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thag-simmons.bsky.social
I'm from Mass, I live in Michigan. I like the Red Sox, the Patriots, the Lions, the Bruins, Boston College, and Tottenham Hotspur. I sell beer and beer accessories. I try to be a good shit. he/him I guess
89 posts 43 followers 259 following
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Posts 27 Comments 23

"Keep you're friends and enemy's closer" - Machiavelli, The Art Off War

submitted 18 hours ago • 48 comments

Ah shit it turns out the problem with conservatism is that conservatives are all evil

submitted 2 days ago • 173 comments

The job market has never been better for shills, stooges, and toadies of all stripes. Linkedin absolutely buzzing if you're a sycophant, a flunky, or even an unctuous little worm

submitted 2 days ago • 222 comments

The next Bond movie will be titled "Time to Die Mister Bond, Handcrafted Artisanal Film Movie for Men – Perfecf Christmas Gift and Funny Realistic Spy Gag, Harmless Entertainment Prank for Kids and Adults, Realistic Vanilla Scent 7.9 Ounce Motion Picture (Pack of 1)"

submitted 2 days ago • 7 comments

drink: flowing blood: spilling boys: back in town dick: out I am forcibly removed from Dino's Bar and Grill

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

submitted 2 days ago • 7 comments

Ethnic cleansing, which I do not support, is not as bad as the intellectual cleansing the M$DNC shiblibs did when they banned me from the show. by Glenn Greenwald

submitted 3 days ago • 22 comments

This is just to say I have fired the bureaucrats throughout your government Even the ones that were probably keeping planes in the air Forgive me I am not very smart So efficiency Much savings

submitted 3 days ago • 18 comments

INVENTOR OF THE CAR HORN: and this will make people better drivers

submitted 3 days ago • 84 comments

Mugger (pointing gun at my friend): Give me your wallet Me (helpfully): Calm down he's just trolling

submitted 3 days ago • 56 comments

In this Indiana diner, everyone has three questions: How's the breaded tenderloin? Is the quarry hiring? And when will the feds finally put an end to congestion pricing in Manhattan?

submitted 3 days ago • 47 comments

Dinder, an app where you see pics of people's dinners. If you swipe right, they invite you over and feed you that dinner.

submitted 4 days ago • 10 comments

submitted 2 days ago • 5 comments

After that plane literally flipped upside down after smashing into the runway and 100% of people survived, I hope every person who ever said “what’s even the point of seatbelts on a plane” feels like a real doof.

submitted 3 days ago • 818 comments

Every time you see someone express awe at the capabilities of so-called AI, remember that the most popular show in America was The Big Bang Theory for like six years running.

submitted 3 days ago • 7 comments

A book that covers the legendarium and background myths behind early 80s Nickelodeon (The Slimemarillion)

submitted 2 days ago • 2 comments

actually i am ready to let musk cook on this and this alone

submitted 3 days ago • 10 comments

This is a no debate zone. What we are doing here is forging an impenetrable echo chamber comprised of people who are friendly, cool and (this part is redundant) like alternative rock

submitted 4 days ago • 115 comments

If you don't support your friends with the same enthusiasm and intensity Kendrick had when he shouted "MUSTAAAAAAARRD!", what the fuck are you doing?

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

I looked quickly at a Dodge pickup truck and did a double take when I thought for a second the tailgate said DOGE on it. The Americans are tiiiiiired.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

I think about this every day of my life because every day of my life it is true

submitted 5 days ago • 2 comments

Welcome to the website for my restaurant. I hope you like stock photos in some weird flash player that will crash your browser. Oh, you’d just like to see a menu with prices, and a listing of our address and hours? How about you go fuck yourself instead

submitted 5 days ago • 3 comments

this will save lives

submitted 105 days ago • 265 comments

Happy tenth birthday to a real one

submitted 7 days ago • 93 comments

We don’t hear much about the West Pole, where Cowboy Santa lives. Probably because of all the people he’s shot

submitted 9 days ago • 60 comments

*extremely Tweetie Pie voice* I tawt I taw a coup d'etat

submitted 7 days ago • 13 comments

So much has happened since Ohio State won the national championship. And things are only poised to get worse.

submitted 8 days ago • 2 comments