Instead of giving thanks, we will be airing our major life grievances. Gathered family and friends will then tell you, "Fuck your feelings, you woke snowflake."
When none of my guests came to dinner with their own turkeys, that they were each supposed to work on separately so we could compete and choose the best one, thus improving innovation and efficiency in the field.
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But honestly I love Thanksgiving. Nothing says American self-reliance quite Iike a holiday where everyone shares the fruit of their labor.
Hey wait...
We're all dependent on each other.
Even u Republicans.