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randomjokename.bsky.social
This account is for entertainment purposes and all its content is fictional. Any resemblance to real life is purely coincidental.
54 posts 154 followers 890 following
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If I had a nickel for every time someone told me to grow up, I'd be rich enough to install a sweet fireman's pole in my treehouse

you’re singing. you just caught your mom cheating on your dad with Santa Claus and you’re singing

this is funny as-is but imo way funnier when you see his lawyer

RIP Ricky Henderson 🙏….one of the all time GOATs www.si.com/mlb/rickey-h...

*running down the street trying to catch a cab, squeezing a baked potato straight out of the skin into my mouth like gogurt*

time of year

Fridays are for fuckin

I loved this shimmy from Gladiator 2: The Musical on @saturdaynightlive.bsky.social so much that I made a GIF of it, but since those aren’t supported yet, here’s the video. Let me know if you’d like the GIF.

The Betrayal of Christ, by Giuseppe Cesari, 1596-97, 📸 by @rachelwizphoto

The Martyrdom of St. John the Evangelist, Flemish school, 1600

My wife caught me working on a project late last night full on chatting with Claude. I think we’ll be okay though.

*brain waking up* oh god please not again I can’t keep existing in this reality *brain 20 minutes later* I’ve invented a fish breakfast cereal called Carp’n Crunch

i made a little meme about going to the farmers market

That’s how I go to sleep most nights!

I'm a soldier In a Greek horse I hide I'm one of Several others inside - Trojon Bon Jovi

are there a lot of first person singular objective pronouns, or is it just me?

empty again this year

Yup

Whether real-life or fiction, finding entertainment or humor in someone else's pain is intolerance, and it is NEVER okay. In 'Settings', click the "Empathy" tab to turn on helpful alerts that will keep your schaudenfreude in check. We're all in this together. #DisneyCares

before coffee: I hate everything after coffee: I hate everything but nervouser

Suspect SLAYS

Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you don’t know about. Attack them. Now they’re fighting two battles

Good stuff in here

You can do both

Man with a Beer Jug, by Frans Hals, 1630, 📸 by @zachosterman.bsky.social

I will keep adding to this over time, but I wanted to get into the starter pack game, too. go.bsky.app/4yiKAEG

ok fine I'll try no nut november

seems like rich guys just want to spend their money on stupid shit . if i was rich i would get my dad and all my uncles added to fort nite

Gen Z detective arriving at the scene of the crime: What are the vibes

Hot Take: MICHAEL CLAYTON is a very good film.

Today is Anthony Jeselnik day on WTF! Meditation, teeth grinding, roasts, the modern comedy landscape, his new Netflix special. Good talk! Listen up. wtfpod.com

normalize taking a week off work to rewatch mad men

This Black Friday, Subscribe to The Onion. Tell yourself it represents hope. Join America's Finest Membership for 25% off here: membership.theonion.com?campaign=701...

just ate a banana peel and nutmeg sandwich to take the edge off my Ambien and now i seem to be heading into some sort of undersea cave

I’m happy to have the Advil that is Bluesky, but every so often I still like to pop over to the other place for a quick hit of dirty dirty meth.

Happy day before vacation day

"Wicked" does not synch up to "Dark Side of the Moon" at all. Sorry to everyone in the theater.

One Primus song on the party playlist: funny Six Primus songs on the party playlist: concerning 30 Primus songs on the party playlist: funny again

interviewer: can I get your references? me: *sighing* probably not; nobody else does