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whatsagreenhorn.bsky.social
Yes, the one from Twitter
81 posts 1,036 followers 192 following
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i’m actually not walking here. i did live in new york for some years. during that time i was walking here. but that was there

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

JESUS: *holds up bread* this is my body *holds up wine* this is my blood *holds up hotdog* this is a sandwich lol JUDAS: ok that DOES IT

submitted 25 days ago • 11 comments

[Extremely New York voice] AYYY I'M RISEN HERE!!

submitted 23 days ago • 0 comments

I've been made aware of The Drama and I am extremely mad about it. I renounce in the strongest possible terms my awareness of The Drama and as a result my entire consciousness. I wish everything but the best for everyone involved.

submitted 53 days ago • 2 comments

(the next episode voice) ice cream everyday

submitted 69 days ago • 1 comment

This is such a diabolical way of informing me I've won $4 on a $10 ticket lmao

submitted 69 days ago • 0 comments

Today I introduced my favorite coworker to the version of Jack & Diane where the guy mostly just sings "suckin on chili dog" on repeat and dear reader she was much less happy about it than I expected her to be

submitted 75 days ago • 0 comments

Textbooks would later describe her as a giant of a woman, scraping the ceiling of the cabin at 5'4"

submitted 75 days ago • 0 comments

Imagine volunteering for the civil war and you show up to get your rifle and they hand you a snare drum lmao

submitted 77 days ago • 2 comments

My Sprite can told me to obey my thirst so I put it in the toaster oven with a note that said NO GODS NO MASTERS

submitted 78 days ago • 0 comments

@ygrene.bsky.social hello Donny

submitted 87 days ago • 1 comment

Citric the Entertainer lmao

submitted 100 days ago • 1 comment

Hard to believe in only 3 short years people are going to say you so 2000 and 20-late

submitted 100 days ago • 0 comments

groundhog: six more weeks of winter shorts all year guy: i am unphased by this news

submitted 100 days ago • 6 comments

[cookie monster quietly to himself just before going on camera] it's just a job it's just a job it's just a job [camera rolls] (deep sigh) ME WANT COOKIE

submitted 101 days ago • 13 comments

I hate Sixpence None the Richer. What the fuck is milky twilight? None of this is sexy.

submitted 127 days ago • 0 comments

Lumberjack pain reliever call that a flannelgesic

submitted 154 days ago • 0 comments

genie: what are your three wishes me: make me a waffle [suddenly I am a waffle] me: no, like a waffle to eat [in a flash waffle me is on a plate] me: no! for me to eat [a much larger me sits down in front of the plate]

submitted 158 days ago • 10 comments

Me: this could have been an email lmao Funeral director: probably not

submitted 156 days ago • 0 comments

Ending the year on a strong note by calling my Gen Z coworker Skibbidi Payroll. She hates it but it's the life she chose.

submitted 162 days ago • 0 comments

Thankful that my family understands I occasionally need to leave the table because my social battery is running low and also because I have explosive diarrhea

submitted 166 days ago • 1 comment

Gen Z dermatologists be like "skin issue"

submitted 170 days ago • 0 comments

People often ask me if there's a good reason why I'm sitting in their birdbath, but there almost never is

submitted 171 days ago • 6 comments

Interviewer: why did you leave your last job? Me: because of something my boss said Interviewer: it says here you were fired Me: that's the thing he said

submitted 172 days ago • 5 comments

Jon Bovi: Bad medicine is what I need RFK Jr.: *cums*

submitted 174 days ago • 0 comments

Walking through the rain from my car to my office, I thought about people who say things like "it's literally disgusting outside," and how they walk freely among us.

submitted 176 days ago • 0 comments

Football coach on acid throwing the red flag before the game: CHALLENGE YOUR MIND, MAAAAAAAAN

submitted 177 days ago • 0 comments

starbucks barista: order for cathy lou cthulhu: (visibly incensed) i guess that's me

submitted 201 days ago • 95 comments

400 B.C. post: How are your crops not growing bro just make a sacrifice at the temple of Demeter 😂 Reply: Some of us lost our livestock during the Peloponnesian War but go off?

submitted 177 days ago • 20 comments