It's 2030. Secretary of State Chris Van Hollen, who has rebuilt a coalition with most NATO states, says the siege on Bukele's home has been a success. The NBA has ruled Ozempic is not a performance enhancing drug, but Luka Doncic refuses to take it, winning his third MVP in four years at 400 pounds. - ThreadSky

bencollins.bsky.social • 57 days ago

It's 2030. Secretary of State Chris Van Hollen, who has rebuilt a coalition with most NATO states, says the siege on Bukele's home has been a success. The NBA has ruled Ozempic is not a performance enhancing drug, but Luka Doncic refuses to take it, winning his third MVP in four years at 400 pounds.

Reposted from Tim Onion

It is 2029. Luka Doncic, 375 pounds now, is eating an open faced turkey sandwich during the first TV timeout of the 4th quarter of Game 3 of the NBA Finals. Experts wonder if he’s fat enough to win a 4th straight title. President Ocasio-Cortes has invaded El Salvador.

Comments

arkansasnewsroom.com•57 days ago

Will Luka be the first NBA player since, I assume, Lainbeer? McHale?, to smoke cigarettes on the court during a timeout in the finals? Time will tell, etc.

happysnappy808.bsky.social•57 days ago

2050: Luka, now the size of a small moon, leaves to orbit earth
2051: “ain’t no rule says a moon can’t play basketball”

dropoutjon.bsky.social•56 days ago

The future sounds bright

akhanukov.bsky.social•56 days ago

Only thing is if takes almost a year to capture Bukele we didn’t bring the DEI soldiers back fast enough.

godzillavs.bsky.social•57 days ago

nickkaters.bsky.social•57 days ago

It's the Year 102035. Emperor Luka Doncic LX - a planet-sized fusion of a human and a basketball - rules over the Galactic Order as Earth turns to ash. Basketball is played for his enjoyment by robots.

gordonvincent.bsky.social•56 days ago

It's the year 2026. A shining metallic simulacrum of a man on a surfboard has appeared outside Mar A Lago, to announce that Luka Doncic is returning through time to devour the Earth.

unoservix.bsky.social•57 days ago

he didn't win the fourth MVP because he took a year off to negotiate a comprehensive peace agreement in Myanmar

zazzyzazz.bsky.social•57 days ago

He could if he really wanted to

nancielina.bsky.social•57 days ago

@bencollins.bsky.social Then we haven't learned anything since the 1870s. We've invaded Western Hemisphere countries 4 1 century+, & what will Pres @aoc.bsky.social do differently? Trying to turn them all into mini model democracies didn't work so well, & they became more impoverished when we left.

itus.bsky.social•57 days ago

Also, Katy Perry living in space full time.

fynnbytez.bsky.social•56 days ago

It's fun to dream

mattfromchicago.bsky.social•56 days ago

Bulls win 37 games and lose the play-in game for the 9th straight season

maryhartmanx2.bsky.social•57 days ago

sending this to my PharmD NBA fan friends

mfelps.bsky.social•56 days ago

I'm hoping one of Bukele's people takes care of him long before that.

batsandwires.bsky.social•57 days ago

zazzyzazz.bsky.social•57 days ago

God is good 🙏🏼

carnivorcupcake.bsky.social•56 days ago

And people sang and hugged in the streets in preparation for the national holiday celebrating the 5th anniversary of a former president’s death. Lady Gaga headlined the performance.

maggiethornton.bsky.social•57 days ago

From your lips to God's ears, Mr. Onion.

jacobdavison.bsky.social•56 days ago

What a bold vision of the future

gordonvincent.bsky.social•56 days ago

novemberkilo77.bsky.social•57 days ago

Jesus dude. That was perfect!

de24.bsky.social•56 days ago

And Trump will never perish the earth.

mylenemoreno.bsky.social•56 days ago

Ha! My household grieves for Luka

shambollic.bsky.social•56 days ago

I think most people would go insane to live in your head for a few minutes, @bencollins.bsky.social

dianaa.bsky.social•57 days ago

From your skeet to gods ears (or his reskeets)

sstein.bsky.social•57 days ago

I hope we deserve this future.

danieltuke.bsky.social•56 days ago

eric314.bsky.social•56 days ago

I’m to the point that nothing political is funny. We are losing our freedoms, our rights and our democracy. Nothing funny about that. I think that using irony is softening what’s actually happening. People have to realize how devastating this regime is to what they do and what they’re allowed to do.

stevepuma.bsky.social•56 days ago

You spelled "president" wrong.

chofualum.bsky.social•56 days ago

AOC is POTUS...... unless you're still a confessed misogynist in 2029/30

stevepuma.bsky.social•56 days ago

Works for me

decentnews.bsky.social•56 days ago

2060, you can no long file as single, married or head of household with the IRS. You can only file as Bisexual.

gordonvincent.bsky.social•56 days ago

Lemon bars made mandatory. The national anthem, the Dollyrots "Dream Lover," is properly observed by displaying dual fingerguns.

elmagyar.bsky.social•57 days ago

If ozempic is allowed then fellow laker Zion Williamson wins his 4th straight mvp in 2030

arcadianvision.bsky.social•56 days ago

None of this waffle will ever happen while Americans are more content to sit at home posting inane shite on social media than rising up and overthrowing the Nazi coup

thx3188.bsky.social•57 days ago

Bukele will be put on trial in the Supreme Judicial Court of the North American Union

gordonvincent.bsky.social•56 days ago

At its capital, in Ottawa.

mikebrode.bsky.social•56 days ago

You know he’s going to be reposting this in 6 years

irvineghost20.bsky.social•57 days ago

Um not to be a downer but where was Maryland's other senator during this? Feel like @alsobrooks.senate.gov has been nowhere to be found. She should have gone with Van Hollen

prutherford77.bsky.social•56 days ago

Thinking small. 2027 after winning enough Senate seat to have 67 in the midterms, the Senate is voting on whether to convict Trump and Vance on impeachment charges. If convicted Speaker Obama will be a care taker POTUS using the move that Trump was planning to achieve a 3rd term.

wfpremo.bsky.social•57 days ago

Well, there was once a guy named Len...

greyoutt.bsky.social•56 days ago

It's 2031. Sony releases the Playstation VR 3, with a motion sensor bar that is literally just a kinect, and it sells like hot cakes.

Microsoft has purchased Ubisoft. Electronic Arts announces Red Alert 4 with Tim Curry returning as a head in a jar on a robot body.