redshiftt.bsky.social
googoogaga
redshift from vent
623 posts
12 followers
10 following
Regular Contributor
Active Commenter
comment in response to
post
I hope you stay safe :c
comment in response to
post
dusting right before bed isn't a good idea either. I need to wash up. the girls never clean anything nowadays. not the bathroom not the kitchen. and I still feel insecure that I don't pull my weight. hmm. give me a break, brain. I have a grocery order tomorrow and we are going to the tip. woowee.
comment in response to
post
I overslept and have felt horrible all day. I've been on my phone most of the day but can't concentrate on my audiobook nor gaming so idk what else to do. sleep more? I don't feel like it. I need to move my legs they're restless but it's 3am. I guess I'll do that now. and then maybe dust.
comment in response to
post
dust. My dust mite allergy is terrible at the moment. I should start taking the antihistamines. My nose is just getting worse. I still find it difficult to tackle laundry on time. I still find everything difficult. The only thing I enjoy is hoovering and even that sucks (lol) I just... ugh.
comment in response to
post
I need to change my bedding but I need to vacuum my mattress and I can't do that when it's 3am. I have an upset stomach, don't know why. I haven't fully dusted my room since I moved in here. It feels overwhelming. There's too much stuff on my desk to move to who knows where. I hate the texture of
comment in response to
post
crumble you can make at home. anyway home tomorrow. stupid train. it will be fine I just worry about getting there on time. i worry about too much. I want a hug. i had a long time with my mom earlier. she was venting and not liking anything I said. she's mean about my dad. no resolution possible.
comment in response to
post
each item was unique and silly, but there is such a market for these silly little trinkets, especially now. I feel like I could come up with cute designs. making and painting would be fun. Idk about the execution though. idk how id even get into it. I'd want to make proper clay, not the ones that
comment in response to
post
since b's birthday is coming up. I think she was the highlight of my day tbh. to be able to interact with a stranger. I wanted to be her friend she was so sweet. I took a picture of her socials and followed her but she doesn't sell online. I hope she does someday. it made me want to try pottery.
comment in response to
post
and the market stall. i spent about 20 minutes deciding what to get. the woman who made them was so sweet, she showed me this Samoyed charm and I kept saying how cute they all were. she is so creative I can't believe she made them all. I got a cute dog for myself, one she showed me, and a cat for b.
comment in response to
post
out of three days not one has gone smoothly. everything is difficult. I haven't really been thinking too much, just lost in social media to escape this dynamic. I haven't been able to read much, my mind is too occupied to sit in silence. It can't be trusted alone.
comment in response to
post
let's just hope she's not in a bad mood for the 2 hours we are here lol.
comment in response to
post
despite ME being the one to use it multiple times. so my dad offered which is unusual for him but he probably felt sorry for me. I just kind of stood there in shock as she ranted to me. I constantly make others late and at least feel bad, but she just deflects. I wish she cared more about how I feel
comment in response to
post
actually my worst fear is that it's a balance of the two. they don't care enough and this is their best and I am too insecure and self-absorbed. nobody wins, not that there's ever anything to win.
comment in response to
post
anything" and surface level that's nice but it's meaningless. especially when I've said things and they don't follow through anyway. so here we are. maybe I'm naive or too self-absorbed. maybe they are too busy and this is their best and I'm just insecure and read too much into everything.
comment in response to
post
thought it would st least appear that I cross their mind. I always think if the shoe was on the other foot I'd always be checking in. always trying to help me out with getting out more, getting some kind of life. but they just don't do that. and when I do vent they'll say "let us know if we can do
comment in response to
post
she will get an apartment alone and I'll live with strangers. b is being vague with their timeline of moving out so who knows how that will go. or when it will go. I just feel like they don't care. I know we are later 20s now, they want to put roots down, I don't want to hold them back. but I
comment in response to
post
it difficult. landlords hate it. id move anywhere if it meant not being alone. sorry for being difficult. idk it just struck me because she's usually so sweet and the way she said it was so cold. yes she should put herself first, but I thought she'd care a little more? if we don't live together,
comment in response to
post
they'll just leave because why wouldn't they? They're just being polite. a said yeah we could get a house together if it's not too difficult. okay. I'm not asking her to move away. she could have just said if we stay in the area but she said difficult, because I make it difficult. my benefits make
comment in response to
post
home is difficult for me yet still they just don't make an effort. no checking in. they barely ask about it when I arrive home. I know I'm supposed to say aw it's just my brain being mean and picking things apart, but it doesn't feel like that. I feel like a beg. I feel scared if I complain enough
comment in response to
post
like you guys ignore half my messages without it sounding like I'm whining. they'll just say no I just forget! no I'm just too tired! or as a said to us once, she can't be bothered. not that she'd actually admit that about my messages, but it probably still applies. the worst part is they know that
comment in response to
post
there by 3pm. we didn't get to town until almost 4pm today. town! a 20 minute walk away. I wish I could cry. I vented about my bad haircut and of course my friends didn't reply. I want to be rude and say "was that too boring for a reply then?" but I won't. I don't know how to say to them I feel
comment in response to
post
from her. and then I go home on Monday. and I'm counting down the days. when I told them about the show mom said oh I'd have gone but I said it was sold out. there was only one good seat left but there were two at the back. I didn't feel like going all the way into central with her and make it
comment in response to
post
last night I had a really awful sinus headache and it took ages to get some relief. What's the use. I'm looking forward to the Sunday, my day on my terms. mom didn't want to be left out on Saturday so we are doing something with her again. tomorrow we go to the gardens together so Sunday is my break
comment in response to
post
no one was looking to get out of their seat for her. and I was holding her walker with one hand and clutching the bar with the other so I didn't fall over because the bus driver was shit and it was packed. and it was just. miserable. we left so late because mom didn't eat breakfast until 2pm.
comment in response to
post
happens. I'm always trying to pick up the pieces. I was so looking forward to coming down yay time with mom! but it's never fun anymore, not really. especially not out. the public are so cold and mean they will push past my mom with her mobility aid and people won't make way for her on the bus.
comment in response to
post
it despite needing the loo the entire time and now I'm upset and tired and my parents are angry and no one cares about anything. and I thought hmm I should write all this down so my therapist can understand the dynamic better. but what's the point. so now I just want to cry because this always
comment in response to
post
so mom's in a bit of a mood. it's always like this. I wish we could play happy families just for a day.
comment in response to
post
huff. I'm just gonna avoid mirrors. I got awful sleep had a sinus headache which is as painful as a migraine so I was blowing my nose like crazy and I was only gonna get 6 hours to begin with. I feel awful now but maybe I'll nap while my mom eats her breakfast at 2pm. parents are arguing again
comment in response to
post
a little day out just for me! my therapist will be pleased lol. maybe my parents too. I feel all giddy. I pushed myself and bought it I can't believe it tbh. I thought I'd wait until I woke up but there was one good seat left so I didn't want to risk it. go me!
comment in response to
post
One day hopefully I'll be able to drive home. Never have to worry about stupid trains again. That's all I want really. Anyway we're nearing the station now. I don't like this city very much. It's ugly, run down and unforgiving. I miss the strangers of London. I miss the anonymity.
comment in response to
post
worried I've forgotten something. my suitcase felt unusually light despite bringing my laptop. I am packing light but still, worry, worry, worry. I haven't eaten yet, I'll have to do it on the train. I hope the train isn't busy. If I get on my carriage it should be quiet but you never know.
comment in response to
post
scary saying that. independence. it feels like a world away from where I am, but I can do it in steps. a walk up the road. a solo shopping trip. asking to sign up. one shift a week. I can do it. this year, I'll do it. I want this.
comment in response to
post
larger, but still shit. I hate it. hate that I can't say anything. hate that I can't even handle her. I just sit and watch as she is bored. poor girl. I'm sorry.