the venn diagram between people upset at their millennial children for not giving them grandkids and people who have consistently voted over the past 30 years to make the world increasingly inhospitable is so dangerously close to a circle
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My daughter & her husband don't want kids. Several couples they know feel the same way. Childcare expenses are the main reason, and the fact that the world these kids would inherit would be a wretched place to live.
i told my kids that i am now sorry i have doomed them by letting live in a world that is being destroyed. they suggested they probably would be dead before the end times
Everyone in this piece is so woe-is-me...Volunteer, get involved in your community, etc. There is nothing stopping you from being involved in a child's life, even if they're not related to you. Sometimes that's even more special—to be loved by someone who has no blood obligation to love you.
(I'm so sorry I'm just passing through and I know this isn't the point but the way you said 'currently' grandparentless tickled me.. like it's a state of being that could change any time, or you're in the market for a new one but are having trouble finding just what you're after.)
I'm just 40 and it sometimes feels like I've become an extra dad to the members of a campus gaming club I've helped run for soon 15 years, now that many of the members are half my age.
nailed it, in a culture of rugged individualism, we have taught people that caring for others that aren’t “yours” (uh oh) is less valuable for some reason
i hate to be like “One family the human family!!! spaceship earth!!!” but goofy as it was it sorta had some rhetorical value for people
Adopt a shelter pet, too. Become a Big Brother or Big Sister. Become a foster parent (call it grandparent if that sells the idea to you). Lots of things to do
One of the church Ladies had one son who had died some years earlier. She watched us sometimes. So we declared her an extra grandma (Mom checked with her that it was ok).
I'm in a shit mortgage rate due to timing, I begged for a decade for housing help from my parents who had the means, they never helped, until rates were at 6.2, and then helped, so I'm sinking, and ask hey maybe cover this and I'll pay you directly, and he said no, they want to go on more vacations.
They did stop talking about possible kids after I told them I couldn't afford life going forward in 2018, but now they don't talk to me about anything and just post vacation photos.
Also when you have a child and that child is neurodivergent or has health issues or is some way not what they were expecting these sort of grandparents often lose interest very quickly. Ask me how I know.
Also as an aside, I’ve seen time and time again that when friends have babies these parents so desperate for grandkids are barely even around. Once the novelty wears off they go back to their usual life. Friends have had parents promise so much support and have been left to it alone.
Millennial here and for a long time my wife and I didn't have kids. Know who never pressured me about it? My mom. I should give her more credit about that.
We now have one child and my mom is ecstatic about it.
Before the election, my daughter decided that she didn’t want children and had a BTL. I’m OK with it, given the state of our country and I’d much rather have an alive daughter than a dead daughter and dead grandchild. Pregnancy is going to be so much more dangerous everywhere,soon.
so many of us are working two or three jobs that don't offer paid maternity leave or indeed much unpaid maternity leave. giving birth is prohibitively expensive, people go into debt for it. childcare is unaffordable. its so obvious, how can they not see it
Jokes on them bc my wife and I were planning on 2 but with the insane abortion laws where we live we're just gonna wait and enjoy our lives. Maybe have 1 eventually if we move or the laws change
My Kid says they will never have kids (and have good reasons) so I'm never gonna be a grandparent for real, but you better bet I'll be bringing that grandpa energy to the world regardless!
"Back in the day, before weed was legal, you'd pay some guy you met through a pizza delivery guy $40 for an eight of the shittiest closet-grown weed you've ever smoked. Maybe 2% THC, max, but we'd get sooooo fucked up. Ah, simpler times."
I didn't smoke more than once or twice before it was semi-legal, but before then I signed up with sketchy places that did "medical" weed. 100% my fave place was operated by a pair of senior heads who would come out from behind the counter to give me a hug when I came in. Love that era.
I only ever had to deal with one place that was REALLY sketch, and that place was raided like "right after" I bought a sack of weed from it. I'll say this, it was better when you could actually smell the weed and and examine the buds.
Cannot imagine putting pressure on the kids. They’re grown up, get your own damn life & let them lead theirs. You’re far more likely to keep them in your life if you respect their independence.
As an Aro/Ace who grew up non-Mormon in Utah, you have my deepest sympathies. I'm still dealing with the brain weasels from that. I hope you can find some peace without burning all your bridges ... (Unless you want to dance in the flames, of course!)
I'm one of those parents who will probably never be a grandmother (although I haven't voted to make the world worse) and I realize that it's not all about me. 🤷🏻♀️
I’m a grandparent and work with a lot of millennials and GenZ. Pretty much everyone who has children rely heavily on the help of grandparents because daycare and everything else is so expensive. If they’re rending their garments because they want to be ornamental grandparent, that’s on them.
The dumbest part about this is that a lot of these whining complaining Boomers aren't even complaining about their kids refusing to make grandkids, but it is because their kids didn't have babies as young adults and were planning children when they were financially stable and had homes and partners.
The fact is a lot of these Boomers are a part of the conservative white Christian traditional family values thinking, where they expect people to hook up and get married as young adults and begin popping out babies ASAP. Its the reason they whine at the thought of people having kids at the age of 40
I’m 68 years old with a 43 year old daughter who will never have children. I work as a nanny to 2 adorable girls, ages 9 & 3. It’s all the joy of grandparenthood + a paycheck!
My mom has essentially adopted my cousin just because she got married and just had a kid. All she does is send me pictures of babies telling me how much she loves taking care of them. Like, ok have fun with that then. I will continue being a Men Liker
These people are so incredibly selfish. Imagine your whole existence revolving around whether your children reproduce. Such shallow and self-centered subhumans.
As a young adult I mentioned that I was uninterested in having kids. My Dad blew up at me and called me selfish.
I did eventually have a (wanted) child who grew up, transitioned, and now I’ll probably never be a Grandma.
I really don't want kids. But I would happily be surrogate/adoptive grandad to kids. No worthers originals though. You get sports biscuits or hobnobs instead.
Can't access the article but after years of pressure from my mother and my mother in law I told my daughter it is entirely her choice. I'd never dream of doing the same to her.
We currently have a beautiful grandkit. And all, including the grandkit apart from nail clipping time, are content.
My son died in 2018 but I knew for 10 years before that he didn’t ever want kids. That’s fine and was ALWAYS fine. His life, not mine. WTF is WRONG with people?
Love the kids you have. Not the grandkids you imagine.
I legitimately do want children as a white christian cis guy but I legit am worried about doing so because prices to raise kids are too high and I would not want to either raise a daughter in a society that says “your body, my choice” or raise a son whose role model may be Tate, Trump, or Musk
If they’d done a better job with their offspring, maybe they wouldn’t be so bad at understanding why being childfree is the state so many are choosing.
Their children aren’t obligated to reproduce. If they want grandkids that bad, they have options. They can volunteer with their city or county or local library. Some places have grandparent storytime and foster grandparent programs.
a lifetime of utter abdication of any responsibility for their actions and disregard for the future, but somehow we younger folks are the bad guys? lol, lmao even
I will never stop sharing this story- I sat a couple years ago at a church during the coffee and snacks time before service and listened to this couple I knew talking to others their age. They were older and had 1 adult daughter.
Abortion bans are the reason my sister may never get grandkids.
My niece was so happy when she got pregnant, but she miscarried and needed a D&C just before Dobbs. Now she's afraid to try again, because our right-wing shithole state decided she should be at the brink of death if it happened again.
The adult daughter was now married, had been for a few years, and she and her husband were purposefully child free.
The parents commented on Florida's (then upcoming) abortion ban. They said, if it passed then they would finally get the grandkids they wanted.
You know, in the decade I knew them, I can't recall daughter or husband ever visiting? They would always drive up "well, thet are too busy with work". So daughter seemed to be creating distance. (She only lived about 3 hours away.)
The other adults their age nodded in agreement. No one was horrified by the idea of using abortion bans to intentionally force their kids into having kids.
When I asked, no, they had no desire to contribute financially or otherwise to grandkids.
Why would they? They raised their kids.
I read something on FB around the time of the election where someone was supporting an abortion ban because they "don't want MY daughter to kill MY grandbabies." (Emphasis mine.) It was all about that person's wants - the daughter and theoretical grandchildren were just property. 😡
What terrible people. I didn’t have the Christian issue but most Indian women who are married have kids. We weren’t financially ready & later decided against it. My brother had twins & my parents didn’t pressure me but their friends ask them all the time. They don’t get that it’s a choice.
That is so sick and wrong. I wish their daughter heard them say that and vowed that if she ever did become pregnant, they wouldn't get a relationship with the child.
I don't intend to have kids either, but I can tell you if I did - I would keep ny children away from toxic relatives.
Well when the church as a denomination split recently into those who accept others and those who are racists and bigots, I can assure you that you would be right in your guess of where they went.
there's a very particular New Zealand manifestation of this where people move to Australia to start families because the cost of housing/living is actually manageable, and we're starting to see the editorials pouring in about how cruel the parents are to keep the grandkids at arm's length
I knew, when I was, like, 15, that I never wanted kids. Out of my 3 sisters, 2 have kids. That’s good enough. But I never recall any of my parents pressuring us into it. Frankly, my father and step mother were just too self-centered to imagine anyone else getting attention.
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And I rather like that.
i hate to be like “One family the human family!!! spaceship earth!!!” but goofy as it was it sorta had some rhetorical value for people
This is so narcisistic...
am a childless rural crone w/ no shortage of volunteer opportunities.
Also why does it feel like bigotry is involved? 👀
It's not that hard
🤷♂️
We now have one child and my mom is ecstatic about it.
The culture of Bluesky is to be accessible and the site doesn’t suppress posts with links
Many of them have literally zero grasp of how the policies they were happy to vote for have screwed younger people.
They also never saw or acknowledged the helping hands they got, because “I never had help, I did it myself.” Oblivious.
Me: “Pfft. Robots, of course.”
@alt-text.bsky.social
I did eventually have a (wanted) child who grew up, transitioned, and now I’ll probably never be a Grandma.
We currently have a beautiful grandkit. And all, including the grandkit apart from nail clipping time, are content.
Love the kids you have. Not the grandkids you imagine.
https://read.gov/aesop/143.html
NYT getting it miserably wrong again.
I'm a border boomer/xer. Back in the 90s many peers who didn't have kids had lots of verbal pressure from family to do so. But that next jump? Damn.
My niece was so happy when she got pregnant, but she miscarried and needed a D&C just before Dobbs. Now she's afraid to try again, because our right-wing shithole state decided she should be at the brink of death if it happened again.
The parents commented on Florida's (then upcoming) abortion ban. They said, if it passed then they would finally get the grandkids they wanted.
Burn it down. Burn it ALL down.
When I asked, no, they had no desire to contribute financially or otherwise to grandkids.
Why would they? They raised their kids.
No grandchild is missing anything, not having gparents like that.
I don't intend to have kids either, but I can tell you if I did - I would keep ny children away from toxic relatives.