mugger: How much you got?
me: *looks in my purse and sees two Snickers bars* One Snickers bar.
me: *looks in my purse and sees two Snickers bars* One Snickers bar.
Comments
I'm like I don't have anything on me!!
Turned out my pockets on my running shorts.
He was like, what do we do next?
And he’s like “with whose money?”
And you laughed and he laughed and then you gave him your number
And he never called
“You mean the object that is literally tracked and I will send a nuclear code to, to wipe it clean?”
“The ones I will cancel.”
“That has a security system that I can enter an emergency code and police show up in 5 minutes?”
might I interest you in a receipt covered in lipstick imprints or an empty tictac container?
Keeps pulling…
No, hang on, it’s almost out…
Where are you going?
You want the band aid?
Mugger: how much you got?
Me: *looks in my wallet and sees two Bearcats tickets*
Two Bearcats tickets.
me: *opens desk and sees an empty packet of beef and onion crisps that I like to smell at random moments during the school day* How long you got?
(Based on a true story from the cold, dark 70s)
You: Better?
Mugger: Better.
...
Mugger: Now, gimme your shoes, bitch.
Got the notes out, turned around, got pinned to the walled by this very tall intimidating man who said, ‘Give me a pound £’, so I put my hand in my pocket, produced a single golden nugget and handed it over. That was that. Been baffled for years.
Stupid robbers