Many Americans who travel abroad try so hard not to be ugly Americans that they kinda make it weird - ThreadSky

faineg.bsky.social • 8 days ago

Many Americans who travel abroad try so hard not to be ugly Americans that they kinda make it weird

always found it funny that the whole "ugly american" thing has been around long enough that a lot (most?) tourists now overcompensate for it, so the actual american stereotype now is more like "unsettlingly nice"

Comments

yellowstoneten.bsky.social•8 days ago

I went to India a few years ago and had to get used to (among other things) that they've got special lines at some of their tourist attractions for foreign tourists that are *way* shorter. Hard to shake the idea that I was being the ugly American by cutting in line.

faineg.bsky.social•8 days ago

They charge more money for foreigners. That’s why there’s separate lines. I think it all comes out in the wash.

faineg.bsky.social•8 days ago

Like that is absolutely the reason for the separate lines, just FYI (I’ve traveled a lot in India)

yellowstoneten.bsky.social•8 days ago

yep! just feels weird to me to be like "i will throw money at this inconvenience to make it go away" right in front of a bunch of folks who can't

yellowstoneten.bsky.social•8 days ago

even if that's what the rules/policies say I'm supposed to do

faineg.bsky.social•8 days ago

That’s the Indian government making that choice. You are not allowed to use the local line and pay the local price as a foreign tourist.

jhawn.bsky.social•8 days ago

I see folks stareing at maps or phones and if I have time which I usually do I ask in the thickest drawl I have if they need help. When they are Americans it’s more hilarious because they are not expecting to hear that accent in London. 😂

jhawn.bsky.social•8 days ago

But yes most of the American tourists here are excessively polite

rnavarre.bsky.social•8 days ago

The singular reason I would ever begin to consider allowing my partner to join law enforcement up north would be because the hilarious confusion that would occur from a “y’all sure seem like y’all all are in a hurry” coming from someone that looks like an extra in the Departed.

cdpositive.bsky.social•8 days ago

Except today my relatives are reconsidering a European vacation or at least putting Canadian logos on their luggage.

Seriously.

peanut24.bsky.social•8 days ago

We pretend to be Canadian.

mags.colvett.online•8 days ago

Yes and I feel it can be healthy to internalize that, if you’re being nice and normal and someone’s still weird to you on behalf of this (i.e. my specific) country, that can sometimes be both understandable on some levels and fundamentally not about you?

mags.colvett.online•8 days ago

(with the footnote that I have seen this extremely rarely irl and much more frequently online)

runningoutwest.bsky.social•8 days ago

You're certainly more well traveled than me but unfortunately in my (certainly more than avg international travels) experience I don't see it. Is it better than the 80s? I guess. But.. it's embarrassing to be around my fellow Americans a lot of the time in other countries.

runningoutwest.bsky.social•8 days ago

Last year I was in Botswana and our local guide was showing us amazing pictographs and a white lady from Florida asked the guide when it was discovered. My guide to his eternal credit just paused and said that his people have always been there for as long as there have been homo sapiens.

bairdlet.bsky.social•7 days ago

I take offense to this; I don't need to pretend to be unsettling, it just comes naturally

blepbork.bsky.social•8 days ago

I’m abt to go abroad and am already feeling my awkwardness lol.

faineg.bsky.social•8 days ago

I always feel kinda bad for the well meaning Americans who have convinced themselves that they need to spend three years studying a language and reading academic literature before they go to a foreign country - like nah, you really don’t need to do all that, just be nice and normal?

sandy-o.bsky.social•8 days ago

I always carried a language dictionary in case of emergency, but just knowing please, thank you and toilet were usually enough. Please is esp important in countries where you say it when handing a cashier money.

todoscojones.bsky.social•8 days ago

Nice *and* normal?

redletter.bsky.social•8 days ago

learn a few words, not because you need to be fluent to survive or not be hated, but because it gives you a super easy ice breaker with anyone, even if they speak english. Just don't be pushy if anyone is busy, not outgoing, etc.

IME, most people will like the little effort, even if it sucks lol

jctenton.bsky.social•8 days ago

it instantly shows you cared enough to spend a day at it and everyone appreciates that

redletter.bsky.social•8 days ago

the most important thing is that you will not get it right, and everyone will try to help you. Lean into being an idiot! People like someone who laughs at themselves, and who tries even if they can't get it.

Something like thai, in particular, you will *never* get right. Don't sweat it.

ellyzoe.bsky.social•8 days ago

My kids visited the Balkans with husb (who is from there), and one knew a few phrases and the other had taken a year of college BCMS language classes & people FREAKED OUT over them. Nobody ever learns anything before visiting there and folks were so touched. 😭❤️

redletter.bsky.social•8 days ago

Honestly I think in general people are more impressed by someone in the process of learning than someone who is already pretty good. The Spaniards were much more impressed by my terrible school Spanish than anyone has ever been by my mandarin lol

redletter.bsky.social•8 days ago

Everyone remembers having a hard time with their second language, so they relate to someone just doing their best, maybe.

ellyzoe.bsky.social•8 days ago

In this case it was definitely people deeply touched that the kid of an immigrant still felt and wanted to be connected to their parent’s birth culture. AND that tourists (even kids of native speakers) don’t usually speak any of the language at all there—not even pls & TY.

2460fun.bsky.social•8 days ago

I was the only one in my 18-person American tour group in Lapland last month who bothered to learn any Finnish. 🫠 But at least I impressed a few locals and our tour director! (Who was from Spain and spoke five languages.)

redletter.bsky.social•8 days ago

i was in spain for only a few days a couple years ago, and my (horrible) highschool spanish got me more than a few perks at the hotel and local cafe just for making myself the but of all the locals' fun.

One of the main things was learning that you order gin by the 'copa', which is an absurd amount

tkingfisher.com•8 days ago

And the Finns will immediately start telling you how Finnish is miserably hard to learn and they don’t expect it.

uimonen.bsky.social•8 days ago

Yes, and in truth Finnish isn't harder to learn than other languages, just a bit different from, say, English. I wish would stop spreading that myth.

redletter.bsky.social•8 days ago

i've learned to some degree three or four second languages over my life so far, even tho chinese is the only one i've maintained at all. But my experience is that every language has different difficulty curves, but the only thing that is near insurmountable is tones for non-tonal native speakers.

redshiftsinger.bsky.social•8 days ago

Agreed (American, used to speak Finnish well enough to function at casual conversation, rusty now) — I found it easier in a lot of ways than French. Like, not having to remember what grammatical gender a table is? Fantastic! Consistently phonetic spelling? Love that!

uimonen.bsky.social•8 days ago

*wish Finns would

2460fun.bsky.social•8 days ago

I got a few “You did what?!” in conversation just by being able to say kiitos!

uimonen.bsky.social•8 days ago

That's a ridiculous attitude from them. 😄

cabe.shadowtek.uk•8 days ago

Please, thank you, and not desecrating a national monument will take you far!

bigredfutbol.bsky.social•8 days ago

Honestly, just learning a few very basic phrases and not talking SO LOUD mitigates most of the problem.

rds773.bsky.social•8 days ago

Volume is probably 60% of it, yes!

faineg.bsky.social•8 days ago

Obviously it’s a good idea and fun to learn some words and phrases in the language but nobody is expecting you to be fluent and also we have translation apps now

terraistrying.bsky.social•8 days ago

YouTubers Ludwig and Michael Reeves did a multipart series travelling around Japan on motorbikes and it was so wholesome. They used as much Japanese as they could often with funny results, and the locals were so kind and appreciative.

jctenton.bsky.social•8 days ago

japanese people are also unsettlingly nice once you go like, anywhere other than tokyo/osaka/kyoto. traveling around the rest of japan is great, highly recommend

(people also mostly nice in those cities but the tourist slam is real, esp kyoto. speaking japanese helps a LOT to defuse that)

trosen76.bsky.social•8 days ago

The French do appreciate when you at least *try* to speak the language.

ellyzoe.bsky.social•8 days ago

Yeahhh, have experienced French folks literally not believing my fam & I were American bc we were polite and spoke (sometimes poorly!) French to them. Paris in particular is full of Americans (and Brits) shouting orders at ppl in English. 💩

zzyzx.bsky.social•8 days ago

My favorite Paris story was when I went to the counter and tried with “un croissant s’il vous plait” and the clerk pointedly returned to English with “one euro.”

trosen76.bsky.social•8 days ago

Yea that happened to me a few times as well. My French is okay and my accent is pretty good so a lot of times I could just converse in French but other times they sniffed me out right away and just started talking to me in English.

smintheus.bsky.social•8 days ago

Many non-Parisians in France detest the Parisians for their rudeness to them. I had a student from Brittany who said they often pretended not to understand her French.

brainmist.bsky.social•8 days ago

I learn "Please", "Thank you", "I would like that thing", "I don't speak ", "Excuse me", and "I am very, very sorry" (because if someone is messing up the interaction, presumably it's me).

And that has worked pretty well!

thebookwizard.bsky.social•8 days ago

Oofta, I’m THAT American who always bends over backward not to be obnoxious.

New bio: Meg the USian, making things weird from the beginning of time

radstarcos.bsky.social•8 days ago

knowing just a little bit is huge! I bought stamps in Italy on duolingo beginner Italian, and was able to convey that I would only be in town for a day in German when figuring out if the phone place would be able to fix my phone while I was traveling (had to wait til I returned to the US lol)

radstarcos.bsky.social•8 days ago

both cases the folks helping me didn't speak much English so aside from specific words there was also gesturing 😅

swinters.bsky.social•8 days ago

In my experience, you get a much more positive response from people when you speak their language, no matter how poorly.

markellinwood.bsky.social•8 days ago

My only preparations for going to Greece were 1) Do they speak enough English (yes), 2) What electric outlet adapters do I need, and 3) What do I need to make sure my phone works

marcelplichta.bsky.social•8 days ago

To be fair seeing the 'ugly american' also depends WHERE you go. Where I am in Scotland we get the incurious retiree crowd from the states that are slightly more prone to being rude. I saw a lady heckling a cleaning staff member because her milkshake wasn't as cold as she wanted.

cindynorth1.bsky.social•8 days ago

the ugly american in the story is the good guy btw

marcelplichta.bsky.social•8 days ago

faineg.bsky.social•8 days ago

Yep. Not so much an issue in Indonesia

marcelplichta.bsky.social•8 days ago

"indo-who-now? I'm going to learn about my family's clan in edinberg"

tinkoceraptor.bsky.social•8 days ago

Very often when Germans meet other Germans abroad, we‘ll have lengthy conversations in English because neither wants to admit they’re German.

tkingfisher.com•8 days ago

Every German tourist I have ever met says something self-deprecating about their English and then proceeds to speak my language better than I do.

tinkoceraptor.bsky.social•8 days ago

We’re overcompensating the stereotype of German tourists expecting ppl to speak German everywhere they go, when everyone in their right mind knows, how ridiculously hard it is to learn German.

sizemo.bsky.social•8 days ago

It makes going to Germany as a German learner really difficult because they always clock you as foreign immediately and then switch to English for your convenience.

disorientedmammal.bsky.social•8 days ago

I did a study abroad in Germany all excited to become fluent in German but barely got the chance (at first) b/c everyone saw me struggle and switched to English lol

aldebaran26.bsky.social•8 days ago

I can speak decent enough German, that when I've shared an AirBnB with a German couple. We introduced, realized they were German, switched to German. Afterwards, anytime we would run into each other, they would be pleasant, but stop all conversation amongst themselves until I left the room.

tinkoceraptor.bsky.social•8 days ago

That is probably because among many people it is considered rude to continue a conversation you don’t want to include someone in, when they enter the room.

aldebaran26.bsky.social•8 days ago

Which is why I laughed. And went about my business.

whetstone.bsky.social•8 days ago

I’ve met a lot of stealth Germans with perfect, native-accent English. It’s amazing.

The one time I was traveling & a German guy spoke to me in German first (before switching to English, because I’m American) i found it really surprising. And charming.

tinkoceraptor.bsky.social•8 days ago

There’s this stereotype thing going on of Germans complaining and giving bad reviews, because no one spoke German in their holiday destination. The others are overcompensating because of that stereotype.

whetstone.bsky.social•8 days ago

Oh wow, I have never heard a *whisper* of that stereotype! My main impression of German tourists is more that fashion/body language are close enough to American that I have to hear them talking to differentiate.

whetstone.bsky.social•8 days ago

I do have a general theory that tourists behave better in proportion to how far they are from their home country, though… and all the German tourists I’ve met have been quite far from home. So maybe the stereotype is known in Europe.

dezziegriff.bsky.social•8 days ago

I don't know, I think it's kinda fun? Like how the planning for a vacation is almost as fun as actually going. Learning language and customs gives me that same feeling.

faineg.bsky.social•8 days ago

It is fun! But I see people stressing themselves out over it as if they’re concerned they’ll be massive assholes if they don’t devote a year of intensive study to Going Abroad and I think that’s a little excessive.

faineg.bsky.social•8 days ago

I mean I personally enjoy reading multiple history books about everywhere I go but I’m weird and I don’t think that needs to be standard

mattsteinglass.bsky.social•8 days ago

You must know different Americans than I do

camconut-tree.bsky.social•8 days ago

The world if everyone were just nice and normal all of the time

booktweeting.bsky.social•8 days ago

there are always German tourists right there explaining the country to the professional guides who have lived there all their lives

really the bar is on the floor, just be civil

faineg.bsky.social•8 days ago

hoo boy yes

omfproductions.bsky.social•8 days ago

This seems right. The rudest people I saw in Pisa were German tourists.

dwerkoppimhimmel.bsky.social•8 days ago

These people are so embarrassing, that you won’t even detect the majority of the other Germans around you (we’re everywhere!) as they switch to any other language they know

They piss us off, too.

smintheus.bsky.social•8 days ago

Yeah, a century ago Germans would mock Danes as if they were yokels, now when traveling they slap Danish flags on their stuff like embarrassed American tourists pretending to be Canadian.

omfproductions.bsky.social•8 days ago

Yea. Do not want to put this shame on all Germans by any means. It was just weird, thousands of people all trying to get pictures from different angles with different landmarks or buildings and MOST of them are waiting in lines to take turns or weaving around to stay out of others camera shots...

omfproductions.bsky.social•8 days ago

But there was one German family where Dad would just barge through pictures and plow to the front of ad-hoc lines and the kids and mom would follow him and nobody(self-inclusive) wanted to deal with it and just got of his way

booktweeting.bsky.social•8 days ago

we here in 🇺🇸 feel the exact same about the folks in Minions t-shirts loudly demanding ketchup

every nation has some flavor of Those People

jimmydeltaone.bsky.social•8 days ago

Can’t. I start out that way and then some Americans get off a tourist bus with fanny packs and Budweiser hats, yelling at their wilding kids who and I’m immediately ashamed

The worst moment was a busload of American students at the Golden Temple in Kyoto. It had been so peaceful and then it wasn’t.

bridiemac.bsky.social•8 days ago

Practise a very plummy British accent. Altho most ppl in the world can't tell the difference between the various dialects of Eng, many will have heard the Royals speaking & will be able to differentiate that (which is called RP - Received Pronunciation) from any American dialect.

faineg.bsky.social•8 days ago

Again I really don’t think that British tourists are actually *more* popular

jimmydeltaone.bsky.social•8 days ago

My go-to is to dress down and try to fit in but I probably don’t pull it off convincingly

2460fun.bsky.social•8 days ago

I’m Chinese American so I’m often playing the game of “don’t lump me in with them…” (loud Chinese group) and “not them either!” (loud American group)

lazear.bsky.social•8 days ago

Feels like the answer is just be an indifferent spectator. Just don't draw undue attention to yourself and exist in the space like the locals do and most people will be happy to have you, but too many Americans have a main character complex.

redletter.bsky.social•8 days ago

the answer is just to be yourself, as long as yourself is interested and curious in the people and location. Most people like have people interested in their culture/food/whatever.

I travelled a lot during the Bush years, and despite all the "they hate us" discourse, i never had any trouble.

redletter.bsky.social•8 days ago

And in Korea, at least, the "ugly foreigners" stereotype was mostly about canadians.

goodtimecharlie.bsky.social•8 days ago

Wait, really lol? All I've been seeing on internet for years is that Canadians are the superior from-north-america tourists

redletter.bsky.social•8 days ago

Canadians think so, but at least in Korea it was Canadian and Chinese tourists that were considered the worst. This was in 2006 so maybe we were all over compensating lol

lazear.bsky.social•8 days ago

It started as a joke in the bush era that if you were an american, you pretended to be canadian so people didn't hate you in europe, but like most western countries have some bad habbits as tourists.

redletter.bsky.social•8 days ago

My experience in England and the Netherlands in the early 2000s was that nobody really cared about Americans unless the American really cared about it. It was mostly a media fabrication in the us that these other countries didn’t like us as tourists, imo. American exceptionalism as xenophobia-phobia

bridiemac.bsky.social•8 days ago

They sure do: loud, demanding, shouting @ locals who don't speak Eng bc that will obviously help them understand, pushing to the front of queues, eating their junk food on the steps of historic places, ugh. On the off chance that the locals might mistake my Australian accent for that of an American,

bridiemac.bsky.social•8 days ago

I either speak the local language or make sure that my accent sounds British.

faineg.bsky.social•8 days ago

I don’t think Australian and British tourists are *more* popular than American tourists nowadays

bridiemac.bsky.social•8 days ago

Don't you?

faineg.bsky.social•8 days ago

I mean I just spent five months in Asia talking to lots of local people about tourism

chronodyne.bsky.social•8 days ago

I just wore black in Oxford for my semester abroad.
Fit right in.

nickgorton.bsky.social•8 days ago

I totally resemble this remark. I was visiting the Frieda Khalo Museum & an " ugly American" woman was upset at the cafe barista because she didn't speak English. I translated for them (at which point the woman got mad at me too?) So after I bought coffee and left a 500 peso tip.

drjasonharrison.bsky.social•8 days ago

I've been upset that the Vancouver Art Gallery restaurant had chicken fingers for my kids but no ketchup. Didn't express my emotional reaction but WTF.

thalantos.bsky.social•8 days ago

I figure if I'm gonna be seen as being kinda obnoxious (which I generally think Americans in east Asia are), I wanna be a nice and fun obnoxious, and not a mean and demanding obnoxious. :)

Also, I've gotten really good at apologizing in Thai, lol

filigreemchana.bsky.social•7 days ago

Had to coach a younger American venturing into a French supermarket: 'No, don't smile so much. Smiles are fine, when you need them for actual interaction. When in doubt, use Resting Bitch Face, you'll be fine.'

joaomtcosta.bsky.social•8 days ago

There's no winning in this game.

rager.tech•8 days ago

Is this the American's fault for trying to be real nice or the European's fault for kind of being assholes about it?

faineg.bsky.social•8 days ago

I’m not talking about exclusively Europe here

msocsci.bsky.social•8 days ago

I'm obviously in the wrong places because every American I've met, without exception, were ugly obnoxious bores.

sandy-o.bsky.social•8 days ago

Probably because you didn't notice the normal ones because they don't stand out.

msocsci.bsky.social•8 days ago

Quite possibly

dylpickles626.bsky.social•8 days ago

msocsci.bsky.social•8 days ago

I don't give anyone a 2nd glance on the street or anywhere else. It's almost impossible to not see the loud obnoxious Americans. The worst one I encountered was in Malaga pestering the wee lassie in a cafe to accept American dollars. They ended up shouting and abusing her until they were told to go.

bridiemac.bsky.social•8 days ago

TBH I've only ever met *4* Americans (2 couples) that *weren't* 'ugly Americans': one in Paris and another in Venice. I heard one on a water bus in Venice once, shouting (naturally) 'why is SHE allowed on here with her shopping trolley??!' 'She' was a local who'd been at the Rialto Market

robert2themax.bsky.social•8 days ago

If you have met less than half a dozen non ugly Americans, you are either A) not particularly well traveled B) don't talk to people or C) the most cynical person alive and not much better than the person you mentioned in your anecdote.

bridiemac.bsky.social•8 days ago

On the contrary. Lived in Europe, have travelled except Africa, worked in the Uni sector 30 yrs so have met *many* different people: my opinion still stands. American tourists are, largely, awful.

BTW I said I love New Yorkers & other E coasters- that takes my tally to a little over 6 I think...

maggiemarbles.bsky.social•8 days ago

How would you spot the non-awful ones? Yeah, if they all climb off the tour bus wearing logo merchandise and shorts in the city, you know what you've got. But you could have missed dozens or hundreds of stealth Americans wandering around looking like everyone else.

faineg.bsky.social•8 days ago

Yeah like, it’s not American tourists all run around wearing American flag capes

bridiemac.bsky.social•8 days ago

And Americans may look similar to other people but they sound very different. And to an educated ear one can tell the difference.

robert2themax.bsky.social•8 days ago

Tell us about our skull sizes next

maggiemarbles.bsky.social•8 days ago

So you have to be close enough to hear them, which is a lot more likely if they're hollering like they're in a tornado than if they speak at a normal volume.

bridiemac.bsky.social•8 days ago

The rest of the world works towards a little Cultural sensitivity - & knowledge. 🙄

robert2themax.bsky.social•8 days ago

Alright so going with option C

tsod.bsky.social•8 days ago

You have, you just don't know it.

bridiemac.bsky.social•7 days ago

I'm guessing you're American. Only an American would make such a silly comment. America is not the centre of the universe & most of the rest of us are a lot more aware of the rest of the world than Americans are. Most of you never even learn a 2nd language & can't identify other countries on a map.

bridiemac.bsky.social•7 days ago

Why on Earth would you believe that I have met Americans but I am too dense to know it. The accents are unmistakable for one thing. 🙄

bridiemac.bsky.social•8 days ago

doing her shopping. How else was she going to get home in Venice other than on a vaporetto? SO I took it up myself to explain to the Americans that 'she' was a local doing her food shopping, & apologised to the woman in Italian for the Americans' lack of respect for & knowledge of locals' lives.

coatimundi.bsky.social•8 days ago

Did everyone on the vaporetto clap? I bet they all clapped

bridiemac.bsky.social•7 days ago

You've been to Venice! 👍🏻

kenmuldrew.bsky.social•8 days ago

Hoping that more Americans now start to find ways to compensate for being astonishingly uninformed about the rest of the world.

kipwilliams.bsky.social•8 days ago

Someone asked me for directions in London once.

scarequotes.com•8 days ago

I've had a couple of friends note that Americans smile *a lot* compared to Europeans, at least

heatherk.bsky.social•8 days ago

So true. I speak Italian and Spanish pretty well and French OK, but when I go to a country where I don't know the language I feel like I have to apologize for it.

esotericphotog.bsky.social•8 days ago

My only advice for Americans traveling abroad is to turn your speaking volume down, like, whisper cuz American whisper volume is the general speaking volume for the rest of the world. Americans are so loud + being quiet is the most endearing thing you can do in another country

accidentalflyer.bsky.social•8 days ago

Travel or living? There were 2 incidents in China from a few years back that made me think Americans were being authentic, but Chinese citizens were shocked.
First was an American student studying in China, who saw a homeless old lady (yes, there are many in China) and offered her his water and food

accidentalflyer.bsky.social•8 days ago

2nd class was a kid who fell into a river, many bystanders who did nothing, an American business man living in China happen to stop by and jumped into the river and saved the kid.

continentaldivide.bsky.social•8 days ago

In the book, the 'ugly American' was the good guy who understood the locals, spoke the language, and opposed intervention. It was the smooth good-looking Yalie type who did all the bad shit. I know it's too late to change the deep-set assumption about this idiom, but it is in the book.

carl-gustav.bsky.social•8 days ago

No need to be rude honey, just hand the nice man your wallet

ablum.bsky.social•8 days ago

I also love when Europeans or Japanese travel through like Indiana are totally freaked out by how nice everyone is.

mementomorty.bsky.social•8 days ago

americans abroad trying to look nice

ianm5280.bsky.social•8 days ago

michellekbaldwin.bsky.social•8 days ago

This is me. Overly thanking everyone I meet, lots of “pardon” or “so sorry.” 🤷‍♀️

nickwidzowski.bsky.social•8 days ago

I’ve only ever been able to do one real overseas trip but I’ll bet I was 100% guilty of this on that trip

andraswf.bsky.social•8 days ago

relevant https://bsky.app/profile/andraswf.bsky.social/post/3lnk6yyvpts2f

differentmatt.bsky.social•8 days ago

Don't be silly, that's not true.

[affixes extra-large Canadian flag pin to my backpack strap and rehearses my backstory under my breath on the Paris Metro]

differentmatt.bsky.social•8 days ago

But seriously, you're right. I cannot help but be 10,000% in my head when I'm traveling abroad. It's pathological.

MY WIFE BUYING A TOURIST MAP OF PARIS AT A KIOSK: Thanks! Merci!

ME: are you trying to get us killed

bobdazla.bsky.social•8 days ago

Everyone can spot the annoying Americans from a mile away, you just need to be normal and you are fine. Also being overly nice comes off as fake, and does not help.

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