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sirtajgill.bsky.social
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My brain: hey, you’re forgetting something. Me: thanks, what is it? My brain: sorry, that’s all I got.

[restaurant] waiter: would you like water? me: yes please waiter: still? me: I literally just said yes

GLENN: Why don't you wear a suit? You're at the highest level in this country's office & you refuse to wear a suit. A lot of Americans have problems with you not respecting the office. ZELENSKYY: I will wear a costume after this war will finish. Maybe something like yours. Maybe something better.

why stop at carrot cake? here have some asparagus pudding you sick fuck

The downside of not being very talkative is that people tend to think that you’re a listener.

Me pronouncing pineapples like Minneapolis will probably come up in divorce court

The difference between not racist & anti-racist: •White MSNBC anchors publicly defending Joy Ann Reid by condemning her firing = not racist •White MSNBC anchors publicly defending Joy Ann Reid by quitting in solidarity with her = anti-racist Not racist = words Anti-racist = actions Actions > Words

imagine being so chill you name your kid guy

*uses echolocation to find the clit*

I saw this Tony Soprano ice cream bar, and now you have to.

[flirting with the drive thru attendant] mcnugget. is that irish?

democrats won’t admit it, but my family’s economic outlook has gotten a LOT better since Trump took office. but what do i know? i don’t have a fancy economics degree, i’m just a regular guy who runs an airplane scrapyard

Maximilian Pervert Father Of Bride Canada, Ontario, Marriages, 1869-1927

If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it’s another brilliant performance by Daniel Day-Lewis

I save almost $2 per year by continuing to use deodorant sticks after the edges start gouging my armpits

looking back, AOL had it right. 30 hours of internet per month was the right amount.

Wearing crocs to Walmart is like wearing the shirt of the band you’re going to see.

Dressing my kid up like Luigi Mangione today for Supehero Day

Whenever leaving a public bathroom I fold the toilet paper into a fancy triangle to class the joint up

The word phlegm is absolutely stunning, its spelling makes the definition even more disgusting.

Luka donating a half mill to wildfire relief days after landing in Los Angeles is pretty damn cool

Kendrick Lamar has 22 Grammies and a damn Pulitzer if you don’t know who he is that’s a You problem

I appreciate that he just distilled all conspiracies into one single sentiment

*dumps cooler of embalming fluid on funeral director’s head after a tasteful service*

that was as satisfying and comprehensive a beatdown as i could have wanted. only other thing you could've asked for was harrison butker killing himself

BLACK PEOPLE WON TONIGHT. NO, I WILL NOT BE EXPLAINING.

Clay Travis watching the Super Bowl

half time show 2025

It’s time

Saying DEI with the hard R

thank you to Kendrick and the Eagles for making terrible people angry tonight

An American flag built on the backs of Black people... Black music protesting white political terror in registers they never hear; reminiscent of ancestral spirituals embedded with instructions for runaways All this in New Orleans... What a moment

Every time they show Travis Kelce he gets sadder and wetter

At the Deathbed, by Edvard Munch, 1895

Sometimes the TL is good

I do think it’s funny when the car companies are like “we may be divided but now more than ever, I think we can all agree: car ❤️”

before the game

Don't count Drake out tho He could still come back from this Essentially all that happened is a diss track accusing him of pedophilia became the song of the summer and got performed at the Superbowl Dude can fix this Let him cook

Weird how all the people upset by the Kendrick performance are almost all incredibly unsettling guys with a myriad of accusations against them anywayyyyys guess they don’t like rap or something

maga america being forced to watch the kendrick super bowl halftime show

Fox Bleeps Out Entire Kendrick Lamar Performance theonion.com/fox-ble...

Literally the only time in life I will ever wish I had access to a live feed of Drake's face.

People are gonna be like, so where were you when an entire Super Bowl crowd yelled “A minor?”

Drake is gonna need to be deported now there’s no just no other way

Ah man the smile Kendrick gave when he said "say drake, I hear you like 'em young" lmao