How about a brief distraction from the world today? Time for a good stupid joke thread.
Please feel free to jump on board. The stupider the better.
🧵
Please feel free to jump on board. The stupider the better.
🧵
Comments
"How far ya think I can kick this bucket?"
Bach bach bach!
A can’t opener
Because it was soda pressing!
It was in tents.
One of them is really heavy. The other one is a little lighter.
A dumb snowflake.
Eric
A stick
A small medium at large.
A rebel without a Claus.🎅🏼
“…Nick Jr., is the rebellious, leather-jacket-wearing son of Santa Claus, who wants nothing to do with the family business….”
https://LettersFromSaintNick.com
A twoknee fish. 😜
……………………
For being outstanding in his field!
Humidititties
Spear-mint :)
An irrelephant.
In his sleevies
A: Knock knock?
B: Who’s there?
A: Brittany
B: Brittany who?
A: Knock knock?
B: Who’s there?
A: Oops, I did it again!
When you do, you always suffer grim reaper-cushions.
Bartender, astonished, asks, “Sir, what are you doing??”
Man: just looking around.
Bar Man asks “why have u got a steering wheel down your trousers?”
Man says
“I dunno but it’s driving me nuts”
🤣🤣🤣
The infantry.
...denim denim denim
"I always knew that you were bi, son"
…the warlock had a hollow weenie.
It was the wurst käse scenario.
Wacka wacka.
A: Grass...
A: ... I lied about the wheels.
No idea
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs having a shag?
Still f*****g no idea
(Say it out loud)
2: Come in!
1: What?!
🎶 Somewhere over the rainbow… 🎶
Why's there only bad chemistry jokes?
The good ones Argon
What happens when you eat aluminum?
You sheet metal
Why doesn’t the photon take luggage on his vacation?
He’s travelling light
People say I'm obsessed with chemistry jokes, beryllium not
Fsh.
What do you call a fish with 3 eyes?
Fiiish!
Doug.
Wha is he called when it gets removed?
Douglas.
Take it to a whale weigh station.
Still can't get the fucker off the ground!
If anything it just gets more sluggish.
A chicken came running up yelling 'Don't do it man, you'll never hear the end of it'
A handful.
'Ellifino.
Because it was two-tired! 🤪
Nice belt!
Turns out it's pretty light.
A stick 😂
A wooly jumper
They’re really good at it.
What don't you want to hear right after you've blown Willie Nelson?
'I'm not Willie Nelson.'
They'd crack each other up!
A stick.
Because it was two tired... but don’t worry, it’s back on track now!
Because 7 8 9.
So you wouldn't see it sneak across the pool table!
Because ninesies are too small and elevensies are too big.
Honk Kong
If anything it made him more sluggish.
Maybe it has something to do with inflation 🧐
It said “I’m a big metal fan”
The nurse asks the rabbit, “What is your blood type?”
“I’m probably a type O,” says the rabbit.
I don’t know. What do you ca…
MOO!
"Jeez coach, all we got back in Taumarunui was oranges"
1080p 😂😂
From a well, actually.
Someone else's pants on!
Its like normal Tennis, but without the Racquet
Yeah, it's the 'tops and very Rex-y baby!
And a ban from the local zoo
A stick.
"Him-a-layin over der in tha ditch." 🦨
it was a cat ass trophy
but i won't drop my em dashes
changing my punctuation—that's where i draw the line
A stick!
He didn’t have the guts.
Don’t worry, the injuries are only super fish oil.
Barman asks "would you like a tray with that?"
Fella says "don't you think I've got enough to carry?"
The horse says "No, I dont think I am" and disappears.
You see, the joke is "I think therefor I am"
But if told you that first, I'd be putting Descartes before the horse.
The Avon Lady at the North Pole.
Eileen.
A brick.
"The one from Sesame Street"
"He doesn't count!"
"I assure you he does"
Have you ever tried to iron one?
They don't wear socks because they have bear feet.
—Bob Newhart
You boil the hell out of it.
"Dam."
A stick.
Open fridge, insert elephant, close fridge.
Open fridge, remove elephant, insert whale, close fridge.
What kind of present do you give a lesbian?
Anything. She'll just end up playing with the box.
He managed to get surgery for it, and he's had a much better life since then
He considers himself to be "pretty all right"
DUNGGGGG
Neither; They both eat out.
See you next month
Me: 0mg
Bing sings and Walt Disney.
Cuz he saw the salad dressing.
Put a little boogie in it.
When it’s ajar
Who's there?
Interrupting cow
Interrupt....moo
为什么吸血鬼不吃四川菜？
因为他们只喜欢「不辣的」！😂
Ground beef.
…Apparently, I’m not remotely funny.
The bartender asked, “What’s wrong?”
The möbius strip responded, “Man, where do I even begin?”
…I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus!
From a pod cast.
An exploding sheep.
Prism!
A stinging endorsement!
What do you call a spaghetti in disguise?
An impasta.
"Prison Security", by Barb Dweyer.
"Irish First Aid", by R.U. O'Kaye.
"My Career As a Clown", by Abe Ozo.
"Here's Pus in Your Eye", Lance Boyle.
"My Life on Skid Row", Titus A. Drum.
"I Didn't Do It!", by Ivan Alibi.
You a 🚜
Two muffins are cooking in an oven.
One muffin says to the other, "It's really warm in here."
Other muffin says, "Gyah! A talking muffin!"
A cellfie.
No, have you seen my dad glasses?
With a Pumpkin Patch.
Because they have big noses.
“How do you drive this thing?”
It's by Dean Koontz, Koontz, Koontz, Koontz.
They are both pointless.
It's a 35-minute walk from the pub to my house.
The difference is staggering.
Why the long face?
"Where is the bar tender?"
Because they hate fast food
A snooker table.
Optimist: “The weather is going to be great today.”
Pessimist. “That’s what I’m afraid of.”
So he wouldn't fall in the hot chocolate.
Why is American beer like making love in a canoe?
It’s f…ing close to water
F…ing stupid autocorrect
First post and already f..es up 🤯
Anything you want because it can't hear you
RagnaROCK.
Ivy
What do you call a man hiding in pile of leafs ?
Russell
They got cheddar Swissly!