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obscuregent.bsky.social
Writer of the Obscure Gentlemen comic| Brother, friend, creative partner to Aaron Alvarez | Podcast co-host: Plain Zero https://theobscuregentlemen.com https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:hoc2ea6xratphibqhvv62fkq/lists/3lgit4socrh2b
267 posts 8,787 followers 584 following
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Posts 49 Comments 1

tomorrow is another day and that is absolutely unacceptable

submitted 6 days ago • 10 comments

I sleep with a knife under my pillow in case someone with assorted meats and cheeses breaks in and needs to make a charcuterie board

submitted 6 days ago • 179 comments

[a hungry hungry hippo rustling the bag of marbles they sneaked into the theater and immediately being shushed]

submitted 5 days ago • 2 comments

I like soft rock artists such as Michael Bolton, Richard Marx, et Cetera.

submitted 4 days ago • 3 comments

I am become Mellencamp, sucker of chili dogs.

submitted 16 hours ago • 0 comments

(When I gain weight) Well I've been stressed out at work and haven't had time for the gym, so it's understandable. (When a celebrity gains weight) Well look at this fat piece of shit.

submitted 17 hours ago • 1 comment

it's time to have the drug talk with my son and i'm really nervous because i still haven't paid him for the last ounce

submitted 21 hours ago • 5 comments

She was rare, like a politician with integrity.

submitted 20 hours ago • 0 comments

I'm just a wolf who's intentions are good oh lord please don't let me eat Red Riding Hood

submitted 20 hours ago • 29 comments

I’ll do a roundhouse kick in a rectangular apartment idgaf

submitted 20 hours ago • 3 comments

not sure if the generic cereal is getting better or i’m just getting cheaper

submitted 19 hours ago • 10 comments

Will I ever be a good parent? *shakes baby* Wait a minute, if you're here... [cut to Magic 8-Ball in crib]

submitted 96 days ago • 2 comments

[first dog ever launched into space] wait this isn't the park

submitted 1 day ago • 15 comments

And now my spoken-word rendition of the theme song from Fraggle Rock…

submitted 1 day ago • 14 comments

Me: I really thought he’d learn Excel faster Coworker: You just can’t teach an old dog new tricks My dog: I’m only 3 years old you piece of shit

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

I’m in quicksand and then I realize it’s actually oatmeal. I start to eat my way out until I realize there’s no sugar, cinnamon or walnuts. Disgusted, I stop eating and let death embrace me.

submitted 2 days ago • 4 comments

tried to do the heart shape with my fingers and long story short i’m in a gang now

submitted 1 day ago • 24 comments

when you destroy your family playing monopoly you destroy your family in real life

submitted 2 days ago • 2 comments

listing quantumness as my primary symptom. let them sort this shit out

submitted 1 day ago • 19 comments

*rides off into the sunset* *returns to get an iced coffee*

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

my dogs probably think i'm an idiot for only sleeping once a day

submitted 1 day ago • 15 comments

I recite REO Speedwagon lyrics while ritualistically burning old tool handles – the old ways shall not be forgotten

submitted 1 day ago • 17 comments

People always look surprised when you throw a lobster at them

submitted 1 day ago • 19 comments

i am bad at conversations, when someone asks how i’m doing i pretend i’m trying to multiply two 8-digit numbers in my head until they go away

submitted 13 days ago • 8 comments

NOSTRADAMUS: [rising from the grave] my bad, everyone

submitted 2 days ago • 2 comments

I don't think any of us can judge the people who clap when the plane lands now.

submitted 2 days ago • 20 comments

I’m in quicksand and then I realize it’s actually oatmeal. I start to eat my way out until I realize there’s no sugar, cinnamon or walnuts. Disgusted, I stop eating and let death embrace me.

submitted 2 days ago • 4 comments

On the calmness spectrum I'm currently at "Laura Palmer's mom"

submitted 2 days ago • 17 comments

they fucking fired smokey bear

submitted 2 days ago • 16 comments

There’s nothing in the Bible that says a dog can’t play basketball

submitted 5 days ago • 6 comments

Getting a nautical tattoo in 1950: You’re a tough guy in the navy. Getting a nautical tattoo today: you’re a barista named Geoff with interesting facial hair.

submitted 3 days ago • 3 comments

Or as the French call it, La Petite Rick & Mort

submitted 3 days ago • 10 comments

I scream you scream we all scream it’s a bloodbath

submitted 3 days ago • 5 comments

If you’re arguing online and your opponent misuses your/you’re, you win instantly by technical knockout.

submitted 3 days ago • 22 comments

I’ve never been on a long sea voyage but I have listened to the song Brandy approximately 7000 times so it’s a wash

submitted 2 days ago • 22 comments

I'm never quite sure how much spaghetti to cook or how many rocks to carry when I walk into the ocean.

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

I hate people who accuse you of having Stockholm Syndrome. You know who I do like? My kidnappers

submitted 3 days ago • 9 comments

[museum] Her: So who are your favorite artists Me: uh...I like Michelangelo Her: Oh, me too Me: and Donatello is pretty good Her: Me: Raphael Her: Me: [sweating] also casey jones

submitted 3 days ago • 4 comments

Getting a nautical tattoo in 1950: You’re a tough guy in the navy. Getting a nautical tattoo today: you’re a barista named Geoff with interesting facial hair.

submitted 3 days ago • 3 comments

I went to the ER for a migraine once. The nurse asked what I took for it. I said "a liter of chocolate milk." She paused & said "Odd.. but only something a migraine sufferer would try" as if I correctly answered her riddle & she was granting me passage to the land of pain relief.

submitted 3 days ago • 38 comments

I don't mean to brag. I'm just really good at a lot of things.

submitted 3 days ago • 2 comments

friend: whatcha thinkin about *imagining a bodybuilder with the head of a shiba inu* me: cryptozoology

submitted 3 days ago • 4 comments

Back in my day we crushed women on Wednesdays, absolutely pulverized them

submitted 3 days ago • 5 comments

How was your day? [flashback to me getting sucked into a tornado] pretty good

submitted 3 days ago • 6 comments

A tattoo of a single tear, indicating he has killed a man

submitted 3 days ago • 34 comments

Great news, you’ve collected enough plastics in your body to start forming an exoskeleton. The universe will always bend toward crab.

submitted 3 days ago • 55 comments

who the fuck moved my fainting couch?

submitted 3 days ago • 15 comments

If loving you is wrong that’s OK so long as it’s not also inconvenient.

submitted 3 days ago • 3 comments

[Puts on helmet & adds a bell & basket to my bike] Spin class instructor: no

submitted 3 days ago • 14 comments