This happens to me with supervisors every time I have a job, because I often ask questions about why things are done specific ways and how that reinforces division in our society. Then I get classed insubordinate and either fired or have to quit bc I've been frozen out to where I can't do my job.
For me, the worst reactions consistently come from "How?" or "Do you have an example?"
From my dad 30yrs ago saying "You need to fix your attitude" to my friend 6mos ago saying "Tolkien wasn't that good at writing," asking for an abstract statement to be made concrete seems to piss folks right off.
We need a book for NTs telling them that they don't have to get upset whenever someone seeks clarity or guidance. They're the ones with a problem, not us.
100%! This book was written for us ND’s and it presented us as the norm and NTs as ones who need their behaviour explaining and it was very amusing and made me feel so seen
I'm more inclined to believe that people get mad when they are asked a lot of questions that require them to think about issues they've never thought about before.
"Why do you do it like that?"
"I don't know, because it has always been done that way!"
Those are usually the times I get snapped at. But im genuinely asking why because I want to learn and got my brain to understand and not at all trying to attack or make them feel bad. I am just curious
I honestly felt so bad asking questions that I ended up going the other way and end up hardly ever asking any, instead opting to figure things out myself and [hopefully] ask when something doesn't work.
... usually it's an issue that most other people are not familiar with, sigh.
I think I must have learnt the same very very young bc my whole life I’ve felt like I need to work out things for myself, basic things like what to do at a restaurant or bank and it didn’t occur to me until I got much older that I could just ask.
I have started specifically saying to my partner that I am asking for informational reasons when I notice him getting wound up because of questions. Doesn't always stop the spiral but sometimes it reminds him kiddo and I are not playing that game
Yeah, you need to do it with people who have heard about the difference before they get stressed. They hear it as more snark if you tell them while they already think you are having a go
Same! Adding that context (with someone close at least who understands your motives and can rely on a pattern of behaviour) can resolve some tension before things fully spiral out of control but it can get tiring having to be the one to constantly diffuse situations that never needed to be heated
My child has ADHD and so when we interact, the mask comes off. I also stopped trying so hard to mask after my diagnosis, but the problem with doing that as a woman, especially at mum age, is that I am still spending a lot of time managing other people's feelings about it
Honestly, I don’t know. But so long as you’re open to questions then hopefully they will feel more comfortable? Some people can seem to respond coldly to questions even if they don’t intend to, so it’s just a matter of communication with the people we’re around the most. ☺️
A lot of more senior people do get snippy about questions, and that trains junior people to be scared to ask them.
You have to go beyond being open to questions, and actively solicit them. Eventually you can build a reputation for being someone who likes questions, and that helps.
I can’t wait for you to get it! It’s a quick easy read too, it’s so accessible. And there is even a glossary for translating a few NT phrases. I keep giggling.
Mine are so supportive of people who understand. I’m sorry people got mad at you (which is amusing bc clearly they felt under attack looking for a reason to fight rather than just realising that’s how their conversations work???)
I had a bad interaction with someone IRL and posted what I thought was a fairly innocuous comment about a video I'd seen some months prior, only to receive #NotAllNeurotypicals takes that deliberately missed the point and it briefly turned into a discourse (derogatory). Glad it's going well for you!
Ahhh, the not all’s. I freaking hate that phrase, thats the entire point of a generalisation. It’s not all, but it’s enough. It’s also contextual, but nope, people can’t see that instantly go into defence mode because you’ve ‘attacked’ them but stating a general fact about language.
They didn't actually use the hashtag, of course, but the tenor of the replies was the same and from the usual subsection of folks who suddenly see a post that has nothing to do with them and who don't follow, but nevertheless felt an urgent need to to #WellActually.
Yeah, it’s the undertones. The ‘well I don’t do that so it can’t be true’ when maybe they haven’t really looked at their own behaviour and even more so, the original statement never said ALL NT’s.
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The Autist’s Guide To The Galaxy; Navigating the world of ‘normal people’. - Clara Törnvall.
From my dad 30yrs ago saying "You need to fix your attitude" to my friend 6mos ago saying "Tolkien wasn't that good at writing," asking for an abstract statement to be made concrete seems to piss folks right off.
namely around the notion NT would accuse ND of asking questions in an attempt to derail
precisely because that's the NT's own relation with the world and their attitude towards ALL criticism
"Why do you do it like that?"
"I don't know, because it has always been done that way!"
... usually it's an issue that most other people are not familiar with, sigh.
Do I ask though? Prefer not to.
I keep telling people that I have been unhappy far more often about questions that weren't ask than ones that were.
You have to go beyond being open to questions, and actively solicit them. Eventually you can build a reputation for being someone who likes questions, and that helps.
It’s so good!!!
The Internet! I love it, but 🤷