r0b0t6.bsky.social
26 | I draw stuff from time to time and sometimes post it online
Pfp by @espyfluff.bsky.social
182 posts
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Babe I got scared reading this for a sec ;;
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Every day I see more and more level headed people succumb to the panic and lose themselves... the ones who used to provide solace to those who panic become the ones panicking themselves.
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Anyways, I do apologize to friends / mutuals who have to read all this. Then again, to those who took the time to read through some of my ramblings I thank you.
I do feel better writing this all out. Almost a momentary bliss during a time of uncertainty.
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I legit do not know how to get out of this feeling. Then again, it almost feels like I've accepted it. That I am not really living life... just existing until the expiration date occurs.
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Another worst part about all this is that I feel like I've slept away all my free time. I don't have pleasant dreams, nightmares of people telling me I'm not a good person, people I know getting angry/into fights, and (my favorite) nuclear bombs going off. Don't get me started on the sleep paralysis
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Either way, I've been pretending I've been getting better since last November. But in reality, this is the worst I've ever felt in my life. the only thing keeping it at bay are the new meds I've been taking. I want to cry, but unfortunately the meds have made that quite difficult.
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I've been so worried about them. It seems that they're even more stressed about things than I am. Especially working on the news out of all places. I really do not want our relationship to fade away, but ig the U.S. has other plans for us.
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Even though the future looks bleak, thinking about being with them at least gave me solace about the future. But now, going back to what I said earlier, I do not see a light at the end of the tunnel where we will be living together any time soon. It legit breaks my heart.
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Even though I do have friends, one thing that I feel like I've lost is connection with my partner. Ever since they started their new job we've been working at different times. I work while they sleep, they work while I am off, and they're off while I sleep.
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I am at least grateful i have friends i can speak with during this very bad time in my life. But to be fair, I don't think I can keep up staying up till 12am to cope. I legit feel my health getting worse with lack of sleep, and now have a habit of suddenly dozing off if nothing is happening at work.
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I want to draw, make a story for myself, and do comissions for people, but i just don't have the creative spark since November 2024. I'm considering giving away characters of mine to friends/mutuals if this keeps up. Fam says it's me "growing up" but this is probably something depression related.
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Worst part is now i feel like I'm not even saving money anymore. I've just been dumping it into a new hobby that I started back in November to cope with the current state of things. I barely draw or play new video games anymore. I just sit at my desk and work on minatures that will just pile up.
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However, i do see the writing on the wall. I am clearly not the "main character" of my own life... just a bystander. I can't even make enough money to support rent and utilities without living paycheck to paycheck/getting a second or third job. How can I help others if I cannot even help myself?
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The phrase "you got a lot of good things going for you" makes my blood boil whenever I hear it. I feel unsuccessful and seeing my friends upset, broke, and unfortunately one becoming homeless have been making me ask "what good things?"
I absolutely do not see the light at the end of the tunnel
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Ig Cyber security was interesting, but now i just fall asleep studying it and not want to touch it at all during weekends. I wanted to do a career change and work towards protecting the environment, but looking at the direction we are going it looks like most careers are going to get axed.
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"Just focus on building your funds and prepare for the future"
What future do i have to look forward to? I have no interest in my field of study (IT) mostly due to industry leaders/tech bros, the world's getting worse, and I just... don't have drive to improve myself professionally as a result.
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Actually, what makes the situation worse is how powerless i feel. I do not make enough to be independent where I live. Most of my friends are broke excluding one ex friend I ended up cutting off in January. But whenever I try to tell my fam what's wrong they say "there's nothing you can do about it"
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Worst part about all this, i feel like i played a part in the reason why living in the U.S. sucks now. I am a completely different person than I was back from 2015/16 + I am thankful peeps acknowledge how much I've changed but man... if I could go back on time I'd beat the shit out of my past self.
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While I've been avoiding news places BS like the plague, due to not wanting to see current events and people saying "we are cooked" 24/7, ig one thing i know is that it's reality. My partner has been telling me but I've been in denial... mainly due to being in disbelief any of this is happening.
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This year... this is the most stressed I've ever felt in my entire life. Even though I keep saying it every year, perhaps it's true what they say about things getting worse each year. Or maybe this year really is just that bad. If it wasn't for the new meds, I'd probably be in a hospital by now.
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Thank you mengo
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Took most of these off my old laptop ;;;
I really need to get some rain world and hollow knight stuff on here aaaa
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I heart arby
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I hope so as well...
It's been rather crazy in the states ,_,
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Looking back... i really wish i could make something better.
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I went on blue sky for a moment and I just saw this
I AM CRYING RN ;A;
I LOVE YOU TOO HUN AAAAAAA
<3
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after a few weeks I can see a significant improvement
then again I also started a new meds as well ;;
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If you wanna check out other fangames, I would suggest Pokemon prism~
I am not biased because it remixes gen 4 ost in the GBC format lmao ;v;
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Also removing the discover tab is the best decision anyone can do here if it becomes too much
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I might be late to the party (been trying my best to stay off socials for the time being)
No need to pick the corvid if you don't feel like it.
Also it's been a long time Selleha so hi!!! ;;;
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I for one am a big fan of anything dewott related ;v;
Used to draw dewott all the time between 2013-15.
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Decided to check back in for a bit and man... I can already feel the twitter vibes coming back on blue sky.
Had to get rid of the discover tab cuz the vibes from a lot of new accounts have been pretty rancid unfortunately.
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I remember back WHEN CSP was considered the good guys.
Everything changed when they started making us pay for stability updates.
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Sadly, that's not the case cuz didn't the devs say every future zelda game will have the same formula as BOTW/TOTK?
Also, if the next zelda has the same Hyrule setting and layout... ):<
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MILOOOOOOOL!!!!! :)))))))