twinklebreeze.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

An interesting hypothetical if you’re wondering if Elon Musk is a genius or not is to compare his behaviour in any situation to what a complete moron would do in the same situation

submitted 9 hours ago • 79 comments

i got stung by a radioactive bee i can't fly or make honey, but my knees look fucking spectacular

submitted 19 hours ago • 9 comments

all metals are precious when you put their little outfits on

submitted 14 hours ago • 1 comment

My wife and I had a kid to try to save our marriage. But he’s 3 years old now, and his couples’ counseling skills seem non-existent.

submitted 14 days ago • 7 comments

(trying to stay calm, talking to the TV) kids if you don't get this dog under control you're never going to get to the bottom of what the hell is going on at the old drive-in. he's wasting precious time. look at him!! he's making a sandwich for christ sake

submitted 545 days ago • 1 comment

FEDERAL RESEARCH LAB SCIENTIST IN 1965: After five years and seventy million dollars we have invented a new type of plastic that prevents communists from being able to climb ladders too fast FEDERAL RESEARCH LAB SCIENTIST IN 2025: My cure for cancer was shelved because it might benefit Hispanics

submitted 15 hours ago • 87 comments

patient: but doctor.. i AM pagliacci pagliacci (pretending to be a doctor to drum up business): you can just say you don't want to go to the show

submitted 371 days ago • 2 comments

giving the people what they want

submitted 1 day ago • 19 comments

nasa dudes love to brag about finding ice on some awful planet that's like a hundred miles away.... that's great guys, probably just gonna keep using the stuff in my freezer tho

submitted 287 days ago • 3 comments

She: But WHY are you breaking up with me? Please tell me honestly He (sigh): Ok it’s… your “signature sex move” She: Judgmental Corpse?

submitted 382 days ago • 20 comments

not sure if the generic cereal is getting better or i’m just getting cheaper

submitted 23 hours ago • 10 comments

Trump Unsure What Department He Has To Cut To Make JD Vance Go Away theonion.com/trump-u...

submitted 22 hours ago • 51 comments

There’s nothing wrong with being squishy. People like squishy. Nobody is buying turgidmallows.

submitted 1 day ago • 8 comments

guess again dawg left coast goes hard

submitted 21 hours ago • 3 comments

quick update: the man makig dog noises outside my apt ended up being just a dog. to all Gorgeous women who DMed me asking if im ok—thank you

submitted 21 hours ago • 120 comments

person: I’m sad doctor: here are pills that make it impossible to cum or lose weight person: perfect

submitted 21 hours ago • 0 comments

Dude, what the FUCK is going on in this Netflix OJ Simpson docuseries?

submitted 3 days ago • 158 comments

So patronizing when the dentist patiently explains how to floss. I'm not a baby who doesn't know how to do basic things. I'm a baby who doesn't wanna

submitted 1 day ago • 354 comments

All this bullshit immediately crumbles when it's presented to anyone who's not a sympathetic cohost on your podcast

submitted 1 day ago • 153 comments

Had a dream that Coca-Cola has a new ad campaign where the soda wants to fuck you. The bottle says "I know I taste good, but I bet you taste even better." Voiceover: Coke, the soda that wants to fuck you

submitted 157 days ago • 34 comments

It's not ur, it's u're

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

Imagine how many polycules would still be intact if there was a Steven Universe episode about doing the dishes

submitted 1 day ago • 29 comments

Each morning I reinvent the wheel. "Rounder still," I whisper to the vacant dark.

submitted 3 days ago • 4 comments

Gettin this tattooed on my butt

submitted 3 days ago • 1 comment

Me: son, you're adopted Son: WHAT Me: no no it's a good thing, it means we actually wanted you Daughter: WHAT

submitted 10 days ago • 8 comments

Most Looney Tunes characters are effectively indestructible but I don’t think that’s true for Pepe Le Pew. I bet if you ran him over with a car he’d just die.

submitted 5 days ago • 134 comments

My dog forces his head into my hands, causing my phone to crash to the floor. "C'mon, scroll my ears," he urges,"we are going to feel better."

submitted 5 days ago • 15 comments

submitted 5 days ago • 7 comments

[at restaurant] THEM: what wine do you think pairs best with the moroccan short rib tagine ME: idk ask the some liar THEM: the some…you mean the sommelier? ME: [through a mouthful of bread] yeah some liar who lies about wine

submitted 62 days ago • 41 comments

Jesus: blessed are a ball garglers. I'm just tryna get my balls gargled Matthew (to scribe): don't write that one down

submitted 9 days ago • 4 comments

I bet the first time a pirate said “Ahoy there,” the mateys went berserk

submitted 5 days ago • 22 comments

@juliusgoat.bsky.social

submitted 5 days ago • 727 comments

[me on a roadtrip about to become super popular with the fellas] I call it a carmonica

submitted 32 days ago • 2 comments

zeroing in on the minimum necessary number of FAA employees by re-hiring a guy we just fired every time there's a plane crash. soon it'll be a perfectly efficient administration and aviation disasters will only happen on days where one person calls in sick

submitted 15 days ago • 3 comments

one time I accidentally brought a pizza to a gunfight instead of a gun and we ate the pizza and resolved differences until the last slice of pizza was up for grabs and a gunfight broke out

submitted 11 days ago • 81 comments

Crying rn because my bf hasn’t asked me to be his president for Presidents Day

submitted 6 days ago • 3 comments

Me in 1999: “That South Park movie was wacky, imagining an American imperialism so deranged that they decide to invade Canada in a crusade of censorship. 😂” Me in 2025: 😐

submitted 7 days ago • 210 comments

Wife: [kissing me] Let’s roleplay Me: ok Wife: Pretend you’re my daddy Me: ok Wife I’ve been a bad girl Me: why’d you marry that idiot

submitted 8 days ago • 15 comments

This feels relevant.

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

(explaining bugs bunny to a girl) ok the thing you gotta know about this guy is hes basically never serious. He is always clowning on others

submitted 6 days ago • 141 comments

(pointing to punisher logo on policeman's shirt while being arrested stealing baby shoes from Ross) thats fucking awesome . I love dead pool

submitted 6 days ago • 34 comments

huge red flag when any adult claims to have "enemies." you should have one enemy, and devote your every waking moment to destroying them

submitted 459 days ago • 5 comments

Family Cuts Nursing Home Visit Short So Grandmother Can Get Back To Excruciating Loneliness theonion.com/family-...

submitted 6 days ago • 27 comments

Artist re-hired after AI turned out to be too expensive: I'm not sure any of these assets are usable Former prompt engineer still making $400k who is now her manager: grateful artist crop top doesn't talk back big boob big ass trending on hinge goes to work slut-style is single and has child's face

submitted 168 days ago • 37 comments

Sad to report I just lost my job at nuclear, after 40 years of faithful service overseeing the US nuclear arsenal. My job was keeping all the nukes from exploding by pressing the don't explode button every 48 hours.

submitted 6 days ago • 224 comments

Embarrassing for modern classical composers that none of them are considered as good as a guy who died in the 1700s. Like being an automotive engineer and getting smoked by the designer of Fred Flintstone’s car

submitted 7 days ago • 88 comments

Herman Melville's "Moby Dick" has perhaps the most memorable opening line in all of Western literature: "I hope you motherfuckers like reading about whales"

submitted 7 days ago • 504 comments

sure clowns may make me laugh so hard all day with their big floppy shoes and outrageous wigs and colorful makeup, and yeah they dazzle children of all ages with amazing balloon animals and honk basically the funniest horns in the whole world, some of em even get out of a small car. forgot my point

submitted 8 days ago • 6 comments

submitted 270 days ago • 38 comments