arcane-dendroglyph.bsky.social
Wrangler of angry pixies. Suffering from destinesia. Used computers and internet for 20 years, but treated 'social media' like a read-only device with an infectious disease.
29 posts
33 followers
45 following
Getting Started
Active Commenter
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Wow...I almost almost believed this one and groaned in exasperation. Gold Star, Onion.
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Personally, I've taken to thinking "Take THAT, Roko's Basilisk" every time I delete something.
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Go on….
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Does JD Dunce know that military general and attorney general are different things?
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Now make it come out of his mouth.
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Far too expensive for lavatory paper, so no thanks.
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Now push it EVEN FURTHER.
What are the real limitations? Does my perception or internal beliefs affect the curse?
Could I, through self-conviction and reasoning (and quantum-entangled air molecules), connect my bunghole through hyperspace to the lungs of all the oligarchs on Earth?
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And they'd pay, too. Especially after the first time.
Nobody would dare shoot me down, either; because sometimes dying people evacuate their bowels, and nobody wants to find out what that means in my case.
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If things don't go so well, I could always turn supervillain.
I'd have a lair on a mountaintop shaped like a skull toilet.
I'd have a private jet with a toilet that emptied straight out the bottom.
Nations would pay me to never fly over their country.
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If space colonization is your thing, get my ass up there. Poop is 75% water, and the rest is organic matter that would be very useful. Hollow out an asteroid and pay me to visit.
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Garbage in, garbage out? Eat bran flakes mixed with gold flakes, drop a mint. Get safe capsules made of rare-earth elements or similar. The most disgusting IRL item duplication mechanic ever, as long as it can be extruded.
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That billion dollars would only be the first.
I would proceed to go completely Harry James Evans-Verres Potter all over that.
That first billion - and it's likely to only be the first - would go to research.
Creating mass from nothing? Study the hell out of that.
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If the first and third are true, and the second false, I would immediately accept.
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I would have some questions, prior to accepting.
Is the composition of output based on the composition of my input?
Is the mass of my output limited by the mass of my intake?
Does it scale based on volume of receptacle?
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Give people time to adjust. Back on the #Xpletive everyone has migrated from, this post would be...well, not sarcasm, but also not something presented in good faith.
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As long as you’re not the god seen over on oglaf.com that smote an army when someone peeled a banana incorrectly.
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Thoust ought devour a satchel of Richards.
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Do a completely over-the-top Fu Manchu beard
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I’m more willing to believe that God is on Bluesky than in the existence of a millionaire willing to give money away.
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I remember a (iirc) Japanese study showing that wearing underwear could attenuate the spread of infectious disease transmitted via flatulence. I mostly remember thinking they must have had an overabundance of volunteers.
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Star Wars is dead to me, but this made me smile.
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Seems legit.
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Huh, suddenly my beer tastes of schadenfreude
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Limit the FX budget to what Zombeavers had and I’m in.