The police won't do anything. She needs to go to her parents. They're supposed to get married? He gets that ring on her finger &, he will rape her daily.
This guy is an evil abuser, no question about that.
But, I would like to point out that if her parents hadn't taught her that she needed to "save herself" and probably only let her have abstinence-only sex education, she might not have been so confused about the right thing to do when it happened.
For me, what's more important, and what is usually missing in these cases, is an explanation for why those things are off limits. Also, children need to know that even if they violate the limits, they may not be forgiven but they can always count on love and support from their parents.
The saddest part to me is she doesn't even realize how bad it was. She says low key violated like it's a small thing. And she's not even sure she can call it a violation. I can only hope some of the responses get through to her.
Oh he's dangerous! Break off the engagement and NEVER speak to him again.
Maybe tell or don't. I can't tell whether your family would rightly stomp him into next week or if they'd try to shame you for what was NOT your fault.
Poor woman really sounds like she was brought up in a religion that has taught her to devalue herself to the point of denying her own rape in deference to her fiancé's reputation.
I hope she escapes that too.
Break off the engagement. Tell your parents he was violent and leave too if they won’t support you. He will do this again and it will get worse not better.
Jesus, please tell me every comment is SCREAMING at her that he raped her and to GTFO. Tell her parents, go to the police, and don’t let anyone deter her. He doesn’t want her to tell because he KNOWS what he did and doesn’t want that smoke and is manipulating her into keeping quiet.
Read the post on AITAH. Everyone called it rape and told her to report it, leave, etc. She replied that she spoke with her mom, all is well, and they are still getting married. OMG
She is, but I bet you ANYTHING she's been repeatedly brutalised by HER bastard husband. Look how the girl said he'd believe she'd ''gone all the way'' and allll the subtext of THAT.
Holy crap, I hope she didn’t marry him for crying out loud. He’s going accelerate his violence now he crossed the line. She definitely should go to the police & never see him again.
I would report to police, but not necessarily push for prosecution, however definitely tell her parents and friends. This man is a rapist and if they marry will continue to rape her, but also violently attack her. She needs to run from him. She is not in the wrong or done anything wrong.
She needs to run far away, between the abusive fiance and what seems to be a fundie religious background she's not going to get help in her current community
This is why predators love young, naive women. She’s only 20 FFS. Of course she’s going to feel shame and guilt for something that is not even remotely her fault.
I’d bet good money this wasn’t his first time. Men just don’t go from non-violent, non-sex offenders to raping their fiance a week before their wedding.
The police won't do shit, but she definitely needs to tell her parents. And if this is all 100% true as written, she could just show them that and not have to say the words in front of her Dad, which is super hard... Especially in protective families like this.
The math! Known each other since she was 15 and he was 21, started talking when she was 16-18 to his 22-23, and together since she was 18 to his 24. 🚩‼️
She's not safe with him OR her relatives so there's no WAY the police will be on her side. Zero. I hope she finds some kind of womens aid type place to get her tf OUT of there
She needs to call off the wedding. When people ask why, she needs to tell them that he forced her to her knees and forced her to perform oral sex. When they say, "But he's so nice" she can tell them that she thought so, too, but this is who he really is. I hope she tells everyone as a warning.
When he says not to tell anyone because they'll think she had sex, he's threatening to tell people they had sex unless she stays quiet. Doing this the week before the wedding means she has time to get out - he's counting on her being too embarrassed to call it off. He wasn't nice, he was pretending.
That poor kid. She must live somewhere with horrible, if any, sex ed. And nobody's ever taught her about consent - I mean, *really* taught her what it means.
She needs to tell her parents and dump his ass. And if her parents won't support her, she needs to dump their asses, too.
This won't end well. I really hope someone gets some sense through to her. Do not marry this man. Absolutely report TF out of this. That's literally the only reason he doesn't want her saying anything. Because he knows he committed a serious felony.
And this is the problem with religious upbringings. Boys are conditioned to view women as objects, and girls don’t even know enough to recognize when they’ve been raped. She needs to get away from him, her parents, and her religion.
It's extra alarming that, wherever she grew up and whatever education she has, she doesn't even understand what he did was clearly wrong.
There's no grey area here.
She's describing sexual assault but she doesn't seem aware of how clear-cut a case this is.
He means it won’t happen again while they are engaged. If he thinks he’s entitled to it now, wait until they are married. He is going to expect compliance.
I hope she didn’t marry him. Will only get worse for her. She’s focused on the act before marriage vs the act of him holding her against her will and r*ping her. Sad for her. Hope she runs off, tells the police, and maybe her parents too.
I wondered if you'd seen this. It make me sick to read, especially as it seemed Mother is the "just grin and bear it" type. This poor child is so brainwashed.
Comments
But, I would like to point out that if her parents hadn't taught her that she needed to "save herself" and probably only let her have abstinence-only sex education, she might not have been so confused about the right thing to do when it happened.
Maybe tell or don't. I can't tell whether your family would rightly stomp him into next week or if they'd try to shame you for what was NOT your fault.
I hope she escapes that too.
Poor girl was raised making absolutely sure she has no idea she's entitled to sexual agency.
And what do we hear? “It’s not every man!”
But it is every woman. Every woman has a story. Every woman knows what it is to feels uncomfortable, disgusted, afraid, uneasy, ashamed, or violated.
Every. Single. Woman.
Plus he was 24 when she was 18. Creep.
Get rid of him. Pronto.
He's going to be like that every day of their marriage.
She needs to tell her parents and dump his ass. And if her parents won't support her, she needs to dump their asses, too.
If she marries him, he will continue to abuse her. He will continue to batter her, insult her, rape her.
There's no grey area here.
She's describing sexual assault but she doesn't seem aware of how clear-cut a case this is.
Call off the wedding
Find a therapist not affiliated in any way with your family or church. Then listen to them
One last thing - grip, twist, pull sideways. Those dangly bits have surprisingly tenuous connection points