Writers, an easy thing to make your writing tighter: Take out "started to" and "began to."
Their phone started to ring ❌
Their phone rang ✅
He began to run away ❌
He ran away ✅
There are exceptions, but usually these words are clutter.
Their phone started to ring ❌
Their phone rang ✅
He began to run away ❌
He ran away ✅
There are exceptions, but usually these words are clutter.
Comments
This principle applies in many aspects of writing. Sentence structure has purpose. Tense has purpose. Use them to craft the experience you want to create.
Remember that you are creating a reader experience. That might match the experience of your characters, but not necessarily.
Sometimes we can't see our own recurring words, so having a friend with a keen eye can help out here.
Simplicity is a tool of mastery.
To
"They DarkSouls II: Scholar of The First Sin'd"
Would this be right?
The biggest offender being: ‘that’
I recently read a book that had a lot of had hads in it. At least 2 per chapter.
Sometimes, we need to be smacked with the simple and easy.
...That's too harsh. It's not horrible. But it must be used sparingly.
I was laughing hysterically after a while. But not in a good way.
i never thought about it before
"We will have none of that today." She said pulling the battery out.
Unless the phone was cut off mid-ring, it just “rang.”
The entire ring happens—no need to focus on the start of something that is brief and uninterrupted.
That level of precision is... How shall I say this tactfully. As a reader, I personally love that precision in any book I read. But norms vary among genres. Some genres are more plot-focused, and some are more language-focused.
Then what's with the WOULD!?
"Their phone would ring. Then Name answers their phone."
"We would visit the store every Thursday."
They read this and overgeneralize it to be the present indicative. ("We visit the store every Thursday.")
I blame online RP.
More than anything, my education with these finer points came from reading talented writers.
What!?
They're so incredibly helpful to understand for both English language learners and native speakers who wish to communicate more precise thoughts!
Even a quick day or two devoted to telling students that they EXIST would be invaluable.
Anecdote: REALLY helped me understand French verbs.
Their phone started to ring.
Their phone rang.
They heard their phone ringing.
Was that the phone?
Ringing split the air, as the phone vibrated.
RING RING RING-
(No I don’t. I’d be out of a job.)
but yeah, it does get overused.
An obvious example is the use of short, choppy sentences in action sequences.
The stronger the writer, the more granular I get with that. I love to get down to a sentence level, to a syllable level, with the writers who have the chops for it, and the interest in taking their craft in that direction. Not everyone is there for fine-tuned wordsmithing, and that's okay.
I hope I'm someday worthy of such a fine-toothed comb :3
Was proofing a short story of mine yesterday. Extremely unimpressed with myself 😂
Their phone rings✅
He begins to run away ❌
He runs away ✅
...but your bigger point stands. Present tends lends itself toward leaner writing, more economical prose.
But if you're paying me by the hour? Save yourself some money and scrub those out yourself.
Seriously, don't beat yourself up. Even the most talented writers have embarrassing little quirks. That's what editors are here for.
I just need to set my auto complete to just replace just with 😡
CTRL+F for “began to” and “started to” will also get you there. And then you can decide which ones to keep. They’re not all bad.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_while_John_had_had_had_had_had_had_had_had_had_had_had_a_better_effect_on_the_teacher
When a writer has the chops to pull off past perfect, it's wonderful, but usually best suited for slow-paced stories.
Example: Y/N is relaxing. He looks down at the page he just wrote. He gets up, does a squat, shits, and goes back to writing.
Subject verb object.
Subject verb object.
Subject verb object.
That gets real old real fast.
My mother (a former English teacher) gave me this companion piece of advice: "Read your own writing out loud. If you stumble over phrasing, rewrite the sentence until it flows smoothly."
But otherwise yeah, it’s usually unneeded
or how about some SciFi
"Their phone began to ring, but they glowered at the device, and it wisely silenced itself."