funnyletter.bsky.social
no take
370 posts
29 followers
25 following
Discussion Master
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My spicy take is that conservatives are fundamentally dedicated to all societal ills being the result of individuals making bad decisions because they are bad, and it turns out no policies aimed at making people stop individually fucking up don't work because THAT'S NOT ACTUALLY THE PROBLEM.
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If not supposed to sniff crotch, why crotch at nose height???
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I am both hyped to listen to this and like 99% confident I *do not want the answer* to the question "What do teenagers see on their phones?" so basically you appear to have made my personal horror movie.
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Sometimes the only thing she could stomach was pizza or ice cream but she'd worry so much about eating too much "unhealthy" food and gaining weight that she wouldn't eat those things either. It was both heartbreaking and enraging to see.
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This made me remember a friend's roommate who'd managed to lose a lot of weight via VERY intense dieting and I think some medical stuff. After that she got cancer and was put on VERY aggressive chemo that made it very difficult for her to eat -- everything tasted bad and she was nauseated.
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Myrna really just wants to watch the world burn, I think is what I am trying to get at. Her energy is basically that old disaster-girl meme.
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Definitely impossible simply for continuity reasons but also it would be hilarious.
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I also just want to point out that this kid is now like 10 and just one of the kindest, most awesome people I've ever had the good fortune to meet, in case anyone was maybe considering having a negative thought about them. Don't do it, you would be wrong.
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Like, imagine diet culture being so ingrained that you are in the hospital actually dying and you're still doing diet culture. It's fucking grim.
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One of the last conversations I ever had with my mom was her stressing out about how many calories were in a milkshake I'd brought her (because she was in the hospital and had lost a TON of weight and wouldn't eat anything because it all tasted gross) and scolding me for also drinking a milkshake.
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Mom apologized to me afterwards and said kid's BFF's mom was pregnant and kid was obsessed with pregnancy at the time but I was fine tbh? Like I'm not sure how one handles that better!
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So clearly this had been an ongoing conversation! Which, nice.
Kid, being 4, asked why not. Mom once again died of horror and I said "A lot of times when we talk about people's bodies, we hurt their feelings even though we don't mean to." This seemed acceptable to kid.
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Also one time a friend's preschooler asked if I was pregnant and before my friend could even say anything I responded "No, I'm just fat!" and laughed. I thought my poor friend was going to die but she pulled herself together and said "We don't comment on other people's bodies!"
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Calling out anti-fatness/diet culture when they see it, esp in front of me. As a fat person I feel like if *I* shut it down people take that as me making excuses for my own failings or something, whereas if a thin person does it it's seen as more objective. Which is bullshit, but that's the world.
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My Stupid Fan Theory (totally not true or even remotely plausible but also spoiler warning for late-season events) is
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Myrna is the shooter.
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My dad's cat is still pissed at me for catching her and putting her in the carrier. In 2012.
Also she's staying with me for a month in April so I am accepting Cat Who Hates You care tips 🤦♀️
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I did the same misread but spent about 15 seconds thinking this was about cramming a fursuit into luggage.
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My previous little dog was a fan of civil disobedience. There was one chair he wasn't allowed on and if he was annoyed with us (because we left him home alone, or ignored him when he wanted to be petted, or did not share a snack) he would hop up on it and glare at us. But ONLY when he was mad.
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She was a perfect angel with me. She let me dress her in my dad's clothes, and make her harnesses and hitch her to my wagon. She towed me around the neighborhood on my rollerskates.
My brother was born a year later and she decided he was her baby and was notoriously protective of him.
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When they made a claim with the home insurance re: the breakin the insurance company asked what measures she'd taken to prevent a repeat and she told them she'd gotten a great dane puppy and they were like, YEP THAT WORKS. No one ever did break in again...
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The story of our great dane is when I was 2 someone broke into our house while my dad was on a business trip and my mom was SHOOK. She and my dad had been discussing getting a dog and my dad liked great danes. She found an ad for great dane puppies in the Pennysaver and brought one home the next day
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Until recently I lived in an apartment building with tons of dogs on a block with tons of dogs in a neighborhood with tons of dogs and I would bump into the same dogs and their owners 5+ times a week and I know the names of every single dog and zero of the humans, who were just <dog>'s Mom/Dad.
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My parents had a 120-pound german shepherd mix who was great dane-sized and he would do the sneaky couch butt thing both on the couch and on my lap specifically. I think because I didn't get mad, I just said "Excuse me, sir," and then scratched his butt because he was a funny guy.
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Also every time I see a dane on the street I yell-whisper "GREAT DAAAAAAAAAAAANE" and then try to find an excuse to go say hello. Sometimes I get leaned on. It is the best. The dog guardian always apologizes and I'm like NO I LOVE IT.
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I grew up with a blue merle dane (Theo, short for Theodora) and she was the best dog in the whole world. I now own tiny silly fluffy dogs but my dream is to someday be an old retired lady with a herd of rescue pekingese and one great dane that tows them around in a little cart.
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I mostly don't get treatment at the hospital where I got my hysterectomy anymore (it got bought by a Catholic hospital system and I only stayed because my gyno was amazing) but I have looked a LOT of providers straight in the eye and told them I no longer have a uterus.
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But also 1. I was having a hysterectomy because I'd been bleeding continuously for like six months despite being on depo provera and a ton of hormones so PREGNANT HOW? and 2. they had JUST done a uterine biopsy within 48 hours! Would that not be A PROBLEM?
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They made me do this also (fuckin catholic hospital I stg) but the surgeon warned me in my preopp appointment and was like "yeah wait to pee until you come in". Which was possible because my checkin time was 7am.
I dunno what I would have done if it was later in the day.
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Aren't bank accounts FREE?
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I used to work with a lot of Dutch and German people and always low key thought they hated me and "Jan Maas is not being rude. He is just being Dutch," caused an entire change of perspective for me.
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It's a bummer because I really like Nick Mohammed and I think he's great at that sort of softboy "I have disappointed everyone oh no :(" thing, so it would have been really powerful to see him, you know, grow beyond that???
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If a band is cancelled but no one has thought about that band in the last 15 years, does it make a sound?
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I liked the Barenaked Ladies a lot in 1999 so I'm not saying this with any particular animosity:
The relevance of the Barenaked Ladies in the year 2025 is so low that if someone cancelled them I don't think anyone would notice. Why are they worried about this? It would change nothing!
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My parents and I briefly considered going in together on a condo in Seattle ~15 years ago because I was renting and my rent was skyrocketing (so, investment for them and housing for me), but decided it was too risky and I have now been kicking myself for ten years.
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I worked with a guy who's my age, so 40s, who doordashed lunch to work basically every day despite working in a building with a group lunch delivery program (different restaurant every day, no tipping, delivery fee was like a dollar) AND a (mediocre) cafeteria.
We made good money but still!
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Actually I think DOGE is really missing an opportunity to save an unprecedented amount of money by replacing themselves with a really big pile of secondhand dice.
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Every time I am forced to remember that you can just cram a bunch of totally unrelated random shit into a bill I am horrified.
I'm not even allowed to do that with my Jira stories at work, and there is no level of fucking up my job that could harm anyone more than stressing them out a bit.
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THINGS WE COULD SWAP POLITICIANS WITH WITHOUT NEGATIVE IMPACTS, an incomplete list:
Members of the Wu-Tang Clan
A labrador retriever
A goldfish in a bowl with "yes" and "no" written on opposite sides
A Magic 8 Ball
My dad's cat who hates everyone
2d20
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Americans are ALSO weird as hell about death, as a bonus! So we've got double weird here.
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"No one wants to talk about how men are struggling, for values of 'no one' that exclude the mainstream media, both major political parties, and think tanks, but include people who are mean to me on social media."
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I am reminded of an article I read about Netflix pushing creators to make stuff that is accessible to people who are half paying attention while scrolling on their phones. I wonder if this is because they lit. do not expect the audience to have been paying attention to anything more than 1 min out.
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I'm kinda living for the bellbottom pilot suits tbh
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The only hope re: him experiencing pain is that I suspect he cares *very much* about that number, so perhaps seeing it drop upsets him, even though it realistically has zero impact because he's long past the "infinite money glitch" level of wealth.
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This is the level of negotiating prowess of my dog, whose argument is 100% of the time "BUT I WANT IT AND I'M SOOOO CUTE" and who can be convinced to do basically anything if you tell him he is a very good boy and offer him some cheese.
My silly little dog: Master Negotiator.
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Aiding an anti-imperialist rebellion and also murdering people with a sword.
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People online can get kinda weird about bullies, and I say this as someone who was bullied relentlessly through the end of middle school.
Someone commented "bullies never change unless it's beaten (literally) out of them" and like... friendo, WHAT?
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In THIS economy?
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It does help that now that we live in a bigger house, I have another room to go to besides the bedroom, too. I can go play video games in my own room whenever I want, it's amazing.
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Fortunately my husband is like "Huh, interesting!" and then has a chuckle when I cannot even be in the same room when he's watching Nathan For You and otherwise does not care. (I don't even DISLIKE it I just cannot cope with my cringing??)
Which is one of the reasons I am married to him tbh.
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This is how I feel about 100% of Nathan Fielder's work. My husband loves it and I'm like, I understand why YOU love this but *I* cannot watch it without running an experiment called "Can you cringe so hard you actually die?"