I think a lot of us who formed relationships through a variety of MUD's & MMO's van relate to how that life felt to everyone else. It's good to know that despite everything, they were able to learn about how their son had touched the lives of so many in his life.
Damn that was sad...
But on the same hand, good on him for finding such a loving group on WOW. Even in passing he'll live on, remembered and loved by many
Link isn't working for me but I know the story, it was the subject of the most powerful episode of Digital Human. Well worth a listen.
After Mats died his parents mourned what they thought was a very lonely and isolated life, until they contacted his online community https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0003jstl
‘Lock In’ by Jon Scalzi is a dramatisation of the social issues that would arise if Ibelins became the empowered embodiments of disempowered people operating under their direction in society. (And Wil Wheaton narrates the excellent audiobook)
It may just be excluded from the article, but I was very surprised that his parents didn't seem to express any regret that they hadn't been any part of that element of his life.
Curious. I can’t say that I had much involvement in my kids’ social lives as a teenager, nor did my parents have much in mine. I’m not sure what involvement you think they should have had?
They literally could have played the game with him sometimes. Or at least talked to him about it. The game is extremely accessible.
If someone said "I watched my kid play football, but it was boring just sitting there", I'm sure you can see some missed opportunities for involvement.
I'm not sure he wanted them to, it sounds like he was keeping his two lives separate and didn't want is online friends to find out about his condition until near the end, if his parents were playing his friends would talk to them and probably find out.
Which bit of the article made you think that he didn't want his parents involved in his gaming?
"We found watching him play to be boring" is some distance from "we'd have loved to experience some of his online activities with him, but he made it clear he didn't want us to".
I was staying with my sister, and had been flicking through a very active social media account I had; I mentioned that I ought to 'get a life'. She immediately told me that I apent a lot of time obviously interacting with people on the other side of the screen, so no. I already HAVE a life!
I found the episode, I had forgotten that John Waters plays the funeral director. The final five minutes are the pertinent part if anybody is interested https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x7ywucm
Someone I was related to died a couple of years ago and I arranged a note to go on his Twitter account, explaining that he was gone. The replies from his tweeps were lovely and even now, some of them mention home and say how much they miss him.
I hope Blizzard puts this kid’s character in the game, or some permanent memorial to him somewhere in Azeroth. I know they’ve done similarly in other rare cases and I hope they find this one worthy of it.
Couldn't get past the paywall, but found the story on the BBC site. Quite touching. It's nice that Mats seem to find happiness in the world he spent so much time in.
I remember my nephew's wedding, he and his future wife had a lot of their WoW guild mates from around Europe attend. The older family members didn't really get it but people do make some great friendships in online games as Mats' sadly short life shows.
These are the sort of stories show why some of my favourite charities aren't just ones that help people with disabilities in normal life and look for cures, but ones that help people play video games like Special Effect and Ablegamers.
Okay, I've stopped crying enough to be coherent now. Wow. I played Everquest 24 yo and had similar exp of making real connections there. A teen 1k miles away didn't suicide after talking w/ me. I made a diff in lives, and vice versa. Even met my hubs of 20 yrs there, but that's a diff story.
After two years of crushing injury/illness/isolation/depression, the first time I heard my daughter laugh out loud in that whole time was because of the friends she'd made in a Minecraft server. Blessings upon them.
This is not the same, but there's an element of being a parent to any nonstandard teenager that involves separation from their interior and online lives that you wonder about, would love to know and share but know you cannot because that would defeat the whole point.
I feel similar: mine is a nonstandard child (as I was and it brought me a lot of grief - later dx autistic) and reading this contrasted with my feeling of guilt that "I gave him this" with at least a bit of hope that he doesn't need to be forced to be like everyone to find his happiness. I hope.
Back in the early 90's, I knew a boy like this via online chatrooms (IRC). He was part of a social group, worldwide community, and I had strong friendships from people in Sweden, USA, UK, Ireland..
When I found one was in UK, about 45 minutes away, I said let's meet. He agreed but.. 1/2
..he told me he was 20, had muscular dystrophy, weighed less than 6 stone, had 24 hr care. He was amazing. Student at Reading uni. So witty. We met, laughed, reinforced our friendship. I helped him to the loo. He couldn't walk so if needed, I gave a piggyback.
Saddest part for me was:
Robert and Trude sometimes sit with him while he plays, but after half an hour they find their attention drifting. “It was boring, just sitting there..."
What a missed opportunity 😞
If you want to poke at that idea a bit more you might look up the trailer to "The Music Never Stopped." I don't know how accurate the movie is to the true Oliver Sacks story, but the movie at least is about a father who doesn't at all understand the only thing that makes his son come alive.
Actually, it was likely a blessing (in disguise). It was his world unobstructed. His parent being involved may have caused a unneeded shadow over his experience. I mean I wince sometimes at my sons online stuff - but aside from safety checks, I stay out of it. I'm not the "digital native" he is.
Maybe, maybe not.
His parents may have found an extra way to engage with their son, one where he wasn't constrained by his disease.
We'll never know, but his parents could've easily been involved without affecting (or even being aware of) his other in-game relationships.
Same. I'm so glad they found out in the end how big of an impact he had on his community, but parents can't know these things about their kids unless they meet them on their level. They understand now, at least, which must be a comfort.
I'm lucky to be a papa to a healthy son.That autistic mom got to me. I can't imagine not physically hugging my boy.I never play multi player online games for various reasons and it's nice to know that not all gamers online are awful. Very eye opening article.
Well. This was a lovely read. Scrolled for only a couple seconds after following a convention photo link and I'm already finding inspiring eulogies of people I've never otherwise heard of.
It’s blocked in my region too (the UK!) unless I either agree to let the Times harvest my personal info and sell it to the highest bidder, or pay their exorbitant “no personalisation” fee. Pretty sure it’s not legal but 🤷🏻♂️
Thank you for sharing this, what an emotional story, I'm a bit of a wreck now...
Does also remind me a bit of some of the young people/kids I've come across through work, where games for them continue to be a lifeline during treatment (be it Fortnite, FIFA, whatever)...
... And it's why I'm so glad these guys were able to help us with donated PlayStations & Switches at our Home from Home, where young people/families stay during treatment. It really does help the kids stay connected with their mates and that's so important!
yeah I'd read a shorter version of it back when it originally happened and I remember it leaving me misty eyed at the time but god the quotes floored me in this one
Smart, loving teen with a progressive disease had a vivid online life im WoW guild that his parents only discovered after his passing when hundreds of condolence emails came in saying what an amazing friend he was.
Comments
But on the same hand, good on him for finding such a loving group on WOW. Even in passing he'll live on, remembered and loved by many
After Mats died his parents mourned what they thought was a very lonely and isolated life, until they contacted his online community
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0003jstl
I did know a couple who met and married through world of Warcraft
If someone said "I watched my kid play football, but it was boring just sitting there", I'm sure you can see some missed opportunities for involvement.
"We found watching him play to be boring" is some distance from "we'd have loved to experience some of his online activities with him, but he made it clear he didn't want us to".
Rest well, Sir Ibelin. You made a difference.
I remember my nephew's wedding, he and his future wife had a lot of their WoW guild mates from around Europe attend. The older family members didn't really get it but people do make some great friendships in online games as Mats' sadly short life shows.
https://m.imdb.com/video/vi542361113/
Thanks for opening a window into online gaming lives
Who knew🤔
When I found one was in UK, about 45 minutes away, I said let's meet. He agreed but.. 1/2
Still think of him. He died age 21.
See:
- https://www.bbc.com/news/disability-47064773
- https://www.reddit.com/r/wow/comments/14xfghg/does_anyone_know_the_backstory_behind_this/
Such a touching read
Really lovely story in the face of such sadness
Robert and Trude sometimes sit with him while he plays, but after half an hour they find their attention drifting. “It was boring, just sitting there..."
What a missed opportunity 😞
His parents may have found an extra way to engage with their son, one where he wasn't constrained by his disease.
We'll never know, but his parents could've easily been involved without affecting (or even being aware of) his other in-game relationships.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/disability-47064773.amp
I feel my son's life online might be similar, and it helps
Does also remind me a bit of some of the young people/kids I've come across through work, where games for them continue to be a lifeline during treatment (be it Fortnite, FIFA, whatever)...
https://getwellgamers.org.uk/#:~:text=Get%20Well%20Gamers%20UK%20is,up%20across%20the%20United%20Kingdom.
Online friends are real friends. ❤️