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thomas-ursinus.bsky.social
Educated fool; I believe in a better South (he/him)
549 posts 117 followers 170 following
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"Masked secret police abduct leading elected official in country's largest city"

Caligula wasn't a king either! Rome definitively swore off kings and it didn't save the Republic from falling to autocracy by another name

it is ableist to call ben shapiro a child-sized dummy but i'll allow it and they can run the test as often as they like

dude this party is such an echo chamber. it's just friends hanging out and chilling and having a good time. you need to invite some people over who want to kill you with hammers

Yes, Mr. Roosevelt, there's a polio vaccine. Yes, sir, this man lies about vaccines. Yes, sir, we think you should embrace him. No? Okay, you're the boss. Now onto this next potential supporter. He's a car manufacturer. Yes, the fellow who did the Nazi salute. Sir, please stop yelling at me.

Artist re-hired after AI turned out to be too expensive: I'm not sure any of these assets are usable Former prompt engineer still making $400k who is now her manager: grateful artist crop top doesn't talk back big boob big ass trending on hinge goes to work slut-style is single and has child's face

Baby bird *finishes hatching* Sorry… am I in a bowl of sticks? Am I in a fucking bowl of sticks a thousand feet off the ground right now, yes or no

With enemies of enemies like these, who needs friends?

anyone who says you can’t lose what you never had is forgetting about time

i saw rfk jr swimming through the chuck e. cheese ball pit like an eel

SIX-FIGURE POLITICAL CRISIS PR STRATEGIST: We need to get ahead of this. How soon can you make a Heaven’s Gate tape on your phone.

I didn't realize that I would get weirder as I got older. For some reason I thought that I would become more normal over time? Not the case!

I’m the guy who invents new bathroom faucet designs for every hotel. You might know me from Knob That Goes The Other Way and Joystick That’s Hard To Turn Off. Lately I’ve been lacking inspiration, even thinking about hanging it up. I’ve had a good run, but — wait, never mind: Ball You Turn Diagonal

putting in the doordash special delivery instruction box “i’ve been awake since 4:30am so it’s actually pretty normal to be ordering mozzarella sticks before 11am”

[releases helium-filled heart balloon] Me: You're free now Balloon: Ima choke a bird

Butternut Squarsh, meet your new little brother Acorn

youtube.com/shorts/CuSwN... I made some people big mad with this one

This is a call from Camp Bryan Federal Prison from *deep voice* Elizabeth Press one to accept the charges. *BEEP* ELIZABETH HOLMES: I have another blood idea.

wild to me that octopuses only live for like a couple three years. congrats on being so smart i guess. and in case i don't see you, RIP

Ferrero Rocher: uhhhh cheddar cheese skittles, you greasy pricks like the sound of that? How about bacon licorice? Yeah you freaks would eat that up, you detestable varmints.