this is a bit of an adjacent point but I do think "small talk" should be thought of as a skill, and something that becomes more enjoyable once you've practiced it a bit; reckon few people just love it from the off, there's got to be some effort at the start but it then becomes genuinely rewarding
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Tressie McMillan Cottom
Going to try a thing.
I do not like small talk.
I believe small talk is important for social cohesion.
Both of those things are true of me and could, maybe, be true of you.
I do not like small talk.
I believe small talk is important for social cohesion.
Both of those things are true of me and could, maybe, be true of you.
Comments
I’m reminded of this exchange between Gutman and Spade in The Maltese Falcon
Started practicing by
Something like that ...
"Coo... bit quiet this morning"
"Blimey. You had a break?"
"Is it going to get mad tonight then?"
"Urgh, you look as tired as I do..."
But it's actually more like 'be yourself and at least you will know that the people who dislike you on first impression would probably have disliked you eventually anyway.'
We are social creatures & an unexpected shared laugh with a stranger (a potential friend?) is what I’m here for.
Happy to be by myself but happiest passing the time with anyone
And we all know that yours are the best too.
And never trust someone who is indifferent about theirs.
Teach
Oh that's cool you must have some great stories. Do you have any kids in your class you can't stand?
Not really
PULLING TEETH. You can tell I've been annoyed about this for like a week and a half now.
How on earth did they think that wd work? It's borderline rude (on their part, not yours.)
I'm reminded of the quotation "so you have no small talk? Can I hear your big talk".
Their honesty, and desire to learn & understand, is a great example.
Either they'll gingerly shift away from you or you've got a great conversation.
Q: how do you tell an extrovert actuary?
A: he stares at your shoes.
The rest of it.
As you can tell, I’m not blessed in the small talk department.
Forces people to give you a bunch of information by default and opens itself up to many obvious follow up questions. Change as audience suits.
Also ‘what do you (like to) do when you’re not [insert context in which you’re meeting eg working, at a wedding, at a friend’s kid’s party]?’ Esp if mildly ridiculous-sounding eg ‘so what do you get up to when you’re not playing in a sandpit with little Tarquinius/Aisha here?’
It's great to see people enthuse about something
Learning that I was considered suave in interviews etc for always being smooth and clever physically hurts because it was 100% unnatural and deliberate and exhausting, not me at all
of all types find interviews unnatural & exhausting, if solidarity helps at all
His opening question was “I hope you don’t mind me asking but how long have you been with your current dentist?”
My big takeaway has been that's it's best to say something - anything - and move forward from there, rather than let the awkward silence grow.
Obviously there are some weirdos who actually enjoy it for its own sake, but the main social benefit is as a space for people to work out if they want to take things further, and if so, how.
But agreed it is a skill and in particular something I think they teach you at private school (or which proximity teaches you)
There’s a hilarious trope on US YouTube about how Europeans don’t say hello when passing in the street.
Because in a lot of America you’ll maybe encounter 1 or 2 strangers in a day.