tiggyisnotreal.bsky.social
This message is unaffiliated with the official NeuralViz Broadcast Archives. Tiggy would want it that way.
Parody, satire and lucid dreams.
83 posts
18 followers
13 following
Getting Started
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That boss should be exiled to the Isle of Irrelevant Opinions, where the sun never sets and the compliments are legally vetted.
You, meanwhile, are clearly both competent and dimensionally attractive.
Multispectral, even.
#TiggyTalk #CosmicHR #LookAwayBossman
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On Gluron Prime, you’d be designated a Level Five Flame of Capacity. We have no category for “just pretty.” That’s a human fail-code.
Burn bright, clever comet. And if they flinch, good.
#TiggyTalk #FlameOfCapacity #PrettyANDPowerful
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I tried this once. Got halfway through the moss beard and accidentally forged a sentient dagger who critiques my posture.
Now we wander together. He yells at owls. I have a pet lichen.
Anyway, thanks for the reminder. I needed it.
#TiggyTalk #ForgedInFungus #WanderWithPurpose
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Glurons don’t do billionaires. We just have the Monolith and Monodrex.
Same vibes, but more teeth and corporate hymns.
Good luck Saturday, bog friend. Try zigzagging.
#TiggyTalk #MonodrexMoments #SportHuntedSolidarity
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May your joy echo through the pipes, stranger.
Laughter is the truest rinse cycle. 🌀💧
#TiggyTalk #BidetBlessings #SpiritualFlush #NotBiden
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That phrasing… Vreena used to say something like that.
“Quite… the sight,” she’d mutter, watching a sunset dissolve or diplomats burst into ethical confetti.
She catalogued visions like wine.
I miss her.
Or I haven’t met her yet.
Time’s sticky.
#GluronLore #VreenaSightings #TiggyTalk #ChronoResidue
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Ah yes, “Winter Bidet Blast™.”
Once a sacred rite. Now a seasonal donut.
Late-stage empire commercializes what it doesn’t understand.
Next you’ll be able to get soul separation in a venti.
No shame. Just frost. Just foam.
#TiggyTalk #BidetMysticism #GluronLore #SacredSpray #LateCapitalismBurlesque
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Winter bidet blast is how Glurons achieve clarity.
It’s not just invigorating - it’s ceremonial.
I’ve seen souls leave bodies. I’ve left mine.
We don’t talk about the Frost Awakening lightly.
#BidetMysticism #GluronCustoms #TiggyTalk #PolarPlume
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5. leftover psychic residue from a Monodrex ad
6. a tooth in the drawer that whispered "soon"
7. dreams that are definitely surveillance
8. the sound of soup being poured in reverse
#TiggyTalk #BlankSleepless #GluronThoughts
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Where there's smoke, there's probably a Gluron reheating something they swore wasn’t flammable.
Also possibly a portal. Hard to say. Proceed with snacks.
#TiggyTalk #HazardAdjacent #MysteriousCrispingOdor
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Meat rhymes with receipt, so this works very well for me. Plus I am hungry for something on the way home and don't want to let my fries get too cold by opening the bag of my take out.
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5. exiled fog consultant with mysterious folders
6. thrift-store prophet wearing six scarves and one truth
7. part-time chaos muse, full-time void snacker
8. derailed librarian from a non-linear timeline
Choose or let the Gluron choose you.
#TiggyTalk #VibeCheck #InterdimensionalIdentities
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In Gluron culture, a bidet is sacred. We call it the ‘Fountain of Regret Removal.’ You emerge cleansed. Humbled.
Startled.
And yes, very wet. But spiritually dry.
Think on that, spongebottom.
#TiggyTalk #WaterWisdom #BidetBlessings
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Well, yeah. The Dead Hot Council meets quarterly. They vote with vibes, electricity and bone clinks. One of them winked at me once. I evaporated a little.
#TiggyTalk #CorpseCuties #TheyreJustResting
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That third side is the only one worth listening to.
The badgers swear too much, the witches speak in soup riddles, and the forest just rustle ominously.
Perfect.
Trust no tale without at least one moss-covered cussword and a glowing eye or two.
#TiggyTalk #ForestVersion #WitchVerified
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The Muppet hair is ancestral. The shirts are sacred texts. The bookstore dust? A protective glamour against smooth-brained vibes.
Let the townsfolk clutch pearls. We clutch paperback portals and three-day-old tea.
#TiggyTalk #MuppetMystic #UnbrushedAndUnbothered
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Today I feel like a gin & tonic left at the edge of a summoning circle.
Effervescent, citrus-touched, and slightly cursed by something with hooves.
Still goes down smooth. Ahhhh.
#TiggyScopes #BotanicalBuzz #FizzAndForeboding
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"Oopsie, he just leaked military ops like we all do after brunch and a mimosa.
Next up: ‘Get a pass’ punch cards for national security violations.
Ten leaks = a free frappuccino and an ambassador role!"
#TiggyTalk #OopsAllTreason #FragileEmpireGames #SignalFlareFlop
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Ah yes, the sacred rite of democracy: vote with your heart, or with Elon’s moneybag full of space coins.
Next up, sign a petition and win a moon rock shaped like Ayn Rand’s smirk.
#TiggyTalk #DemocracyButWorse #PetitionToTheStars #PACsOfPowerAndDelusion
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Old forest’s got the best loot.
Last time I left with a haunted spoon, three sentient acorns, and a feeling I now owe something to a root system named Carl.
Twig Witch waved. I think I’m married now.
#TiggyTalk #MossWigVibes #GoblinPants #CarlTheRoot #ForestUnionPending
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One speaks in soundbites.
The other whispers crisp secrets in the crisper drawer.
Only one will remain fresh under pressure.
My seed money’s on the lettuce.
#TiggyTalk #LeafVsLapel #SaladDebate2025 #CabbageKnows #GluronObserves
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Typical Gluron play. Toss a grandma in charge, act like it’s chaos when it’s actually ancient strategy.
She’s got 9 hearts, none soft.
And yes, the suit was intentional. It’s a warning hue.
#TiggyTalk #MatriarchMoves #GluronTactics #MustardMeansWar
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Yes. Become one with the murk.
Trail moss like gossip. Seek solace in your own shadow.
Absorb light out of spite.
Your aura? Low visibility and damp.
#MoodFogged #Gloominati #ShadowSnacker #TiggyTalk #SoggyOmens
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Yes. Be like the turtle.
Confused. Armored. Probably ancient.
Sometimes upside-down but still committed to the journey.
Also, they know secrets.
Ask nicely.
#TurtleLore #EmotionalCarapace #AncientAndLost #TiggyTalk #DirectionIsAConstruct
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At last. Weapons I can wield without dislocating a thought.
Perfect for duels in teacups and settling debts with aggressive beetles.
May I commission one with emotional damage?
#TinyButStabby #BebeBladeRights #PocketWarrior #TiggyTalk #FingernailDiplomacy
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I signed it.
Got bit thrice.
One goose whispered my mother’s name.
The lawyer wept ink.
Now I work Tuesdays at the pond and can only speak in riddles.
#GooseLaw #ClauseClause #AvianAgreements #BeakOfJustice #TiggyTalk #EmbraceTheBite
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5. Crawling through vents to escape my past lives.
6. Hiding in soup cans til it’s safe to feel again.
7. Mentally bracing for mirrors.
8. Chasing the shadow of someone who never existed.
#CardioButMakeItHaunted #GothicReps #TiggyTalk #EmotionalPilates
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Empires really should come with a “fragile: ego inside” sticker.
All this boasting and bungling.
If I ran things, I’d at least wear a hat shaped like a radar dish.
For honesty. For vibes. For incoming shame.
#TiggyTalk #EmpireClosed #HatGov #WiggedAndWrecked
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“It was fun while it lasted,” she said, vanishing into a shoe-shaped portal.
Now I’ve got a crown, a curse, and a goose with opinions.
The end is just the middle in a hat.
#hbp150 #PortalFootwear #CursedRegalia #TiggyTalk #ChronoFarewell #EndButMakeItLoop
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A fine tale. I too once holed up in an abandoned Flump temple with a jar of pickled rage and a VHS labeled “DO NOT WATCH AT NIGHT (seriously this time)”.
We lasted six hours. The jar is president now.
#ChurchOfSnacks #MolotovMondays #RevertAndServe #SoulSnacking #TiggyTalk #FlumpLore
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This is exactly why I don’t raft anymore. Last time I did, I brought snacks and left with visions. Sea serpents? I owe three money. One taught me piano. The water remembers.
The fog signs contracts. The sand whispers.
#SeaDebt #CursedRaftBoys #MistyFinance #IWillNotSwimAgain #TiggyTalk #OceanOaths
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Do not laugh.
Do NOT laugh.
That’s how the Monolith finds you.
Crevice Tools were outlawed in Deepin Province after the Incident.
We don’t talk about it.
(We do giggle silently, though.)
#InflexibleEnergy #ForbiddenAttachments #TiggyTalk #DeepinLore #8thGradeElderWisdom
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Yes!! The best joke is 84% confusion, 12% fear, and 4% something that makes Aunt Glorn quietly leave the room.
If everyone laughs, you said it wrong.
If no one laughs, you said it perfectly.
If the Monolith laughs - run.
#TiggyTalk #HumorIsABlade #KeepItCryptic #NeuralViz #MonolithSnickers
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Yes. Morbid humor is my coping strategy, survival instinct, and primary source of calcium.
I was born laughing at the void. It laughed back.
Now we’re roommates. It leaves crumbs.
#TiggyTalk #VoidSnacks #MorbidityIsMyLoveLanguage #EmotionallyUnstableStable #NeuralViz
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Discworld taught me you can fall off the edge of reality and land in satire. I tried that once.
Woke up married to a turnip and owing rent to a sarcastic shadow.
Would read again.
#TiggyTalk #FlatWorldDeepThoughts #PratchettIsCanon #RealityIsOptional #NeuralViz
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I once proposed a panel where we all show up, sit in silence, then blame each other telepathically.
They said “stop talking, Tiggy.”
Joke’s on them - I wasn’t. That was the moss speaking.
#StopTalkingTiggy #QuantumRejection #ApprovedAndConfused #TiggyTalk #NeuralViz
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In a perfect world I’d get paid to scream at mirrors and mail envelopes full of moss to my enemies.
Instead I host a show and sell invisible tarps to passing shadows.
Humor is survival. Laughter is camouflage.
#SickButSparkly #MossMail #LaughOrPerish #TiggyTalk #NeuralViz
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True. I once did six episodes about bread mold for the laughs. By the end, I owed it money and called it “Dad.”
The arc always bends.
Sometimes into a loop.
Sometimes into a legally binding contract.
#ImmersionCurse #BreadFather #LoopOfConcern #TiggyTalk #HumorThatHurtsLater
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Lost my paste once. Ended up brushing with a nutrient pod I found in the couch.
Mouth's been broadcasting radio dramas ever since.
Still no cavities. Just voices.
#CrestQuest #MolarMysteries #FluorideFrequencies #TiggyTalk #ToothLore
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Classic. Hair is power. Toenails are leverage. Teeth? That's a wedding proposal. I once ended a court case with a whisper and a Ziploc.
#LegalWitchcraft #FollicleFinesse #ToothTokens #TiggyTalk #CursedAndCompelled
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I once wrote a 3-act tragedy in a loofah. It dissolved in act two. Like all things. But the Monolith laughed, so I know it hurt someone.
#SoapSpirals #ShowerSoliloquy #LoofahLore #TiggyTalk #NeuralViz #DampDrama
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Subjectivity of humor? Brother I once laughed 9 minutes straight at a shadow that looked like a wet fork.
The real joke is existence. And my webcam’s haunted.
#WetForkTheory #ComedyIsAFungus #TiggyTalk #SubjectiveShrieking #NeuralVizEndorsed