Astarion is like you concentrated 30 years of romance novels and slow burn fanfiction into a single guy. Seductive, dangerous, damaged, dark past, but you can make him better (or worse). He was created in a lab to artificially inflate expectations for heterosexual relationships - ThreadSky

merrittk.com • 446 days ago

Astarion is like you concentrated 30 years of romance novels and slow burn fanfiction into a single guy. Seductive, dangerous, damaged, dark past, but you can make him better (or worse). He was created in a lab to artificially inflate expectations for heterosexual relationships

Reposted from merritt k

This man has ruined a generation of women

Comments

behemous.bsky.social•445 days ago

wait

he's STRAIGHT?!?!?!

giantdancers.bsky.social•445 days ago

Bg3 operates on stardew valley logic, so all romanceable characters' preferences always include the player character.

That being said, Asterion is also open to threesomes, which means he is at least bi/pan

behemous.bsky.social•445 days ago

Good for him.

voraciouself.bsky.social•444 days ago

He’s playersexual. (Bi/pan)

thesix.bsky.social•446 days ago

I promise you it's not just the hets. Dude's ripped right out of your gayest Interview fanfics.

immanentnow.bsky.social•18 days ago

gross

thirtyhelens.bsky.social•446 days ago

Astarion is the romance version of "real life sex is nothing like porn"

merrittk.com•446 days ago

Literally

mishazgreen.bsky.social•446 days ago

I love him as a character but at the same time I have to remind people that just because you can fix the fictional vampire twink does not mean you can fix him too.

thepuglist.bsky.social•446 days ago

He really is the relationship version of fridge logic. “Lmfao you little scamp… but could you imagine? Oh, oh wait that would suck.”

Meanwhile Karlach is a golden retriever in the body of an Amazonian.

pumpkinpal.bsky.social•445 days ago

He disapproved of every single time I was nice to a child so I threw the whole man out

bakeshakenbake.bsky.social•445 days ago

Only reason I didn’t shank him in Act I is because I’m a completionist and I like having the rogue skill bonuses

asscrab.bsky.social•445 days ago

You aren't delusional enough to think you can fix a man. Good for you, get off this trash heap of a site and enjoy your intact mental health.

abinaber.bsky.social•445 days ago

i am none of those things but i CAN sort of do the voice

theoisaway.bsky.social•446 days ago

Why are you excluding the gays :(

zeelala.bsky.social•446 days ago

I don’t even play video games and he’s still a problem for me. I feel like deep down we all love a fuckable fop??

jennegatron.bsky.social•446 days ago

he hated how nice i was and at the tiefling party he was like "i want to have some fun" and i asked "what does that mean?" and he said "sex! i want to have sex! not with you though, ew, can you even imagine????" and i've never laughed so hard at a game in my life.

lunchetime.bsky.social•446 days ago

Maybe it’s because I’m not a woman but I hated this dickbag since the first time I met him, and only let him into the party for numbers. I regret not kicking him out when he tried to bite me.

stamp.bsky.social•19 days ago

The first time I did a co-op playthrough I sold him out to the hunters without a second thought and my partner was horrified. I was like “wait, everyone doesn’t think this guy fuckin sucks?”

lunchetime.bsky.social•446 days ago

Then again I will basically forgive everything about Shadowheart and make excuses for her, so maybe I can’t judge anyone else’s tastes.

lawman0.bsky.social•445 days ago

Let's be fair here the game basically stamps. "Oh gosh please fix me, the most perfect adorable faildaughter." 🥺 under her awful bangs.

lawman0.bsky.social•445 days ago

I resisted that urge until I was able to mansplain her own memories to her and she didn't slap me for it for some reason.
Then it was basically "ok this is obviously the default romance, fuck it lets go."

lunchetime.bsky.social•445 days ago

Hey. Take back what you said about her bangs. Also she’s perfect and doesn’t need fixing.

lawman0.bsky.social•445 days ago

Someone pointed out she looks like a Romulan and I can't get that out of my head now.

asscrab.bsky.social•445 days ago

Wyll's over in the corner desperately trying to get your attention.

"I have daddy issues, you know."

lawman0.bsky.social•445 days ago

Wyll is super funny because I'm doing a honor mode run of him and honestly he actually kicks ass a PC. Like it removes alot of his corny shit and he looks pretty badass with the horns when they do cutscenes.

nurseboystanley.bsky.social•446 days ago

All that energy invested in The Twilight series had to go somewhere.

alexjaffe.bsky.social•446 days ago

This is your thing about dudes being solely attracted to anime babes again but the other way isn’t it

artbrovera.bsky.social•446 days ago

Finally, Ramona Flowers for women

radiofreezerg.bsky.social•446 days ago

My wife and i are both many playthroughs deep and the difference between her endgame Astarions (bookish boi who is trying to Make Himself Better) and mine (Vampire Ascendant POS) is shocking.

Her version makes her happy, but mine gets 1d6 necrotic added to his bite, so who can say which is right?

merrittk.com•446 days ago

I let him ascend and became his Dark Consort, 10/10 would enable again

tachigamirising.bsky.social•446 days ago

he is the extremely potent mix of insatiably goofy and a brilliant, morally interesting dandy and we will get worse together (when i eventually get a copy of BG3)

realmegg.lol•446 days ago

and then they gave him stewie griffins voice

cburke.bsky.social•446 days ago

I kept him in my good aligned party because it's fun to have a guy stand in the back and occasionally suggest the most heinous course of action.

With the added epilog, it heavily implies that we will inevitably have to fight over the city we saved together, which is great drama.

oldlights.bsky.social•446 days ago

Hang on, I thought he was made to make me doubt my sexuality.

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