So bizarre, I don't understand the hangup with sterilization, and I certainly don't see how it gets tied to these abstract notions if manhood and womanhood
I mean nothing is removed during a vasectomy! If a 3rd child is a total no go then either of them getting sterilised is a good idea as birth control can fail. This whole losing manhood/womanhood is just ridiculous. What will his idea of menopause be? Or is that different because it’s ‘natural’?! He
A year ago I'd have said, it's not his fucking choice. Unfortunately every damned state is making it his choice and not hers to the point where they've scared the medical community with legal action if they don't comply.
The Handmaid's Tale wasn't dystopian fiction, it was a warning.
Unfortunately many doctors will actually check with him before performing the procedure. I don’t know if marriage counseling would help this, or if she just needs to leave.
The 'refuses to allow' bit pretty much settles that.
she, and her children, need to be as far away from that misogyny as possible, as soon as possible.
I still find that just unbefuckinglievable. On what planet should a competent adult seeking a medical procedure require anyone’s consent but their own?
I'm a guy, so you might feel my opinion doesn't matter, but when you're in a partnership.. well, she's having or had the conversation with him for a reason.
If she still wants to and does, that's totally her choice and freedom, but it might end their relationship. She has to decide which she wants.
Right. From the information available to us, I would pick the second choice and suggest doing so, but people's feelings apparently cause them to do illogical things.
Your opinion matters.
You’re right, it’s ultimately her choice. She had the conversation because he’s her partner and she included him for that reason. He should respect that and Listen To Her, have a real conversation.
I agree, he should respect her and listen. Having... or Starting a conversation like that is a good way to probe the relationship and see if its worth keeping or not.
I believe she did right by starting the conversation with him. I also think he didn't treat her well. Based on evidence given.
How quaint.
He thinks he gets a say about what she does with her own body.
I guess he thinks he gets final say in what she does if she needs, say, the day after pill, or, gods forbid, an abortion?
What about marital rape; does she get to say 'no', or is she simply his s̶l̶a̶v̶e̶ property?
Wow. I’m not a woman because I had a hysterectomy? I had stage 4 endometriosis and all my organs on the left side were impacted and my left ovary was non-viable. But sure. Let me stay in pain and possibly die so I can be a “woman”.
He wants no more kids but won’t take a for sure precaution?
Will it now be hard for me to renew my license and stuff? If I’m not a woman, despite having a vagina and one ovary and fallopian tube, then how do I register now? I know Trump is wanting to ban going by a gender outside the one you were assigned at birth so…anyone?
What an absolute shithead. He just wants the option that requires zero effort from him, no matter how it affects her. BC works great for some, terrible for others.
It would affect him though, she would have surgery and be incapacitated for a bit...maybe even requiring his help! And she might not be available for sex! The horror!
Choices:
Discuss abortion;
Insist he use condoms;
Bring him to the doctor and have the doc explain it;
Go to therapy, alone first, then bring him;
See if he can get the “male pill” for a month so he can experience the side effects;
Send him off for a week with the kids and get tubal ligation.
He obviously doesn't understand what they do in a vasectomy. Organs aren't removed? They just cut some tubes and seal them off. He is being unreasonable. She shouldn't have to suffer physically forever because he is a little bitch.
If he's not comfortable with her getting sterilized, that's his right. But he needs to be able to have that conversation with her, and they both need to be willing to walk away if there's no consensus to be had.
Why is he comfortable with her being miserable and in pain? Why is it his right? Being uncomfortable with himself getting a vasectomy is one thing but for her body? When she is the one on birth control and she will be the one who gets pregnant? And what would he do if she got pregnant and didn’t
want an abortion? A vasectomy is a minor procedure, more so than tying her tubes and it’s his right to control what happens with his body but not with her’s. Why doesn’t he want his wife to feel better?
All I can speak to is that I got a vasectomy against my wife's wishes. She was hurt by my choice but never refuted my right to make it. It has taken a lot of work to repair our relationship from that rupture
“Refuses to allow me to go down that path” good thing it’s not his fucking decision then. She should get whatever procedure she wants, and then protect herself from pregnancy even more by throwing out her asshole husband who doesn’t give a shit about her.
(But at this point, I wouldn’t give the dude the satisfaction of taking the easy road of not having periods anymore and him getting his way. Dude can pack his crap or find it on the curb or go get himself a snip — which doesn’t have to remove anything, just get a couple knots installed.)
The logic is not mathing here. Doesn't want a third child but doesn't want her to remove her reproductive organs because it will make her less of a woman? How about they just go without sex from now on. I'm sure he would be absolutely fine with that compromise, I'm sure🙄
First off, he doesn't seem to understand either of the surgeries in question. A tubal ligation and vasectomy don't remove anything.
Second, how does not know the pill makes her miserable? Has she been grinning and bearing it for all their years together?
Just use condoms then, buddy.
Geez.
Bet he refuses condoms because none are big enough or some other bullshit excuse. He just sounds like someone utterly unwilling to change status quo because it suits him perfectly.
Yeah, I just don't get.
Maybe I like bae an unusual amount, but condoms have never been that big a burden.
Like, "Look! No leaks! Complete safety! Woot!"
No hormonal weirdness.
How is he unaware of what the pill has been doing to her? How do you not care about the mother of your children?
Tubal ligations aren't really done anymore-- it's bilateral salpingectomy (removal) because the ends of the tubes can form cancer. But uh, it's not a hysterectomy-- everything else is still in there. You have periods, etc.
It’s just the fact that he thinks her getting a tubal ligation or a hysterectomy would end her womanhood. I’ve had both procedures done and I am still very much a woman. And my partner and I still have an enjoyable sex life. I just don’t live with excruciating pain for several days every month.
🤨 This is going to end poorly for her. Assuming she stays with him. Op you need to do what's right for *you*. If he isn't being supportive, then that's no relationship at all. He obviously doesn't care about your needs.
Comments
The Handmaid's Tale wasn't dystopian fiction, it was a warning.
she, and her children, need to be as far away from that misogyny as possible, as soon as possible.
If she still wants to and does, that's totally her choice and freedom, but it might end their relationship. She has to decide which she wants.
1) Stay in a relationship with a partner who clearly doesn't care about you or your well-being.
2) Don't.
Tough choice...
You’re right, it’s ultimately her choice. She had the conversation because he’s her partner and she included him for that reason. He should respect that and Listen To Her, have a real conversation.
I believe she did right by starting the conversation with him. I also think he didn't treat her well. Based on evidence given.
He thinks he gets a say about what she does with her own body.
I guess he thinks he gets final say in what she does if she needs, say, the day after pill, or, gods forbid, an abortion?
What about marital rape; does she get to say 'no', or is she simply his s̶l̶a̶v̶e̶ property?
She did everything right and considered her partner's opinion (which isn't necessary for her to do it, but shows she values her partner.)
He deserves a divorce for something so childish.
He wants no more kids but won’t take a for sure precaution?
Discuss abortion;
Insist he use condoms;
Bring him to the doctor and have the doc explain it;
Go to therapy, alone first, then bring him;
See if he can get the “male pill” for a month so he can experience the side effects;
Send him off for a week with the kids and get tubal ligation.
It’ll make the divorce much messier and no kids deserve a
selfish idiot as a father.
(Well, technically, there is endometrial ablation, which has a small risk of (mostly ectopic/nonviable) pregnancy afterwards, and everything stays.)
Second, how does not know the pill makes her miserable? Has she been grinning and bearing it for all their years together?
Just use condoms then, buddy.
Geez.
Maybe I like bae an unusual amount, but condoms have never been that big a burden.
Like, "Look! No leaks! Complete safety! Woot!"
No hormonal weirdness.
How is he unaware of what the pill has been doing to her? How do you not care about the mother of your children?
He enjoys the control
He enjoys the conflict