Elon Musk Holds Office-Wide Contest To Guess How Many Sperm In Cup theonion.com/elon-mu... - ThreadSky

mcincali1.bsky.social•1 day ago

When will normal people be sick enough of this to get out the pitchforks?

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pcsherry.bsky.social•1 day ago

Only the onion is not afraid to tell the truth
🤣🤣🤣

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robbedoflife.bsky.social•1 day ago

Isnt this a waste of tax payer money? Since when is it ok to do stuff like this on America's tax dollars? Thought this asshole was supposed to be saving Americans money not spending it on sperm in a fucking cup

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donrumgayjr.bsky.social•1 day ago

Don’t give him any more stupid ideas….

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briween.bsky.social•1 day ago

employees who do not post a guess by EOD will either be fired or forced to count them so we know who wins

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tompgreenliving.bsky.social•1 day ago

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beaniesmom.bsky.social•1 day ago

You can’t have a FELON
without ELON
😂😂

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zabroglexis.bsky.social•12 hours ago

Probably zero with the amount of drugs he has in his system.

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moderateinall.bsky.social•1 day ago

Guess right or you lose your job.

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ryanburchett.bsky.social•1 day ago

🤣

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msbak.bsky.social•1 day ago

😆😂🤣🤮

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navaljelly.bsky.social•1 day ago

I've seen him accurately predict it using only taste and mouthfeel.

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latertater27.bsky.social•1 day ago

The follow up story needs to be: Elon rigs results of office-wide sperm contest.

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ladyracer71.bsky.social•1 day ago

DISGUSTING PIG

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kickboxmom.bsky.social•1 day ago

Gross on so many levels.

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jillbvermont.bsky.social•1 day ago

musk is a classless pig

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a5sinceday5.bsky.social•1 day ago

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reggielampert.bsky.social•1 day ago

Almost all Musk’s children were born through IVF. Twins, Triplets…

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noletx.bsky.social•1 day ago

Volume of Soerm in cup = .5 X (volume Putin deposited in his mouth)

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cardiffsurf.bsky.social•1 day ago

I must apologize to the muskrat population of America. I now understand they serve a critical role in our ecology. Quite to the contrary, Elon Musk serves absolutely no useful purpose whatsoever to our ecology or our country.

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cardiffsurf.bsky.social•1 day ago

Please tell me this is a joke?. However, I know that it is real, and the muskrat is about as disgusting as muskrats come.

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gardenbob.bsky.social•1 day ago

The person who guesses correctly gets to keep their job.

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thesoutherndad.bsky.social•1 day ago

God damn it. Thought it was real news again.

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estherinthemiddle.bsky.social•1 day ago

If this morning you had showed me this headline and the one about Bongino being named deputy director of the FBI and asked me which was real, I would chosen the Elon one. These are the times we are living in.

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estherinthemiddle.bsky.social•1 day ago

*would have chosen

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juelz4fingaz.bsky.social•1 day ago

Jesus that’s a terribly great point 😭

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kevin.oonian.com•1 day ago

Took a while to realize this was the Onion. I hate living in the dumbest timeline!

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shieldmaiden7.bsky.social•1 day ago

Gross! No one wants to see your JIZ, Muskrat! You're so disgusting!

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caljames.bsky.social•1 day ago

Come again??

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jessica517.bsky.social•1 day ago

Obviously he has zero in his cup.

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ohiohamlet.bsky.social•1 day ago

10cc. “I’m not in love”

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mdcantwell.bsky.social•1 day ago

If the number is above zero, it is way too many. Maybe he can fire them.

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austrich.bsky.social•1 day ago

is the onion pivoting to future news instead of satire?

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elda64.bsky.social•1 day ago

Sick fduck!

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semper-veritas1.bsky.social•1 day ago

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dLF725CX4mM

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latiniumate.bsky.social•1 day ago

Will Trump drink it lol

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squirrel-gurl.bsky.social•1 day ago

He would.

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moorke.bsky.social•20 hours ago

Pass it on…

https://www.change.org/p/revoke-elon-musk-s-u-s-citizenship-4cd4c518-902f-465a-83d6-6b11265c1463?utm_medium=custom_url&utm_source=share_petition&recruited_by_id=5f8b5030-a572-0130-f23a-3c764e049c64

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weefa.bsky.social•1 day ago

what a terrible day to be literate

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the-johnny-box.bsky.social•1 day ago

He hired gamers to fill his cup. No way he did it himself.

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lady-sisyphus.bsky.social•1 day ago

It took me a second to realize this was from @theonion.com lol. It's an entirely plausible story.

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cloudygrayfox.bsky.social•1 day ago

Kind of not a joke. We called them turkey baster babies in Obgyn

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davidkister.bsky.social•1 day ago

Neat.

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turntopagex.bsky.social•1 day ago

But how much will he pay us to drink it?

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canadianbacon66.bsky.social•1 day ago

Elon 1st job, teller at a sperm bank, fired for drinking on the job.

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uncletantra.bsky.social•23 hours ago

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afab-acab.bsky.social•1 day ago

Embarrassed how much I laughed at this

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orbpondering.bsky.social•1 day ago

I genuinely thought this was real for a moment… 😩

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propeptide3.bsky.social•1 day ago

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juelz4fingaz.bsky.social•1 day ago

🤣🤣🤣💯

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corvaire.bsky.social•1 day ago

Zero, they've been lying to him for profit.

Like he does the American People.

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chrisferret.bsky.social•1 day ago

They would be the number of times his dad tried to shoot him into space 👍

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ericamoss.bsky.social•1 day ago

Two, their names are XXX and Xersex

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wazzy1949.bsky.social•5 hours ago

https://youtu.be/d1Vcak7YlCo

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nichdav.bsky.social•1 day ago

...and what does the winner get? 🤢

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turntopagex.bsky.social•1 day ago

A brand new CAR! It might automatically crash you or set itself on fire though

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rbsnst.bsky.social•1 day ago

Seriously

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k8delgado.bsky.social•1 day ago

This is hard to swallow…

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jupiter-917.bsky.social•1 day ago

Had me laughing harder than I'd expected 😄, given the current state of affairs...

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k8delgado.bsky.social•1 day ago

Try not to gag😉

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jupiter-917.bsky.social•1 day ago

😆
🤢

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densetsu-no-baka.bsky.social•1 day ago

lmao, same. It was a well deserved heart 🤣

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jasski.bsky.social•1 day ago

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1tony.bsky.social•6 hours ago

Elon is just showing off the best part of himself that ran down is mother's leg all those years ago.

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randysrodz1.bsky.social•1 day ago

https://www.reddit.com/user/Randysrodz/comments/1ixptpt/this_video_leaked_today/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

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germyf.bsky.social•1 day ago

This is exactly as dumb as all the AI drek on facebook. Stop doing this.

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msbhavin.bsky.social•1 day ago

Sadly if I saw this headline without the onion logo I would’ve completely believed it.

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jaredbir01.bsky.social•13 hours ago

Hello lovely fan, thanks for your wonderful comments 💓 massage me privately 💌❤️......
👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇
https://t.me/elonmayespacex

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armscorpio57.bsky.social•1 day ago

He’s doing this now because he’s tired of using his own sperm to get his side ladies pregnant & using semen of blonde hair-blue eyed men to form a Musker Race.

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devilishlydo.bsky.social•1 day ago

Four, which is four too many.

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toddman42.bsky.social•1 day ago

Don’t know, but there’s a dick holding it.

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djmccann.bsky.social•1 day ago

I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize!

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bmartens44.bsky.social•1 day ago

um...his sperm? zero. the powers that be has radiated him to the point that no more children will suffer or be used as a human shield. Blech.

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batfink.bsky.social•1 day ago

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annmariethurmond.bsky.social•1 day ago

Eeeeewwww

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jonikaariainen.bsky.social•1 day ago

Nörtti ja spermapurkki - Elon Musk esittelee spermaansa!

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seekingkindness.bsky.social•1 day ago

Disgusting

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eaos.bsky.social•1 day ago

This is both disgusting and way too real lol.

That crap must be radioactive ☠️

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loltyrjustice11.bsky.social•1 day ago

my guess is 572,893,185.592

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loltyrjustice11.bsky.social•1 day ago

yes, he has .592 of a sperm in there

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chrispycritter59.bsky.social•1 day ago

Zero. Too much weed and ketamine have made him sterile.

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bardoillusion.bsky.social•23 hours ago

HIS sperm, no doubt. From yet another failed IVF attempt.

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virginiagjh.bsky.social•1 day ago

HR in any other company would sack an office creep for such a disgusting act

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1tony.bsky.social•6 hours ago

Damn, I'm not sure if Trump or Elon is the top fu*kup of the century. I guess the award can be shared.

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lucyinbskywdymonds.bsky.social•22 hours ago

One sperm was from Musk's Jizz and it unwillingly was dropped into the cup. The rest are responding to Musk's email stating all of his sperm respond with 5 reasons why they should be ejaculated the next time T sucks his dick.

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lakeone.bsky.social•1 day ago

He is so “vial”.

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debifo.bsky.social•1 day ago

🤣🤣🤣

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thefartingdoctor.bsky.social•1 day ago

I thought he replaced all his sperm with X’s

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abooklysolo.bsky.social•1 day ago

Does he count them by hand as he extracts them from his broken meat stick?

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orsonyells.bsky.social•1 day ago

Trump can tell by taste.

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jimiburnham.bsky.social•17 hours ago

I don't see any sperm, just a dick with a cup.

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jaredbir01.bsky.social•13 hours ago

@Elon musk fans:Hello lovely fan, thanks for your wonderful comments 💓 massage me privately 💌❤️......
👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇
https://t.me/elonmayespacex

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1tony.bsky.social•6 hours ago

more like an a-hole with a cup...top a-hole of the century

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stevebuzinkai.bsky.social•1 day ago

This is easy. Zero. You need balls to make sperm. :p

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joostvanhienen.bsky.social•1 day ago

https://bsky.app/profile/joostvanhienen.bsky.social/post/3liyiah76sc23

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jbr0cks.bsky.social•1 day ago

How to enhance productivity and weed out "corruption"

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olenatheshroomlady.bsky.social•19 hours ago

None. It's an oatmeal cup.

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shankhead.bsky.social•13 hours ago

Musk has demanded that federal employees send him bullets. I sincerely hope they promptly comply.

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bakoko.bsky.social•1 day ago

A juvenile Schmuck!

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withappens.bsky.social•1 day ago

But he can't participate because his dick doesn't work.

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therealzman.bsky.social•19 hours ago

He has another man donate sperm, his is all muddled up, you know, with the mutations and all.

Surrogate sperm donor
IVF To paid women

Is anything real in this guys life?

This sure is the master race,

😂

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densetsu-no-baka.bsky.social•1 day ago

When did you guys start reporting reality?

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eifelrally.bsky.social•1 day ago

What Elon has in his hands is half of what Elon's father threw aside when he was conceived. That's why Elon didn't develop into a normal person. After the asshole finished, development stopped

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debdigregorio.bsky.social•1 day ago

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julieriver.com•1 day ago

None

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smoothblendfitness.bsky.social•1 day ago

The left wanted to make cumming in a cup illegal

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abysmalzydrate.bsky.social•1 day ago

[citation needed]

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vanisleottawan.bsky.social•1 day ago

Jaysus, I HAVE to read who the poster is before I read the headline.

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turntopagex.bsky.social•1 day ago

In times like these, and with what other media sources post, do you? Do you REALLY?

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ashkai12.bsky.social•1 day ago

Winner chosen by Elon and by taste.

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fpardalis.bsky.social•1 day ago

Naturally, Elon’s sperm have all the motility of a Cybertruck fording a mountain stream. Now that’s impressive!

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florisartist.bsky.social•1 day ago

The image of a Cybertruck and a mountain stream glitches terribly and I will need to lie down now.

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olemikalsen.bsky.social•1 day ago

One is enough

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seriesjunkie.bsky.social•1 day ago

Someone's gotta Luigi the bullshit artist ASAP!

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turntopagex.bsky.social•1 day ago

I’d love to see it!!! And I would donate to their legal defense fund too!
Wait, is there a kickstarter campaign for this?

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tonylizza.bsky.social•1 day ago

Was this before or after he started sending employees pints of his blood?

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pryorhistory.bsky.social•1 day ago

Me always having to double-check if I am reading a headline from The Onion or not

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answerdealer.bsky.social•1 day ago

Finally, a competition at X where the prize isn’t just “not getting fired.”

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cahoff.bsky.social•1 day ago

Problem is @theonion.com this seems like something dogeboy would do.

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olympiadonna.cloud•1 day ago

I shall pronounce that as dog-E-boy. 🤭

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cahoff.bsky.social•1 day ago

Perfect.

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zenzi10zi.bsky.social•1 day ago

The Onion just reporting facts.

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detroitgoose.com•1 day ago

"Failure to guess will be taken as a resignation."

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tommacuaidh.bsky.social•1 day ago

Given that it was produced by tiny hands, I would suggest a count of 5 or 6.

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jefedemaquinas.bsky.social•1 day ago

fElon holds up proof that he is a w⚓

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rstew62.bsky.social•18 hours ago

It was none after he drank it.

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pmenza.bsky.social•1 day ago

The ketamine addict is disgusting! The MAGA’s think this is funny?!

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manthamae.bsky.social•1 day ago

What a disgusting Ahole!

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hpny.bsky.social•1 day ago

Completely plausible 😂😂😂🤦🏻‍♀️

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someguymayber.bsky.social•1 day ago

He probably got like three
I like to be very generous

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aquavirago.bsky.social•1 day ago

You are generous. If it's hizz jizz, I guessed two.

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sudi-tv.bsky.social•1 day ago

I had to double check it was @theonion.com, I was genuinely unsure.

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hortz.bsky.social•20 hours ago

I think he’s looking to have a lottery for the next baby mama.

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tosawihi.bsky.social•1 day ago

He swallowed half already #MuskRat🐀

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greenfrog0402.bsky.social•1 day ago

This guy is a nutcase! 😵‍💫

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nancy-mahony.bsky.social•1 day ago

Yuck 🤮

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vanessalynn.bsky.social•1 day ago

Eewww

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wildestimaginings.bsky.social•1 day ago

Hahahahaha…if he did this he’d participate lol 😝

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tripno6.bsky.social•1 day ago

Plain M&Ms, or peanut?

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jasski.bsky.social•1 day ago

Guaranteed Melania knows the answer.

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pmzyox.bsky.social•1 day ago

I think he mixed it up with the ketamine again

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pauluspeters.bsky.social•1 day ago

Two swirls, one cup?

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turntopagex.bsky.social•1 day ago

Brilliant!!!

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pauluspeters.bsky.social•1 day ago

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turntopagex.bsky.social•1 day ago

Art is hard… and yet somehow, he still doesn’t look anymore creepy than normal!

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pauluspeters.bsky.social•1 day ago

It actually shows a surprising resemblance from how he looked for the operations and botox turned him into "space Christopher Walken". He really had developed such an odd deformed head...

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badlittlegirl.bsky.social•1 day ago

Sick.....

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basedhits.bsky.social•1 day ago

I bet he tastes it for quality first.

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bob-barr.bsky.social•1 day ago

Too believable

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kmcelroy24.bsky.social•1 day ago

Ok but who is verifying the count? If it’s Elon I think it’s rigged already

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aquavirago.bsky.social•1 day ago

Need more info. Whose? If it's his jizz... maybe 2.

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flcloud.bsky.social•1 day ago

Someone needs to get him to the vet to get fixed.

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mypdt.bsky.social•3 hours ago

https://bsky.app/profile/mypdt.bsky.social/post/3lj2xjtw7a227

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gordonmoat.bsky.social•1 day ago

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dennis-moore.bsky.social•1 day ago

Still warm?

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bennythecrumb.bsky.social•1 day ago

He cheats by sipping off a bit when no one is looking.

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trandazzo.bsky.social•1 day ago

Gross!!!

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phteven26.bsky.social•1 day ago

Does it really matter?

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itsfundamental.bsky.social•1 day ago

There's a joke in here somewhere about having more net worth than your nut worth. But shaming 13 children for their parents behavior just doesn't seem fair.

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