Hey, if you're the parent of a special needs kid, let me just tell you I know it's hard and I know you're doing your best and I know your kid is going to be just fine.
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I had the absolute blessing of a Special Needs child for 24 years. The most important thing he taught me was joy. For example, Dandelions. He was in a wheelchair, but if he saw one, I had to pick it. He had to sniff it. His upper lip was bright yellow from pollen.
I still sniff Dandelions.
My daughter stayed up and woke me up to tell me the news Trump won with tears in her eyes, I’m a girl and I’m autistic what kind of life will I have now she is 14. I will never forget that feeling of my heart being shattered into a million pieces and I will not be forgiving.
And remember parents, to take time for yourself, recharge your battery whenever possible and don’t be afraid to ask for or accept offers of help. You’ll always be able to pay it forward.
I’m a widower raising my daughter who is on the spectrum. We’re lucky cause we spotted it early so she could get services that she needed. She is bright happy kid who is very creative. Her last school didn’t help her and I moved her to a new school where she is thriving!
If I had read this a few years ago, I wouldn't have believed you. But it did get better. Quality SPED programs were a huge part of it. Also, Bluey and camping trips.
It was SOOOO hard at ages 7-12 but by gum, our kid has made it, he’s determined, he says he decided to be who he is, his friends embrace him… so fortunate. It can work, your support matters, friends matter, free will matters 😇
Also? Find your kid a good community college with patient professors. I’ve worked with so many and I love to see the joy they get in such a supportive community.
I love community colleges! I worked at one for 15 years. I recommend them to everyone, including my kids. Our state does free community college for high school grads, so we def took advantage.
1. The fELON is going to undo the DoE and IEPs will become harder to get and maintain.
2. The anti-vax nutcases are basically saying it is preferable to get polio than have autism.
3. In spite of that, human diversity is a beautiful thing & those who are atypical are the best of us.
It’s not my special needs kid I’m worried about, his burned out 13 year old brother and parents (my wife and I) are my concern. My special needs son doesn’t understand the stress/anxiety of having a special needs son/brother. I wish I had your optimism.
I only have the one, but I get it. But the siblings of special needs kids that I do know are some of the strongest most compassionate people out there. I have little good advice by make sure your son knows he's allowed and encouraged to have a life. And that goes for you and your wife too.
Thanks. The problem is (at least for my wife and I) we realize we’re allowed to have a life, but feel guilty when we act upon it. We get zero help (besides my 86 year old mil and her older sister), I just recently lost my job and the DOD is utterly useless. Sorry, just venting.
I have to respectfully disagree. We may all be dealing with similar issues, but we’re mostly alone. If you’re one of the lucky ones, you were able to maintain friends and outside relationships…we unfortunately have not. I’m getting older now and just don’t have the energy for it.
Thanks Jeremy.
That sounded glib. What I meant is that we are here. I’m here. I mean it. Ping me. It definitely feels like you’re alone and in many ways you are, but as different as each kid is, we’re all dealing with “similar” chaos
That's the trick. And I don't know the answer on how not to feel guilty. Doing stuff together is vital but if you can't, do something solo. I am a better dad when I'm refreshed. And also find help (dm me) insurance covers some in home services. An adult needs to be there but you can actually relax
Thanks. It could be a lot harder, and they made it to 25 and are a swell person who does their best and makes an effort and what more could I want? But yeah. Thanks.
I live with autism and when I was young people told my parents I’d make it nowhere. Today I teach students with autism in a mainstream setting, wrote an award winning book and am internationally recognized. Never say never. Kevin I like your attitude.
I'd slap anyone who said my kids would make it nowhere. My youngest is exploring where he wants to work, and my eldest is applying for grad school and considering going for a PhD.
My grandson is autistic, I have been teaching for 34 years and my daughter is an Exceptional Children’s teacher. Grandson was born into the right family.
I spent many years being the pain in the ass parent of a disabled kid. I always say if I had seen where she’d be as an adult, I’d have slept a lot better when she was a two-year-old. But getting appropriate services/accommodations is way harder and more adversarial than it has to be….
From someone in the disability community, just letting you know that the majority of disabled people find the term “special needs” to be negative and ableist. Just using the word disabled is fine.
That may be because many see the word disabled as a negative thing. It’s not. Disabled is disabled. There’s nothing wrong with it. The reason “special needs” is seen as negative is because our needs aren’t special. They’re the same as everyone else’s, we just need different ways of achieving them.
My autistic/ADHD 8-year-old’s reading has gone off the charts this year, and he’s just a whiz at math. He just got approved to use assistive technology in his class, and I’m just so excited for him.
My autistic/ADHD 12-year-old (happy birthday to her) got a part in the middle school musical, AND she’s understudying for a few other parts. She LOVES theater, AND she’s the smartest kid on the planet. I have a happy middle schooler, which sounds weird but is apparently possible.
Thanks. Some days it’s really good to hear it (and not to be a pedantic asshole, but “special needs” is a term falling out of favor with the disability community. Needs aren’t special - they’re just needs. But I know your heart is in the right place and that is appreciated).
Yesterday was a heartbreaking day for my special needs kid (issues with his accommodations during MAP testing). I got triggered because I also have special needs and today I feel like a complete failure as a parent. Thank you for this post. ❤️
I agree, born w/disabilities, work as fashion stylist for incredible disabled actors, public figures, and professionals. In the disability justice community we’re working to create a world they’ll thrive in!
Do ‘special needs kids’ include violently mentally ill? Because I’ve lived it, I’ve seen parents & children suffer, and I would never tell such a family it was going to be fine.
My adult son will always need round-the-clock support. Someday, we might find a better way to manage his anxiety, which can tip over into aggression. But "fine" doesn't have to mean approaching normalcy. For us, things became "fine" when we accepted life as it is and focused on loving each other.
That being said, I don't mean to minimize how hard it is for many, including us. I would feel less overwhelmed if I knew that my son would continue to lead a comfortable and rewarding life after I can no longer care for him. Not knowing that is painful.
I just responded to the original post from a similar place. My kiddo gets super aggressive and can’t communicate his needs verbally. I absolutely believe the OP meant well and that this matters to him, but I also am not convinced it will end up being fine.
Appreciate the kind sentiment. Our autistic 13 year old son has seen amazing growth in the last couple of years. Looking forward to seeing what the future holds for him.
I am a part time respite worker for people with special needs. Some of these parents are fucking awesome! The job isn't easy. I've been blessed to meet a lot of great families ❤️.
Same. On one hand, the Internet has allowed my daughter to find those that share her interests. On the other hand, she’s vulnerable to some really mean people. It’s a helpless feeling!
I can relate. Mine is on her 5th gap year post high school, still traumatized by school, just surviving day to day. No local resources/programs that will accept her. We need support! Sending hugs! 🤗
Where were you ten years ago when I was almost in a rubber room trying to cope? It does get better. Make sure you take time for yourself and ask for help. There are resources out there. I wish I would have done better seeking them out.
Thanks for your words! We need to hear them, even when everything around us seems to go the other way. One day at the time, one hour at the time, one minute at the time. This is my approach to it.
I have a high support needs kiddo. I appreciate the sentiment but in this society I am not sure he will be just fine. He will likely need significant care his whole life and I don’t think there are sufficient or high enough quality services to really help. All I can do is…not die?
Truth. Been there, seen that with my now 23-year-old ASD son. There was a time when we didn't think he could function in a regular classroom. He's now in grad school, working on an M.S. in Physics. With patience, love, and support they find their way.
I co-lead a Caregivers group for parents of neurodivergent kids at work and will be sharing this with our group. Agree 💯 with your comments. The extra love and support provided by the kids’ parents is amazing. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Thanks for this. Fighting an uphill battle to get my ADHD/dyscalculia-kid’s math teacher to follow her IEP. He just needs to put fewer problems on the page. Her US History teacher is a gem - so much that she wants to be a social studies teacher!
Her guidance counselor is a dream too. Her mantra is, if a kid with an IEP is failing, the adults are failing the kid. Should be the mantra for every IEP/504 kid but really, all kids.
Can confirm. My son is 26 and is doing great. The best thing a parent can do for any child is show them you love them and teach them they are good enough just the way they are.
My son with autism is a young adult. It was so hard when he was an aggressive, nearly non verbal toddler who couldn’t be left a moment with his little sister. I could not envision who he would become: kind, smart & loving. We are enormously fortunate that he made so much progress.
My son is high functioning Autistic, honor roll in regular public school, no IEP, but struggles with social understandings. Yesterday he came home and said no one picked him AGAIN, for a group project. My level of mama bear rage and also heartbreak for him was an internal battle I almost lost. 😡 😭
Thankful mine is almost out of school. As a student who has always attended school on a telepresence robot, he's greatly benefitted from extra school system support.
Now if he can only stay healthy through Covid/RSV/Flu, he'll see another birthday. He's outlived predictions by 15 years already.🙂
my daughter came from a special needs background, and with early intervention and pullout classes she did just fine: honors student, social work, a beautiful caring person. yes, it’s a little scary and often demanding, but the more you put into it, the more your kid will get out of it. promise.
Mom of an autistic kid here. It was a hugely wild ride but she has found her stride at 28. Still bumps and zigzags but overall would never believe we would be where she is. Raised her as though she could be whatever she wanted.
I’m caregiver to my 6yo gs with Ds. He is my life. He is “pre-verbal” our words and we hope so much that he will speak so that others understand him too!
My autistic son, fairly high-functioning, not enough to work or live on his own, is 39. When his mother and I are gone, he's likely to end up on a street corner with a cardboard sign begging for money. Resources for adults like him are virtually nonexistent. I hate this country.
My Aspergers, bi-sexual 22 yr old twin sons woke me up at 4 AM after the election to tell me that our state (PA) went for Trump. Their confusion, misery and fear were something I never witnessed from them before. I will never forgive the GOP for how they made them feel. F**k.
I want to fire most of my husband's family into the sun for their votes for the orange menace and Dave McCormick. Thanks for voting against your granddaughter/niece assholes.
I get it. My 24 yr old autistic daughter has really struggled since the election. The unknown future is difficult, but one we know will be filled with such cruelty is too much!
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I still sniff Dandelions.
But thank you, and same ❤️
My grandparents get the credit for helping me because both of my parents worked full time. They took me to all of my doctor visits and OT/PT.
I'm an independent adult, thanks to them. ❤️
thank you for the good intention
2. The anti-vax nutcases are basically saying it is preferable to get polio than have autism.
3. In spite of that, human diversity is a beautiful thing & those who are atypical are the best of us.
Thanks Jeremy.
It's appreciated.
So, thank you for saying it now, and I hope parents where I was 4 years ago are listening.
Glad to hear you're on the other side.
If it’s nice you need to tell them…
If it’s criticism or advice, they already know and they are working on it
him loved and alive at this point. He feels like he has no future off the internet.
We were told he would never function in a regular school.
He graduated from a good college 2 years ago.
Don't ever believe ppl who tell you your kid can't do it.
I try to support the parents of autistic kids in my life, help them
Understand their kids’ point of view.
My dissertation is due in May. Plz
Send help.
You're a force for good in the world and you're appreciated. Have a cat pic.
Glad her History teacher gets it!
Now if he can only stay healthy through Covid/RSV/Flu, he'll see another birthday. He's outlived predictions by 15 years already.🙂
She is a die-hard Trumper.
What's the advice?
it's increasing on social media. It's hurtful & adds to these family's burdens.