reijack.bsky.social
Extremely evil goth gay, Genderquantum, He/She/They, the one your youth pastor warned you about.
52 posts
29 followers
131 following
Regular Contributor
Active Commenter
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I'm glad I'm not the only person who suffers from this problem
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Typhon must be stirring in his sleep again
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The last one probably needs a pallet jack to get it out of the bookshop
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A lot of people condemned Dr. Osborne, but I say it's easy to criticize until you've walked a mile in another man's shoes made out of another man.
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That can be about whatever you want it to be about.
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Tapping the sign.
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You absolute FIEND
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Hail to the king babeyyyyyyyyy
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"HELLO??? IS THIS WHERE THE DOCTOR WHO LIVES?"
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I see someone's already got their mortgage payment for this year squared away
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Ya but there's less algo-slime
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Only if you reeeeeally want to lol
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Just print out the entire Geneva Convention and staple it to the rap sheet, it'll save time
(Helldivers)
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Look at they
On their way
Hooray
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Would you ever do a print of this picture? I would love to have it on my wall
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I used to go there all the time with my dad and this is the sort of thing I would picture in my head all the time while looking at this exact scenery
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I will apply my standard Monster Hunter weapons policy: if it doesn't explode, shoot fire, or make big metal clanky noises then I'm not interested
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This is a state of being I hope to one day attain
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Sweet jesus that was a long thread, but it felt good to post it
#gamedesign I guess
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Ending:
-you pull the Main villain out of the wreckage, you put your pistol to their head, they try to talk you out of it, then they are killed by Girl Companion.
-credits roll, but you can make them roll faster by holding down a button
-it still takes 10 minutes to go through all the credits
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-FINAL BATTLE ZONE which always involves the Main villain fighting you in either a spaceship or giant mechanical thingie
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-destroyed city made mostly of impassable rubble walls, things to vault over, and interminable crawling sequences
-ANCIENT MYSTICAL ALIEN TEMPLE that is mostly smooth black walls with glowing orbs for lighting and laser turrets that can’t be killed, just deactivated
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Environments:
-desert™ with excessive wind SFX and slide guitar/harmonica
-jungle full of bugs that want to kill you, plants that want to kill you, and jumping puzzles that make you want to kill yourself
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-laser/lightning/energy orb gun that is painfully unsatisfying to use, and yet is the only thing you ever seem to get ammo for
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-shotgun that only hits if the target is literally deepthroating the barrel and takes seven (7) whole seconds to reload its 2-shot magazine
-sniper rifle™
-rocket/grenade launcher with ammo that cannot be found and a blast radius that is impossible to be outside of
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Weapons:
-pistol that is the only weapon your character actually has, if the cutscenes are to be believed
-assault rifle/sub-machinegun with the recoil of a jackhammer and the damage of a bubble wand
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-Corporate/dystopian government military who dress entirely in black, deal fucktons of damage to you, and can only be killed by emptying an entire magazine directly into their heads. Voice acting is done by the lead singer of a local thrashcore band screaming into a vocoder.
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-Mutants who are naked people with burned/blistered/glowing/otherwise damaged flesh, voice acting is done by a guy in the office burping into a long tube. Watch out for BIG MUTANT which is just the same texture map as the little ones wrapped around something as big as a convenient nearby skyscraper
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-Local wildlife which is always: a)giant spiders, b)giant worms, c)giant flies, or some combination of the three
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Baddies:
-"Bandits" who are just shirtless men with mohawks, cargo pants, and goggles somewhere on their person. They can also be seen in: cars covered in spikes, gyrocopters covered in spikes, and houses covered in spikes. They will not stop laughing.
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NPCs:
-first area all sound like they were voiced by Mater from Cars
-second area all live in sewers and either sound like they come from Brooklyn or an asbestos mine
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-BIG GUY who dies 2/3rds of the way through and will spend most of that time getting stuck on terrain or low ceilings that his collision model can't fit through
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-AI/robot who might as well be voiced by Microsoft SAM, will make exactly one (1) pop cultural reference that will be dated before the game is released. This will be the most amusing thing they say.
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Companions:
-one (1) girl in tanktop and cargo pants that will spend most of the game acting tough, asking you to help her climb ledges, and then getting killed by the baddie at the end
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Main villain:
-wisecracking dicksneeze with long limbs and really gangly motion-capture, spends most of the game blathering away at you over the radio or loudspeakers