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fritterfatboy.bsky.social
20 posts 67 followers 175 following
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Posts 44 Comments 6

i have a migraine -italian farmer

submitted 8 days ago • 25 comments

[restaurant] waiter: would you like water? me: yes please waiter: still? me: I literally just said yes

submitted 10 days ago • 44 comments

Still punk as fuck, I murmur as I download a new weather app

submitted 15 days ago • 18 comments

Dear Manager, 1. I drank a whiskey drink. 2. I drank a vodka drink. 3. I drank a lager drink. 4. I drank a cider drink. 5. I sang the songs that remind me of the good times; I sang the songs that remind me of the better times.

submitted 14 days ago • 451 comments

So patronizing when the dentist patiently explains how to floss. I'm not a baby who doesn't know how to do basic things. I'm a baby who doesn't wanna

submitted 15 days ago • 357 comments

It’s like my grandma always said, “Stop giving reposts to people who only give you likes.”

submitted 16 days ago • 11 comments

me: *holds up drawing* is this the guy? witness: that looks nothing like him me: *furiously shaking Etch-a-Sketch* YOU DO IT THEN

submitted 17 days ago • 15 comments

when gwen stefani said “this shit is bananas” my first thought was “hold up. how do you spell that”

submitted 17 days ago • 6 comments

My family crest has a toaster hanging precariously over a bathtub

submitted 18 days ago • 5 comments

i got a cheese omelette, home fries, and a subpoena

submitted 21 days ago • 24 comments

Sometimes I think of how dumb I was as a child and how dumb I am now and I marvel in the continuity of it.

submitted 25 days ago • 1 comment

Nobody: These fuckn eyelashes: lemme fall in this nigga eyeball

submitted 25 days ago • 3 comments

Working from home is more common. Alcohol sales are up. Work emails make less sense. Totally unrelated facts

submitted 25 days ago • 0 comments

I miss working with mediocre developers, every design review was like an episode of Nailed It

submitted 26 days ago • 6 comments

tell me without telling me that she has to finish herself off after you fall asleep

submitted 26 days ago • 83 comments

All I'm saying is my wife would've dragged Jolene by the hair and made a fine ginger paste out of her for trying to take her man.

submitted 26 days ago • 0 comments

I’m no expert on these things but if I was on a board of advisors for spies, I don’t think I’d skeet about it

submitted 26 days ago • 0 comments

once again starting over on my life goal to finish an entire tube of chapstick before losing it

submitted 26 days ago • 17 comments

"Come alone" is something criminals say and lonely people do.

submitted 27 days ago • 1 comment

it's not a blow job it's a blow career

submitted 26 days ago • 1 comment

Well, I betcha someone’s feeling pretty darn silly right about now.

submitted 27 days ago • 10 comments

Today, we at Google have a new product: what if you could could ask an app a question? Oh, we do that already? Well, what if we were a little bit worse at it? What if we also sometimes gave you egregiously wrong information? And what if it cost a billion dollars? Still not interested? It's mandatory

submitted 27 days ago • 160 comments

Lobotomy detection button. AKA: the “add comment” button below any news story

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

Forget everything you know. Ignorance is bliss. 9/11? Never met her.

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

Who's the patron saint of functional alcoholism?

submitted 46 days ago • 107 comments

*picking apart a blooming onion* ME: he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me...

submitted 30 days ago • 2 comments

There was a family at Costco that bought a roasted chicken and ate it at the canteen. I didn't know you could do that. The world is full of beauty.

submitted 28 days ago • 127 comments

Uber driver: “Do you mind if I put some music on?” Me: “Not at all.” Uber driver: “Kiss okay?” Me: “Let’s listen to some music first and then see how we feel.”

submitted 28 days ago • 125 comments

Possibly terrifying, possibly good for the environment if literal: Applebees

submitted 29 days ago • 3 comments

They could at least try to make it a little bit realistic

submitted 28 days ago • 7 comments

read “harbinger of things to come” as “hamburger of things to come” and that’s how I realized it’s lunchtime

submitted 28 days ago • 6 comments

Who called it neurospicy when habaneuro was right there?

submitted 28 days ago • 0 comments

Richmond, BC answers the question of, "How many hot pot and Korean BBQ places can one city sustain?" with "Yes."

submitted 29 days ago • 27 comments

“Don’t Kid Yourself” would be a great slogan for a condom manufacturer.

submitted 30 days ago • 10 comments

Do you even know what a rhetorical question is?

submitted 33 days ago • 1 comment

🐕 🎾

submitted 35 days ago • 1 comment

submitted 37 days ago • 13 comments

I could start doing Dry January right now and I’d still fail.

submitted 38 days ago • 3 comments

If someone calls you overweight, don’t listen to them. You’re bigger than that.

submitted 39 days ago • 10 comments

I understand that ChatGPT is down and fortunately this is not a problem for me as I have spent considerable time developing a local language model that I am able to run autonomously, fueled by Coke Zero and snacks

submitted 45 days ago • 305 comments

coworker: you should try my therapist. me: i’ve seen their work. no thanks.

submitted 45 days ago • 11 comments

Just saw a YouTube video where a guy had ‘summer teeth”. You know…some are here, some are there.

submitted 47 days ago • 1 comment

i love when food guidance for pets is stricter than for humans. if you search whether cats can eat sushi, some people say no bc the cat might get parasites. as if I ought not share my lunch, that I am eating, because it's too low quality for the animal that voluntarily drinks my toilet bowl water

submitted 48 days ago • 168 comments

“Have you considered a 3-some with your therapist?” - me, on my only day as a marriage counselor

submitted 48 days ago • 0 comments