Hello good, rational people. Help us settle a dispute. If you saw a sign at a wedding that read “in lieu of favors, the couple has made a donation to [charity associated with illness that bride’s mom died from],” what would you think? Would it be different if the charity was a local cat shelter? - ThreadSky

jacasiegel.bsky.social • 60 days ago

Hello good, rational people. Help us settle a dispute. If you saw a sign at a wedding that read “in lieu of favors, the couple has made a donation to [charity associated with illness that bride’s mom died from],” what would you think?

Would it be different if the charity was a local cat shelter?

Comments

franzel.bsky.social•60 days ago

Are wedding favors even still a thing? I can’t imagine any issue with it. Maybe if a guest is completely irrational but what can you do in that scenario anyway?

claireecusack.bsky.social•60 days ago

I’ve seen this a bit! My general thought on weddings is who cares what others think/do what you want! Even if illness related charity evokes different feelings than a cat one, I’d be like “cool they chose something that spoke to them,” happily donate to whatever to honor couple, and move on.

scientificruvvy.bsky.social•60 days ago

Both are very kind, generous, and lovely ideas. I’d be happy the money is going to a good cause and not being wasted on garbage that no one needs and likely was a product of unethical labor and would pollute the earth further.

annaropp.bsky.social•60 days ago

I wouldn’t think twice if there weren’t any favors. I don’t think there needs to be an explanation.

aliciamwalker1.bsky.social•60 days ago

I think you can just skip favors altogether. 🤷🏼‍♀️

proflaurenmyers.bsky.social•60 days ago

That sounds like a lovely idea, especially if you said you did so in honor of your mom.

professorstephanie.bsky.social•60 days ago

Also planning a wedding, and I think a lot of people are doing away with favors regardless because they get wasted so I don't think the sign would hurt at all! Much better use of money.

drklassen.bsky.social•60 days ago

I don't think I'd expect favors at a wedding enough to need an explanation for there being none.

emilielacroix.bsky.social•60 days ago

I’d think “Great, I don’t have to feel guilty when I throw this thing in the trash!”

drklassen.bsky.social•60 days ago

Super-honest; kudos! 😂

dpmoriarity.bsky.social•60 days ago

We did something similar! Decided that since we decided the guest list, most of them would know us well enough that it wouldn't be surprising and they wouldn't be fragile about it

kaitsims.bsky.social•60 days ago

Wouldn’t think twice about it at all. I’d hope that folks coming to your wedding would support that cause! Alternatively, you could add a donation option to your registry?

jacasiegel.bsky.social•60 days ago

Yes, those are the two options we are are considering (we might do both)!

charlrwalker.bsky.social•60 days ago

I asked people to donate to my favourite charity instead of buying me presents for my large 50th birthday party. Most people followed my wishes

adhddogmom.bsky.social•60 days ago

I would love it and probably tear up, missing my own Mom

bwisco.bsky.social•60 days ago

It’s your wedding and you should 100% do what is meaningful to you. I can see your partner’s perspective, though, that this goes against norms. Typically folks say “in lieu of giving us a gift, please donate”. This is saying “instead of us giving you a gift, we are donating to our chosen charity”.

bwisco.bsky.social•60 days ago

That being said, I agree with everyone that favors are often wasteful and most wedding guests wouldn’t miss them. I would probably not provide the favors and wouldn’t feel the need to explain why you don’t have them.

jacasiegel.bsky.social•60 days ago

Yes, his thinking exactly! This idea was recommended to us by our coordinator, and I think it is becoming more common (my only data point to support this is that you can get signs on Zazzle that say it 😂)

bwisco.bsky.social•60 days ago

I may be behind the times!

morrsport.bsky.social•60 days ago

That sounds like a much better use of the money than favors nobody wants

ldurgavich.bsky.social•60 days ago

Wedding favors = wasteful
Charitable donations = good

cegjeg.bsky.social•60 days ago

I’m totally fine with that, honestly I don’t even expect favors at a wedding anymore. I haven’t been to a wedding recently where favors were distributed, so I have 0 expectations when it comes to that. Plus, I’d rather contribute to a good cause than have another small candle.

jacasiegel.bsky.social•60 days ago

I feel so strongly that this is the only appropriate response to this question but Davis is worried that people will think, “I should get to decide for myself whether the money gets donated or if I get a favor!”

emilydolson.bsky.social•60 days ago

I think a blanket donation to a charity of the couple's choosing is totally fine, but if it would make him feel better I've heard of some people choosing three different charities, setting out a bowl for each, giving everyone a little token, and letting guests use the token to choose their charity

cegjeg.bsky.social•60 days ago

I understand where Davis is coming from, at the same time it’s your wedding and you get to decide how you’re celebrated! Anyone who knows you knows how much your mom means to you. Also look at how often people even finish the cake then tell me they’re trying to take anything else home 🤷🏻‍♂️

cegjeg.bsky.social•60 days ago

Also also if I was at a wedding and the option was presented to me, either donate to this cause that very directly means a lot to the bride or have some small soap? And I pick the small soap??? Idk I should get studied in a lab or something

cegjeg.bsky.social•60 days ago

Okay sorry one more thing, I run an annual event where we distribute party favors, and we have to BEG people to take them and always have SO many leftovers.

aishwaryakraj.medsky.social•60 days ago

Think it’s lovely to cap a celebration doing something in service of others (and why not feline friends?)!

astronomisty.bsky.social•60 days ago

People will complain no matter what you choose (or at least my family did), so don’t worry about them when making your decisions.

wpball.com•60 days ago

As a guest? I would be totally fine with that.

draislingod.bsky.social•60 days ago

Honestly, I don't remember the last time I saw favours at a wedding and would much prefer that the couple donated money to any charity of their choosing than waste the money on keepsakes that very few people will really want cluttering their homes! The choice of charity wouldn't matter to me.

baswerdlow.bsky.social•60 days ago

Love this idea! Can't think of the last wedding we attended that had favors for guests, so it wouldn't even occur to me to expect one.

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