Advice from people who don’t understand depression to people suffering from depression is always the equivalent of saying “just jump more” to someone with bad knees
I think it's reasonable for me to slap anyone who tells me "have you tried setting alarm clocks" "have you tried keeping a planner" "have you tried breaking it up into smaller tasks"
He was just diagnosed. I thought he was mildly autistic when he was 6mth old because of his sensory issues - could not stand the feel of the grass and major food texture issues. My sister noticed issues but had a hell of time getting any to eval him when he was young.
Yup. My sister is Gen -X and had her only child late in life. She despises her FIL's science denier, anti-vaxer, anti doctors, pro holistic medicine, and racist AF GF for many reasons. Her husband asks her to "get along" with her because he loves his dad. I am like screw that.
The ‘refrigerator mom’ thing was started by Leo Kanner, who, to be fair, was more nuanced - making observations but not asserting cause/effect. Then an evil prick named Bruno Bettelheim quadrupled down, book after book, and it became accepted w/o real evidence.
I literally just did a mental health & neurodivergence assessment and what I got was "Your issues will go away if you get more sleep, consume less caffeine, and get a really good calendar." 🤷♀️
Best I can manage (with medication and therapy and loving friends and adorable cats) is a state I like to call "operative panic". When anxiety hits, it hits. It's like having to go to the bathroom, except you can actually take care of having to go to the bathroom.
Yes, I know that the conversation around physical/visible disabilities is also NOT GREAT. That said. I still note that "disabled" brings specific images to most nondisabled people's minds. Usually about BODIES, not about the IMPACT of condition(s) & need for ACCOMMODATIONS in environment(s).
Had a boss scold me because NINE YEARS prior she gave me a panic attack and although I was relatively controlled, she could see I was upset and it scarred her for life. 🙄 I told her “I’m sorry that my panic attack lacked elegance, but that’s why they call anxiety a disability!”
I don’t understand why people think this. Lack of a good education is part of this problem in my opinion. I’m faced with the same problem. Whether I tell them upfront about my issues, or not . It doesn’t apparently matter.
It must be something ingrained in us early on. I coached developmentally disabled youth sports for 20+ years and still found myself sometimes wanting to tell some of my players to ‘just stop’ what was compulsive behavior.
It makes it truly horrible on disabled kids who can mainstream in school.😞
Willpower is nothing compared to the Almighty intent!!! If you really wanted to do the thing minor distractions like disabilities or the laws of physics would stand in your way!!! And since you are not doing the thing, you secretly don't want to out of spite or malice. /s
The ones that piss me off most are when they appear to get that this is obviously not the case most of the time but then will be like “well, sometimes you just actually HAVE to [insert thing I have an impaired ability to do].” As tho it’s serious now and they were just being indulgent before
They attribute it to weak willpower and not to the fierceness of our anxiety/depression/executive dysfunction/inability to focus/etc which would cause them to curl up in a ball and weep if they were ever to experience it.
It’s even better when your parents suffer from the same but keep you in the dark because “they don’t want you to worry”. No mom, I’d like to have been prepared though
Definitely. "I have wiggilwomp disorder also; have you tried a teaspoon of peanut butter in the morning? It works for me about half the time!" is fine. "Oh, my naturopath says wiggliwompy is fake, and have you tried going to bed on time?" is not.
Late diagnosis for ASD/ADHD meant I’d spent my entire life trying to turn up the willpower and failing, rinse repeat, and developing mental illnesses which I also couldn’t overcome with willpower, so rinse & repeat…
Wait...are you telling me that there are people that actually think this way? That we can just somehow magically use "willpower" ta make our mental illness go away? What does that even LOOK like??? 0.o
unfortunately yes 😔 not mental illness but i went in to see a specialist for my knees to see why they buckle under me
and he literally told me "you're still really young, i think you just need to try harder and walk even more"
like that's the thing i CAN'T do bc i fall!!! oy,,
Technically I can, I just have to schedule a 24 Anxiety Attack for the next day and cancel plans for things like watching TV, reading and occasionally making something to eat in favour of staring at a wall and sleeping before literally puking my anxiety away
As someone who has turned all of the dials up trying to find the right one, can confirm. I don't think people realize how much thought we put into just policing ourselves and our issues. Then people exacerbate things by repeating our own fears outloud.
God forbid u try to explain to them that the willpower dial IS turned all the way up and that’s what’s been allowing you to appear as functional/high-performing/whatever as they are w/o theirs all the way up
And even if you could willpower your way through these things, there's a reason the willpower dial doesnt sit at 100% by default. Stuff starts to break really quickly if you leave the dial there.
Me, ASD, homebound from likely ME/CFS since *2001*, and now struggling with uncontrolled severe ulcerative colitis
I got sick at the age of 14 and never had a chance, but yes, yoga and exercise will totally help when all my willpower is going into *not* k*lling myself
I feel seen, with invisible illnesses, chronic pain, and PTSD. Even worse, when doctors or family imply, you can think your way out of autoimmune diseases and MH issues.
Suggest to those who don’t understand “chronic pain” they consider undergoing their next surgery without analgesic. Chronic pain is unrelenting. The lucky will never understand: I am left feeling like I’m talking to a wall…
One judge who oversaw my ex’s second attempt to access permanent disability benefits (due to both physical limitations and mental health issues), when informed of her severe agoraphobia, told her that was an easy one to overcome.
“Just go outside.” 🫤 Took 5 years and 4 tries to finally get approval
"You are so smart. All you have to do is set your mind to a task and do it. If you're determined to do it, every task will be easy for you." Blah blah blah blah blah.
Comments
whoever designed this brain ignored a lot of regulations
"How you tried..."
-any diet/dietary change
-essential oils
-weight loss
-exercise
"It is a matter of willpower"
It was a lot worse when our son was diagnosed. Autism still carried a strong “bad parenting” stigma back then.
All w/o real evidence, just a quack pushing the theor for money and fame.
Kanner at least later apologized…
Willpower can (also) help you walk on a misshapen leg, but it (still) doesn't solve anything!
“….blah-blah, positive mental outlook”
are among my favorites
It makes it truly horrible on disabled kids who can mainstream in school.😞
Since mine is inattentive, the anxiety is drowned by the hyperfocus on whatever attracts me then and there.
Otherwise, the same.
"just pay attention"
"just stop putting things off"
"just focus on the positives"
"just stop being an inconvenience to me"
and he literally told me "you're still really young, i think you just need to try harder and walk even more"
like that's the thing i CAN'T do bc i fall!!! oy,,
basically 20 yo me's live reaction to the situation
Me, “If it wasn’t for the meds, so would you and many others …”
Does it turn on the attic light? An outlet? The power grid in Vladivostok? IDK
I got sick at the age of 14 and never had a chance, but yes, yoga and exercise will totally help when all my willpower is going into *not* k*lling myself
“Just go outside.” 🫤 Took 5 years and 4 tries to finally get approval
Yeah, right, a job where he is alone and listening for bumps in the night.
Absurd