Are you a "can't make eye contact" autistic or a "successfully trained yourself to make sustained eye contact to the point that you once got a subway masturbator to stop simply by unnervingly staring at him" autistic.
Comments
Log in with your Bluesky account to leave a comment
I'm extremely short sighted so if I'm even looking in your direction that is de facto eye contact for me. I prefer to look at my shoes, I don't like attracting attention & I have nice shoes.
Relatively neurotypical here but my last boss (an asshole) used to wang on about studying body language, and avoiding eye contact being a bad sign, so in subsequent meetings I made a point of maintaining it at all times.
Seemed to make him uncomfortable, can't think why. 😏
[Don't make me tap the sign - Simpson meme: "Body language is largely determined by culture and many factors, such as neurodivergence, social phobia, or emotional arousal, affect it"]
Like I said, asshole. He was also a fan of the "four humours" personality types model. Honestly some days my eyes would roll so hard I'd get neck strain. 🙄
I once went to a contemporary art show where a performer stood in front of you and stared into your eyes until you looked away. No one else in that room could hold her eyes for more than ten seconds.
Oh, you're trying to make a point about the fear of intimacy? Too bad, baby, unbearable intimacy is forced on me ALL DAY, EVERY DAY! I could be here all week!
I just really can't make eye contact 😭 I used to mask a lot more than I do now & I would force myself to. But over the last few years, I've stopped doing that to myself. It helps that my partner is also autistic & does not require eye contact.
Complicated to explain but the reasons they need redirected in conversation, variance of eye contact with mood, who/what they blame things on, and whether or not they’re observing my reactions carefully. When both are present it’s a whole other story
third option: 'had to actively train yourself *not* to make unwavering, barely blinking eye contact with people once you finally realized they're unnerved by it; now you get eye/neck strain while talking to people because you're trying to force yourself to look somewhere else' autistic (it's me)
having the autism basilisk stare is a fucking superpower honestly. i am a 5'5 waif, and people who try to intimidate me face-to-face usually end up looking genuinely frightened of me because of my bearing once they start shit with me. Making Creeps Uncomfortable High Five
It depends. When I worked retail I’d make eye contact to establish dominance in the situation, and if I’m really close to someone I make eye contact, but for the most part, especially now that I don’t work, I rarely make eye contact.
I have trouble with eye contact, until I decide I don't like you, then I can death stare hard enough to make their head explode. A look that says, "I do believe that man means to end me."
But if I don't hate you, I'm looking over to your right.
90% the former, 10% the latter. Like, most of the time it makes me uncomfy and I avoid it, but when I need to be intimidating, I always succeed with intense direct eye contact 👁️👁️
I'm a "dissociate so hard my eyes wander opposingly and I forget I was ever trying to make eye contact" but I start out trying....that's gotta be worth something.
I am a, 'I wonder whether or not First Nation social rules on not making eye contact in order to show respect arose because of the respect First Nation society held for autistics' kind of autistic.
I am a, 'I wish neurotypicals would realize that they do not make healthy eye contact with autistics, because they unsocially and instinctively place far more eye contact on other neurotypicals who are in conversation with them than on the autistics who are in the conversation' kind of autistic.
I am a, 'I wish we taught atypicals what instinctive neurotypical eye contact is, and taught neurotypicals what instinctive atypical eye contact is, which would bring everyone closer to becoming one social and wonderful humanity again' kind of autistic.
Once you embrace your autism you can hold a staring contest because you have no feelings, no horse in this race.
While you're still experiencing overwhelm, with unmanaged ADHD and or/ptsd, making eye contact is overstimulating and you freak out. You are powerless to control your physical reaction.
It takes practice.
My natural state is to look up and off to the left when I am speaking.
Eyecontact is still over stimulating, unless be a grown up about this, with a lover. It's been decades since that kind of eye contact. 😵💫✌️😊
Practice plus medication,
Specifically from a medications professional, Lexapro
Could not do it before 2020 dx/ongoing treatment PostTraumatic Stress
I will never pretend that any of this has been anything less than a GD struggle.
Am crankyoldlady now, but prior to this, was very strong-willed.👠✊
i'm a 'read somewhere once that it's most natural to spend 1/3 of the time looking at a person's eyes, 1/3 of the time at their mouth, and 1/3 at their ears so now i try to maintain that ratio in every conversation' autistic
I am the “trained myself to fake eye contact but accidentally end up get caught staring at random spots on a persons face and making them self conscious” autistic
Sink or swim working front-of-house/instructional jobs for over 25 years.
I'm told my body-language changes from desk to desk, or class to class, I know my voice does (which has been fun with voice coaching, as I get to mindfully isolate and tweak *each and every voice I use*)
This is me.
Years of moving around coupled with teaching and/or managerial jobs has meant I modulate my voice/body language/address style to suit whatever group I’m a part of.
I used to do it unconsciously as a kid, but now it’s often quite deliberate.
I didn’t learn about the concept of masking til I was in my late 30s & it was such a penny drop moment for me, like “that’s what I’ve men doing this whole time, no wonder my brains always exhausted”.
If I’m talking, I look everywhere around the person while talking. If they’re talking to me, I burn their retinas with my powers of prolonged eye contact.
I am lucky enough to be able to say I've never had to try the second one, but I can outstare a cat, so I'm going to go with the latter theoretical ability!
Comments
Seemed to make him uncomfortable, can't think why. 😏
She looked away first.
I love Marina Abramovic tho, that performance where she stood still and many people went directly to trying to hurt her was powerful
Well, perhaps not always nonverbally
But I remember learning about what allistics like re eye contact and making conscious self training when I was a tween
But if I don't hate you, I'm looking over to your right.
(Same tho)
While you're still experiencing overwhelm, with unmanaged ADHD and or/ptsd, making eye contact is overstimulating and you freak out. You are powerless to control your physical reaction.
My natural state is to look up and off to the left when I am speaking.
Eyecontact is still over stimulating, unless be a grown up about this, with a lover. It's been decades since that kind of eye contact. 😵💫✌️😊
Specifically from a medications professional, Lexapro
Could not do it before 2020 dx/ongoing treatment PostTraumatic Stress
I will never pretend that any of this has been anything less than a GD struggle.
Am crankyoldlady now, but prior to this, was very strong-willed.👠✊
Age 65 female both.
Autism man. Gotta…well. Appreciate it. I guess.
I mask so well I started crafting entirely new masks.
I may have gone full-on Hexadecimal-from-Reboot with the mask collection.
I'm told my body-language changes from desk to desk, or class to class, I know my voice does (which has been fun with voice coaching, as I get to mindfully isolate and tweak *each and every voice I use*)
Years of moving around coupled with teaching and/or managerial jobs has meant I modulate my voice/body language/address style to suit whatever group I’m a part of.
I used to do it unconsciously as a kid, but now it’s often quite deliberate.
I'm unfortunately a really nice person, so they're usually actually sincere, but it could be an evil power.