theprincipatepost.bsky.social
🚮 "Because it's all fake news now anyway"
📜 Absurdist chronicles of the early post-Republic period
✒️ principatepost.substack.com
✊️ Impudentia | Levitas | Vanitas
75 posts
75 followers
280 following
Regular Contributor
Active Commenter
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Going to have to get a little more satire-y with the satire... Got one in the queue about NATO attacking itself too, but not sure how far-fetched that is, tbh
principatepost.substack.com/p/epa-bans-r...
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Get the man some sugar water already. He's not looking so hot.
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He shot a 68 once. On the 6th at Pebble.
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According to that post they'll be making humans from clay. That shit's gotta pay at least $18/hr and be almost as rewarding as shoveling coal
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Related stories -- Someone Kept Making That Face And It Got Stuck Like That
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Ha! Don't be ridiculos, cousin. Somebody gets it
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"Don't be a Strom, dude" 🤙 I'll help start that trend.
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*WAS Strom, thankfully, and he was just a shit. In 2 hours no one will know who he was anyway. Thank you for your service 🫡
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Thanks bsky for opening my eyes to just how many opportunities there are to miss jokes. I had no idea.
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Cotton needs his guy
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Take two, Sooz, they're small. Also my phone just autocorrected your name to "booze", so the universe ordains it
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Right, next is term limits, then elections, then political rivals and undesirable social elements. Seen this show before. The finale sucked.
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Brange
Bjuice
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"What a jerk" still counts as a fair and balanced ticker if it's in quotes
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It's a strategy. If they keep going like that it'll eventually clear the 9-year backlog to get a new one.
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Yup, it tracks that the "party of nope" would also be anti-having fingers and eyesight and breathing and stuff. PSA: Hide your kids if Lutnick starts going on Fox to socialize a shortage of tiny fingers in the manufacturing labor force
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This guy would like a word before you sign
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Internet person schema: updated. Now I'm going to expect epic bangers like this from every societal net contributor I encounter online and be sorely disappointed
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Sensible driving + Kia crossover ÷ profile pic = does not compute
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Super bummed that as a semi-pro poop joke maker I didn't come up with Turd Reich. Genius copy.
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Keeping a candle lit for the ghost of John Lewis to show up and get arrested with grace 3 times a day, show the youngs how it's done 🕯✊️
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🙋♀️ Car keys and self-respect over here
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🖐 Sorry I'm late, was still washing it out of my mouth
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He said "Canadian-ish," right? Fair enough, though. Must have been Dollarama I was thinking of
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Because they totally continued to hold completely legit midterms in which the opposition had a coherent strategy and honored the results, happily ever after.
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Yep, Timmy's is making hatchbacks now. Only 980 calories and the cup holder comes with a medium coffee already in it.
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That's the second funniest outcome I can think of. First involves polar bears.
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Dr. Zaius? Thought he was retired
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People this dumb should at least have the decency to be funny. Like, trip on a wayward sandbag or something, ffs
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Or Jesus will return as Jim Caviezel because it's the only way he can get a visa these days... Think about it. Think about it 🤔
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I heard he's actually an early AGI sandbox prototype. bsky is working out the joke bugs before they unleash the Jerry singularity on society
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That's actually an accurate probability distribution. Jerry's skeets account for ~25% of bluesky traffic
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Don't tell Elon there's coke in the White House. He'll never leave.
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Starting to feel bad for the bag of hammers that keeps getting compared to this ape