is no longer satire.

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robocommie.bsky.social•37 minutes ago

"Satire is a genre... in which vices, follies, abuses, and shortcomings are held up to ridicule, often with the intent of exposing or shaming the perceived flaws of individuals, corporations, government, or society itself into improvement." - Encyclopedia Britannica

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nobodyowens1.bsky.social•6 hours ago

The Onion is now so real it'll make your eyes water.

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mikesand.com•6 hours ago

FROM THE ARCHIVES

... like 2 weeks ago

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thespaceshipper.com•6 hours ago

You no longer make satires but prescience.

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robocommie.bsky.social•38 minutes ago

"Satire is a genre... in which vices, follies, abuses, and shortcomings are held up to ridicule, often with the intent of exposing or shaming the perceived flaws of individuals, corporations, government, or society itself into improvement." - Encyclopedia Britannica

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kearseymorton.bsky.social•6 hours ago

the onion only makes majority reports!

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dr-opus.bsky.social•5 hours ago

What if that has been the truth all along???
A few of The Onion staff (together with several writers from The Simpsons) come from a future where humour has been outlawed (i.e. it's run by President Trumpbot2036) and they travelled back in time and tried to influence us - subtly at first - into ⤵️

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dr-opus.bsky.social•5 hours ago

being a better society by means of satire and parody? Although they could throw in the occasional truth bomb (AKA: prediction), they couldn't be completely open about it in case they're tracked down by terminators with red hats??

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petergratton.bsky.social•6 hours ago

This is...not good. No one re-ups anything from The Onion archive just because.

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unkthemonk.bsky.social•5 hours ago

You better hurry. The insanity of reality is catching up with your satire.

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thedanalytic.bsky.social•6 hours ago

Kash Patel subscribes, confirmed

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joegofar.bsky.social•6 hours ago

https://www.cnbc.com/2025/04/25/fbi-arrest-judge-hannah-dugan-milwaukee.html

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kentonagbone.bsky.social•6 hours ago

ngl kinda wish this was an Onion article too

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joegofar.bsky.social•6 hours ago

Unfortunately we now live in a twisted Onion universe...

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adantejada.bsky.social•6 hours ago

Wow. That was *fast*. It’s either brilliant writing, or the really scary idea that you had it in the can as you saw it as inevitable.

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kittybratz.bsky.social•6 hours ago

This was silly a few days ago….

Now?

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brunopara.bsky.social•6 hours ago

suddenly a whole lot less funny

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marlipie.bsky.social•5 hours ago

Dear Onion Gods, we submit to your all powerful and multilayered omnipotence, and we humbly beg that you spare us from this dystopian nightmare. Please write more about puppies and kittens going forward. Or eels. Or spiders. For Onions sake, can you just create a less hellish timeline?
🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

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slownomaguy.bsky.social•6 hours ago

The Onion keeps coming up with satirical and outlandish content, but every once in awhile you have to check and make sure it’s not a real headline. The times we live in.

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prunepicker.bsky.social•6 hours ago

The onion sometimes cuts close to the bone

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jonesro.bsky.social•6 hours ago

too soon?

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seangone.bsky.social•5 hours ago

Prescient.

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orca7-sf.bsky.social•5 hours ago

Pro. 😜

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lilangelxoxo.bsky.social•1 hour ago

Is it satire if it happens to turn it to be true? That's the real question

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wtfisahandle.bsky.social•6 hours ago

did she try knocking with the hammer?

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tttomblue.bsky.social•6 hours ago

When satire and reality are virtually indistinguishable, then Houston, we have a problem!!!

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tykebrahe.bsky.social•6 hours ago

Satire died on 20th January

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weezles1.bsky.social•5 hours ago

Are you now The Simpsons?

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flagrantlydefiant.bsky.social•6 hours ago

This USED to be satire

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boldevin.bsky.social•6 hours ago

Back in the good old days of two weeks ago

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uristmcbauxite.bsky.social•6 hours ago

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thedrummer.bsky.social•27 minutes ago

Remember when The Onion's articles were funny because they were a little past reality? Well, now it seems they're well within the bounds of how crazy things actually are.

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notcharaznable.bsky.social•6 hours ago

The prescience hurts my soul.

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lyintad.bsky.social•6 hours ago

La La La La, onion’s world

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williamsm.bsky.social•6 hours ago

https://bsky.app/profile/rpsagainsttrump.bsky.social/post/3lnnl3yz6vc2n

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thatguyyouhate6111.bsky.social•6 hours ago

If I hadn’t seen The Onion on the article, I could almost believe this level of ridiculousness was real.

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catefrankgate.bsky.social•6 hours ago

There was a judge Hannah Dugan just arrested for "obstructing ICE"
Probably a test case before they go for the bigger fish.

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dogsitmatter.bsky.social•3 hours ago

I thought The Onion was supposed to be satire.

https://www.axios.com/2025/04/25/hannah-dugan-trump-bondi-fbi-arrest

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thatguyyouhate6111.bsky.social•6 hours ago

Saw that. One more step on the path to authoritarianism.

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boldevin.bsky.social•6 hours ago

"The path to"?

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thatguyyouhate6111.bsky.social•6 hours ago

Yes. The path to. As long as there are still official government sectors that can and do push back on him and don’t let him have his way, we aren’t all the way there yet. The Supreme Court he himself put in has rebuked him.

He can ACT like one, absolutely. But he doesn’t have a crown yet.

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oconnellmark.bsky.social•6 hours ago

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justvisiting74.bsky.social•6 hours ago

Laughing and crying.

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celticdragon1.bsky.social•6 hours ago

Omfg

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boblivion.bsky.social•6 hours ago

Man, you guys can predict! I'd ask you for stock tips but, y'know, Trump.

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canario13.bsky.social•4 hours ago

This would be a nice joke if it wasn’t happening already.

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espinada.bsky.social•6 hours ago

When they try that on me, I’ll just call my cousin Raul in Cuba to get me out. 🤷🏼‍♀️
Fuck Trump.

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fpardalis.bsky.social•6 hours ago

Or else I’m going to wag my finger at you and write a sternly worded letter.

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tourswag.bsky.social•6 hours ago

3 days because Sunday is Pizza night and she doesn;t want to miss it

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humansarehumans.bsky.social•6 hours ago

"Bukele said no take backs so I think we're going to have to honor that common law"

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appliedmaps.bsky.social•5 hours ago

Prophetic

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jerod23.bsky.social•3 hours ago

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akjackson.bsky.social•4 hours ago

Sadly not funny...

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justmissedit.bsky.social•6 hours ago

lol'ed

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jnkle.bsky.social•6 hours ago

Satire was once humorous, now at times it’s just reality.

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maestraoogway.bsky.social•6 hours ago

This would have been funnier if I saw it yesterday. I had to check.

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dougdela.bsky.social•6 hours ago

The accuracy of the Onion's predictions officially rivals that of The Simpsons.

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voodooforce.bsky.social•4 hours ago

Stop it, Onion! You’re disrupting the space-time continuum!

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sheadapts.bsky.social•4 hours ago

Assholes 😂😂😂

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mrgoodbytes.dev•6 hours ago

How fitting since they just arrested an actual judge for immigration...

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goaskalis.bsky.social•6 hours ago

I'm sorry but reality is beating you. Do better ❤️

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infertileinindiana.bsky.social•6 hours ago

Hits a little closer now that they've thrown a judge in jail.

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rocksarenutritious.bsky.social•3 hours ago

You talking about Dugan? I googled "did they jail a judge" and found nothing, however for some reason when I searched the exact same thing on DuckDuckGo it gave me multiple articles on Dugans arrest and even the AI prompt mentioned it (unlike googles which just showed historical cases)

What

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serenegoddess.bsky.social•2 hours ago

1) Is there a US multibillionaire who owns a lot of Google?

2) Was he on stage at Trump's inauguration?

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rocksarenutritious.bsky.social•2 hours ago

He went on stage? I thought he was just sitting there next to Mark and Jeff
(Not that that changes anything ofc)

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serenegoddess.bsky.social•2 hours ago

Huh. I'm changing my mind back.

I didn't (and won't) watch the ceremony, but the Getty images look to me like they were seated behind him, facing the crowd, while he was at the podium

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rocksarenutritious.bsky.social•48 minutes ago

You should watch the ceremony, even if you don't like or support it I doubt you will deny its potential historical significance

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notpodium.bsky.social•2 hours ago

at the *lectern

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serenegoddess.bsky.social•2 hours ago

Do you know, I think I misremembered. The articles say they were seated by Trump, not standing by him.

"When the three wealthiest men in America sit behind Trump at his inauguration, everyone understands that the billionaire class now controls our government"

https://www.france24.com/en/live-news/20250120-tech-billionaires-take-center-stage-at-trump-inauguration

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kingpin6100.bsky.social•6 hours ago

Yeah that's why they reposted it.

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codyamorrison.bsky.social•6 hours ago

Is The Onion did it going to become the new Simpsons did it?

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bestdogmom.bsky.social•4 hours ago

Funny. Decidedly not funny. But quintessentially Onion.

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openingmyheart.bsky.social•4 hours ago

prescient, as always.

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mrdickpound69.bsky.social•3 hours ago

the onion is just predicting future news headlines

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johnvanderwindt.bsky.social•6 hours ago

Too soon

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boldevin.bsky.social•6 hours ago

I feel like 50% of what the onion posts here are old articles that have basically become true. Two weeks does not feel like it's old enough...

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rburnson.bsky.social•6 hours ago

Funny and scary

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tomcrain.bsky.social•5 hours ago

What do the call it when you laugh and scream simultaneously?

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rechan.bsky.social•6 hours ago

It's funny because we're in a freefall.

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ardalis.com•6 hours ago

Too real

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santacruzroots.bsky.social•5 hours ago

Not funny too dark

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jonsimpkins.bsky.social•6 hours ago

Did it only take 2 weeks for this to stop being satire?

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robocommie.bsky.social•6 hours ago

Every single Onion comment is always the same, always showing how people don't understand satire can be real. In fact the whole point of satire is to draw attention to the absurdity of real life by using humor. But every single Onion comment is always the same and has been for 20 years

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frankenmuppet.bsky.social•6 hours ago

I've always said the best satire is believable satire. It's exactly why The Onion is the absolute best at what they do

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scpfoundation.bsky.social•6 hours ago

The Onion used to post unbelievable fake news, Weekly World News style. That's sort of the point here. They can't even be insane anymore because this is where that country is at.

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robocommie.bsky.social•43 minutes ago

No, that's not accurate - Onion has always and still does run stories that rely on absurdity (old headline, "Suicide Letter Full of Simpsons References") but they've always used exaggeration or absurdity to highlight the insanity of the present day. That's what satire IS. It's irony and sarcasm.

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robocommie.bsky.social•42 minutes ago

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scpfoundation.bsky.social•30 minutes ago

"Rely on absurdity" is my point. Insane bullshit. This is hard to do with an admin that constantly does insane bullshit. I know what satire is. You do not have to be condescending, thank you.

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becktionary.bsky.social•6 hours ago

hey now, on X (the everything app) there were also a lot of "you used to be funny" comments. hell, they might still be happening but I don't have an account there anymore so I have no idea

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ahaxton.bsky.social•6 hours ago

Unbelievable and yet not satire: Just today, the FBI arrested Judge Hannah Dugan for obstruction

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ahaxton.bsky.social•6 hours ago

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ahaxton.bsky.social•6 hours ago

Per Norm Eisen

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lowlow55.bsky.social•5 hours ago

3 days is too long this is why we not getting anywhere with these people STOP giving them time and give they asses HOURS because they can make it HAPPEN

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canamvet.bsky.social•5 hours ago

How many times you gonna regurgitate this?

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hintetsomaru.bsky.social•6 hours ago

So I have to ask. do y'all get tired of being Prophetic, at this point, or is it just the cost of living in the stupidest timeline?

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usofdisappointment.bsky.social•4 hours ago

Can you write an article about our public servants actually doing their job to defend the nation from all threats foreign and domestic

Or maybe a hilarious article about the constitution being effective

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