I keep thinking about this video where an autistic woman explained that neurotypical people ask questions with the aim of eliciting shame (what a fool you are for not knowing that), whereas autistic people ask questions because they are interested in the answers.
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Questions out of curiosity are confusing. So bad faith questions become a way to gain some kind of defence, control or shunning.
Bluesky has a word limit. If you want to write an essay, please feel free to do so on your own.
I’ve heard plenty of ridiculous things stated plainly and sincerely. See th example I gave; they meant it literally and in all circumstances.
Regarding the video:
But autistic people tend to correct or share information just bc they're trying to help and/or find the information interesting
People will often ask questions they do not want answered and then be offended when I respond in good faith, or ask only to mock whatever response I give.
To have the reason why explained so clearly a revelation.
If you don't want a response, don't ask the question, you dingus
and if you do think you know the thing, then to qualify your knowledge (to what extent you know, how you'll act if they ask you to explain what you know, whether you consider it "prized" knowledge)
Conflict resolution between autistics is, comparatively, so much easier.
It's just not a way of solving anything or going forward with something.
People mocking me for things I don't know, instead of explaining? You're out! 💪
But when I ask, "Why are you doing it that way?" I'm wondering why you're doing it that way (sincere). Maybe there's something I can learn from you that I hadn't considered.
Why is standing side-by-side and having a conversation so hard?
I have to consciously remember that my voice sounds flat to people when I speak, and consciously remember that neurotypicals ask questions in bad faith, and consciously remember to try to rephrase it, uptick, or force a smile when I ask things.
It's a lot of work and it's stressful.
NT:
Me: [a question]
Person: [immediately starts defensively answering assumed follow-up questions]
Me: "No, I'm not trying to narc on you, I just want to know [initial question almost verbatim]"