If you could give ONE piece of advice to a trans teen who’s about to get kicked out of the house when she turns 18, has no family to turn to, and is (understandably) worried she’ll become homeless, what would it be?
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I’ve seen good advice on the legaladvice subreddit, but IDK if there are legal issues here. There is a trans subreddit, which might be worth browsing.
There’s also an advice subreddit. And perhaps seeing the ones specific to that area?
I've listened to a lot of rSlash videos where children were either kicked out by their parents at 18, regardless of orientation or gender, and that's been the general advice given.
Having all your paperwork, ESPECIALLY your social security, means less chance of identity fraud.
Assuming they can’t just stay in my guest room for a bit? Steal shit from your parents. Cash, jewelry, weapons, anything you can sell. And don’t get caught.
For general crisis management - triage. What can you do right now to be prepared? Take stock of your resources, make lists, make contacts, practice emergency routes, write down all your concerns and focus on the things you can do something about, while indentifying solutions for the biggest problems
Try your best not to be overwhelmed by all the problems at once - what can you do? What can you control? What can you influence? What help do you need? Who are the people that can help? What are the remaining gaps? Have back up plans for your back up plans wherever possible
The number one thing that has been a barrier for every homeless person I’ve ever known is getting and keeping vital documents. Social security card, birth certificate, photo ID. They’re necessary to get any kind of job and many forms of assistance, and extremely difficult to replace.
Also, many homeless shelters offer a Mail Drop address even when they can’t offer a bed. This would give her a “home mailing address” for job applications, FAFSA, state and federal services, etc.
When I worked for a homeless youth org the first 2 months in the house was usually spent fighting various bureaucracies to get missing documents before the kids could even START looking for work or registering for services. Having them in hand was a huge head start.
Graduate high school. If you’ll be 18 before then talk to your school’s homeless youth center now. Any teacher can point you in that direction. Get a job and save like your life depends on it, because it does. Grocery stores hire high school kids as baggers and always need help.
1) You are absolutely not as alone as you will feel. Do not be afraid to lean on the friends (even safe online friends) who will support you
2) Documents are so important. If able, leave copies of important documents with your most trusted confidant
3) print out a tangible list of resource near you
Assemble a "go bag" with all of the essentials. What those are will depend on your circumstances. @margaret.bsky.social's article is a useful starting place. Feel free to adjust contents to meet your needs. Include all those vital documents in a waterproof container (a ziplock or trash bag works).
If they're a resident of Maryland and need legal advice, Freestate Justice is a nonprofit providing free legal services for transgender people. https://www.freestate-justice.org/
Connections, both local and online. Friends that can help. Short term sources of money (donations). Long term sources of money (jobs, social programs).
The most important thing is making friends who will house you until you get on your feet, especially if this is a thing that will happen soon.
I helped someone I knew when they were a kid escape a similar situation a while ago. She reached out to me. Got them a taxi and train ticket to someone they knew in another state who would let them stay there. They’re doing great now.
Get connected with all of the local agencies. The library can help. Things like food banks, health and human services, department of health clinics. If they are comfortable with it, see if there's an affirming faith community (UU, or UUC are good bets), and get connected.
Discretely connect with local queer groups to find resources; visit local libraries (if able) to research additional resources; have a go-bag with important docs/meds to grab&go at a moments notice; determine a safe location for any possessions if you can't leave with them all; save change whereucan
One piece of advice? Find your local Queer organizations and make connections! Even if they're not tailored to teens or finding housing - this is your community and where you will build the connections that grow into the found family which will replace your shitty family of origin.
There are often local orgs in addition to the widespread ones like Trevor Project, Trans Lifeline, and Rainbow Railroad. Mama Dragons is an org that's focused on moms of Queer kids, but lots of the individual parents in the group have taken on bonus kids when they're rejected by their first fam.
Leaving beloved personal items behind likely means an abuser will destroy them, or even use them for ransom/leverage. Ask a friend to hold sentimental items (in closet/garage) until you have a space yourself. Do it soon, since as kick-out day approaches abusers may escalate item destruction/theft.
Gather all your primary documents so you don't have to go back to get them. Birth certificate and social security card being two big ones. Passport if you have it is another one.
This website is a great resource, especially this article about still applying to college while homeless. (If you live in the dorms, that solves a lot of the problems of homelessness, and financial aid will cover a number of living expenses.)
If they have mental health challenges, make sure to contact your state's equivalent of the Department of Mental Health and Mass Rehab, both of which have a ton of resources.
Also look into federal SSDI (disability income through the Department of Social Security).
It would be SSI without years of work credits to qualify for SSDI, but yes, if she thinks she can qualify start that process early. Most states are so backlogged that even getting the medical exam for SSI is 200+ days, and most folks spend 3+ years appealing in order to qualify.
Parents are unlikely to kick her off their insurance so make sure she has her health insurance info with her too. Start squirreling away money now or valuables. Follow the advice for women leaving abusive marriages in terms of planning.
We've had a trans teen spend a summer with us before cause of the same crap. That's how I learned the health insurance tip. By default kids usually stay on til age 26. If she leaves without a copy, she can call the company and get the info to still use it.
This might seem silly, but getting a library card and using library services. Some have social workers that are employed to help people, and you get free internet access on computers. There's also a lot of connections & knowledge that librarians have about the community for mutual aid.
Get your documents (birth certificate, etc...) and if you think housing is going to be unstable via shelters and couch surfing, see if you have anyone who can be a fixed address for mail, even if they can't house you.
Shitty call centers was my go to for taking any warm body for a job ASAP.
Keep your documents safe and secure as possible, at all times.
Memorize the numbers of your local trans support networks.
Find a way to keep/get a new cell phone.
Figure out wifi access locally.
Fundraise online.
Talk to local human services asap for housing assist.
Reach out to the nearest LGBTQ+ center, and if there isn't one nearby, find one online. There's an entire community of people like you who will accept you for who you are and help you find a sense of belonging. Your tribe is out there, and don't stop looking for them.
Thank you! The name was inspired by the David Bowie song, Moonage Daydream (my theme song). I got the name in the 90s when I was in my 20s. Now I'm 52 and I'm still electricspacegirl. And I will still be electricspacegirl when I'm in my 80s living in an old folks home lol.
Start putting together a job application package. Resume, reference doc, and create an email account for professional use. The library should be able to help. If no work experience, start volunteering now. If she can line up a job now, those wages can go towards future living expenses.
Related, get an interview outfit now. Try to make sure it's machine washable or hand wash. There are organizations like this that can get you the clothes free or low cost.
This is more secondary advice than primary, but an easy way to get a little money is to sign-up for research studies (once 18) via universities. There are a lot of behavioral health ones that are virtual and pay out in gift cards or pre-paid debit cards.
As soon as she's 18, set up a bank account at a Credit Union (fewer fees and penalties) and get a low limit credit card ($500-1000 max) from them for emergencies. Start stocking away money now.
Be wary of how expensive being poor is. There's no shame in going on food stamps and receiving help/benefits. If a situation is bad, don't wait. Walk away. Better to go through a rough year and have temp discomfort than risk getting stuck. Seek trans orgs and make friends. Get an education.
Former library worker here: in addition to libraries being a safe daytime climate controlled space, librarians can help her look up resources near her and mitigate some of the overwhelm in searching. 211 is also a good place to find out about local resources if she's got spoons for a phone call.
(I saw libraries shouted out already but wanted to be clear that librarians themselves and their skill base are a resource she can lean on; most of us who work/ed in libraries were drawn to it because we want to help people! Specifically, I want her to feel empowered to ask for help.)
Cleaning services!! Esp ones that clean commercial buildings. They make phenomenal money and seem to usually be pretty tight-knit & work well with employees
I clean toilets, mop, vacuum, dust, wipe down surfaces, take out trash. Very formulaic, routine work. Same places, same tasks. I work 4 days a week, sleep til noon, work from 5 or 6pm until around 11-1am. Never even seen the admin office. Timeclock is an app & pay is DD.
A lot of lgbtq+ youth centers work with young adults too - the one I used to work at worked with ppl up to 25 years old. I dunno if there are any things like that in this kids area but I'd highly recommend finding a queer friendly community center or library to get involved with.
The place that I worked for was odyssey youth center in Spokane WA. https://www.odysseyyouth.org/ - if you shoot them an email (tell em I sent you if you want) - they may be able to help you find similar orgs in your area or connect her with resources.
- makes connections with fellow queer folks.
- usually they have connections to other programs that can assist with other needs like food and housing or even gender affirming care.
getting kicked out before you're ready can be really hard, but you'll surprise yourself with how much you step the fuck up and get shit done. you'll surprise yourself how self-reliant you can be!!
I feel if they can afford it a sport membership so they always have access to a shower. A library is good because you can use the pcs for job opportunities. That's the tips I heard from some people that were homeless themselves.
Make secure electronic copies of paperwork. If you want to be most secure at are slightly tech savy, you can encrypt them with a password of a memorable phrase using one of many free online pieces of software. Then, keep digital and online encrypted copies. You can unencrypt them when needed.
Secondary: Stay clean as possible. Eat healthy and stay active if healthy enough to do so, not easy when homeless. Keep a hygiene and first aid kit. Treat small injuries. Floss and brush teeth. This is hard, depressing, not simple. But prevents small things that can become expensive health issues.
Tertiary, reach out to friends. Couch surfing even occasionally helps massivly. Lean on friendships, or even safe family members if any exist outside the home being left. You are worth it, its not weakness, its not failure, its not just making things harder for others. Humans need support.
Comments
I’ve seen good advice on the legaladvice subreddit, but IDK if there are legal issues here. There is a trans subreddit, which might be worth browsing.
There’s also an advice subreddit. And perhaps seeing the ones specific to that area?
Birth Certificate, social security number, medical records, immunization records, AND that you have your own banking account for direct deposits.
Having all your paperwork, ESPECIALLY your social security, means less chance of identity fraud.
1.) the worst REALISTIC scenario
2.) the middle of the road bad scenario
3.) the best REALISTIC scenario
Once you wrap your head around a few possible outcomes, it makes it easier to think rationally about emotionally charged problems
2) Documents are so important. If able, leave copies of important documents with your most trusted confidant
3) print out a tangible list of resource near you
https://www.freestate-justice.org/
Set up online money accounts. Venmo, cashapp, etc.
Ask for donations on all social media. Get your story out there, network.
Definitely apply for any and all jobs if you can, or disability if you can’t.
The most important thing is making friends who will house you until you get on your feet, especially if this is a thing that will happen soon.
Libraries are your friends.
https://schoolhouseconnection.org/article/financial-aid-for-youth-who-are-homeless-or-at-risk-of-homelessness-and-on-their-own
Also look into federal SSDI (disability income through the Department of Social Security).
SSDI isn't much, but it's something, and it's better than starving to death.
Shitty call centers was my go to for taking any warm body for a job ASAP.
Memorize the numbers of your local trans support networks.
Find a way to keep/get a new cell phone.
Figure out wifi access locally.
Fundraise online.
Talk to local human services asap for housing assist.
https://dfstrianglenc.org/
- usually they have connections to other programs that can assist with other needs like food and housing or even gender affirming care.