A neighbor lady keeps trying this with my other neighbor and we all had to collectively shout her down at the last gathering. They will never understand (and yes, she’s diehard maga)
As somebody who (before kids) liked to rearrange the furniture periodically just to make things feel fresh I can support this if you promise to take the mercator map also.
Haha! We’ve been in the dark since at least the 1800’s when abolitionist logical arguments gained traction. We’ve chosen to remain frozen especially in the southern & rural areas where interactions w reality are filtered through conservative media. My local tv broadcast reads the Bible after news.
These people presumably are at least a subset of the people who will touch a pregnant person's belly without asking. Personally, I think the request itself is inappropriate.
I once had a coworker who was a belly toucher, and tried multiple times when I was pregnant to touch mine without permission. It finally stopped when she snuck up behind me when I was at the copy machine and, startled, I elbowed her hard in the stomach 😂
I know it isn't why you post these things but I really am grateful for these threads. I'm a white healthcare provider and our classes on cultural competence were wildly off the mark. I've learned so much more in these spaces. I now always ask before I move a black patient's hair for my stethoscope.
Not that I would touch any random person's hair in general because that's weird but it does cause me to be more mindful in how I act in the clinical setting.
Speaking as a ww, it's bullshit, and it absolutely is a race thing, because it doesn't happen to me. I know it's futile, but I'm sorry this bullshit is happening to you.
gwen: the audacity of some people never fails to amaze me. they seem to think asking if they're allowed to be weird and annoying and objectifying makes everything ok
At least they ask you. I change my hair often, and sometimes I have had them (and even other POC) reach up to touch my hair as if they are entitled to do. Umm rando, if you don't get outta my personal space.
There's this woman I used to work with who would come up and rub my hair out of nowhere when I had waves of curls in. I had to refrain from giving the reaction I wanted and remind her that she wouldn't like it if I just went up to her and started doing the same when she had her hair done.
Who wants to touch anyone's hair?! I'm not diminishing, I'm sorry. I know this is a very real thing. I don't want to touch ANYONE'S hair. Wtf, yt people. Why do we do this.
My Black daughter told a woman who touched her hair to ‘fucken off’ when she was 3. I also (white) intervened quite frequently and the white women didn’t get it until I reached out and touched their hair. It’s like they view Black people as threats or pets, nothing in between
FFS what the actual hell is wrong with people. It’s absolutely bananas you have to deal with this and the 8 million other ridiculous things you have to deal with on a regular basis.
I’ve tried and I just can’t put myself into the headspace of someone who would do that. I mean, I understand the creepy oppressive cultural forces at work but it’s SO GODDAMN WEIRD??
So I'm white but...but...my nys sexual harassment training taught me NOT to touch other folks hair, be they black, white, pink, yellow, caramel or jaundiced...male, female or non binary....
...except. .....
Thats great, but please also dont do that "black, white, red, pink, blue, yellow etc" thing when youre talking about poc, bc it sounds a lot like that "i dont see color uwu" which im not saying thats how you must mean it either, but its still a dismissive thing to say
“Don't touch my hair
When it's the feelings I wear Don't touch my soul When it's the rhythm I know Don't touch my crown They say the vision I've found Don't touch what's there They don't understand
What it means to me
Where we chose to go
Where we've been to know.” - Solange
I mean it might be a nervousness thing, i (turkmen) also have curly hair and i play with it a lot, but it isnt because im thinking OmG My HaIr Is GoRgEoUs EvErYoNe LoOk At Me, honestly please dont lol im very self conscious 😳
I have hit a person for spraying paint in my boring ass blonde hair before and I'll happily do it again. And *my hair is not suspect to racist bullshit*
So what do they think???
Fuck if I know. I'm as white as Casper the Ghost and the thought of doing this gives me the creeps. Not the thought of having it done to me (which I would also hate), but the thought of actually doing it myself. I would *NEVER*. I would creep me out to put my hands on someone like that. Just WTF.
I had plenty of people touch my hair and recoil when they felt the hair grease and try to wipe it off on my clothes. Like mother fucker nobody told you to touch my damn hair so you figure that shit out yourself!
As a old white boomer I never considered asking this. I can't imagine why anyone would ask that. I'm under no illusions that young pretty black girls would ever be interested in me touching them in any way. If any ever were I would want them to pinch me to be sure I was awake.
There are two types of people. Those who know and respect boundaries and those who don’t and get shirty when you point out they have crossed the (very obvious) line. The second lot are shitty people who think only of themselves .
not the same, but my daughter and I have curly hair with different curl types. I’ve never had a Black person ask to touch our hair but the amount of white women is ridiculous
I didn't mind it so much when I was younger a lot of people (especially cute girls) were genuinely curious in the very white British city I grew up in it was the weirdos who tried to prove it was a wig by trying to pull it off that sucked
I have to suppress the urge to ask women if they’ve ever had someone touch their hair or ask to, because I’m still dumbfounded that this is a problem. I mean, seriously do us white people have some sort of latent virus that kicks in and makes us do shit like this? I know it’s just supremacy.
the only way is retaliation - ask them weirdly intense questions about how to tell if someone is a Selkie and then sniff them and go "anyone else smell... kelp???" and then launch into a monologue about fairies and leprechauns before abruptly pivoting to Riverdance and the IRA
Oh god, yeah must be even worse there!! I don’t understand it, just compliment and move on! Why tf are you asking???
“Is that a natural tan or do you use like…bronzer? I have a friend from college who goes to tanning salons, have you heard of that?? Such a rich, dark color 😍”
They literally don’t care at all because the same person will ask me the same question like 3 times. And then when they do the “woooooooooow omg no way” like bitch I’ve told you this already WHY 😫
People used to say, “Well, at least you don’t have to use fake tan,” like not needing fake tan somehow makes up for the “downside” of being Black in their minds. What do you mean, at least? You just told on yourself.
I’m white. My sister in law is black, Tanzanian. I think her skin color is positively gorgeous. She is too, inside & out. They live in Tanzania where she is well appreciated. Living here is too hard for them both. Racism fills history & spills over into today. Not my kids! Not their kids!
Frankly, I do not believe these questions are really questions, but a strange desire to have you reveal some kind of mysterious, unfamiliar beauty secret so they can justify your "otherness" in their head.
I think you’re onto something because curiosity is one thing but like, what exactly are you curious about?? The length, thickness, and texture of my natural hair, or…??
They are not curious - its cultural safari, the black girl hair edition. They'll use it to drop perfunctory tidbits about "black girl braids" at their next The Settlers of Catan game night 🫠
A gal with locks came up to me, asked me where I had done mine. Told her they were all just mine, not done nowhere. So she started to argue in disbelief. I asked "Can I pull yours?" She walked off. I would probably have ripped her extensions if I had.
Non black brains are broken because I do sometimes see natural hair and have this urge to compliment it and then remind myself to shut my goddamned mouth. I would commit seppuku before ever asking to touch natural hair tho wtf is wrong w ppl.
Comments
Sorry Miriam.
Monsters. All of them. Seriously.
One rando argued with me when I said I wasn’t, then argued with my coworker. Why?
Now, I give no f*cks. Ask inappropriate questions or touch my body and I will traumatize the f*ck out of you.
1) my hair is nearly waist-length, unusually long for someone presenting as male
2) the person who asked was a young Black man, and i'm pretty sure he was being deliberately ironic
(fwiw i responded "sure, why not...")
Those two month old accounts are such a fucking terrible flag, every time.
i mean who (i know who) but still, who does that?
Also, the sheer number of times I've dealt with white folks so overly fascinated with my hair beyond any bounds of comfort.... Whew.
🙁
...except. .....
When it's the feelings I wear Don't touch my soul When it's the rhythm I know Don't touch my crown They say the vision I've found Don't touch what's there They don't understand
What it means to me
Where we chose to go
Where we've been to know.” - Solange
Teenager. Hair was red and very curly.
She kept messing with it.
Perhaps she had lice.
It was icky.
I think her 40-ish male companion might be a human trafficker. There was no mother-ish companion.
I got the icks continually.
It was a harpsichord concert.
So what do they think???
I’m feeling like a feral little ferret w nothing but claws
can’t imagine how much more when there’s a “you don’t look like me can I pet you” vibe 🤮
“Is that a natural tan or do you use like…bronzer? I have a friend from college who goes to tanning salons, have you heard of that?? Such a rich, dark color 😍”
Hey, I didn't mention race because I don't think that's any issue to me. But since I was asked..
¯\_(ツ)_/¯