I woke up with a spitting headache in a jail cell. I was and charged with felony terrorist threats. I survived and have had shoulder problems ever since. I try and watch my language around cops. There was no evidence other than my words.
I called a detective a fu..ing little prick. He and his buds beat me till I was out cold. When I woke up in handcuffs I called him a little f,,,ng prick again and they beat me again and knocked me out again. After that I don't remember anything until the next morning.
I hit and ran a vehicle when I was the designated sober driver. Then I called the police and said someone hit me just so I could get an accident sticker to tell my dad it wasn’t my fault this time. PoPo looked for broken glass, but they should have interviewed my passengers.
Pulled over driving drunk w a suspended license & expired tags. Freaked out & told my friend to give me her license. Cop reviews & says, “you don’t LOOK Mexican…” I blurted, “What do you want me to do about it?!!” He apologized & let me go w a warning about my seatbelt. Which I also wasn’t wearing.
When I was 19, I snuck into the cemetery where my dad’s side of the family is buried with a guy I was dating at the time and we literally had sex on top of the grave while we were high.
When the cameraman came up to me I said “I’m doing my part!” But I wasn’t really doing my part, I was too busy trying not to hyperventilate before I got put on the transport to Klendathu. So many bugs. They just. Kept. COMING.
i hit a pedophile in his shop, he was well known for it, and it basically happened moments before i went in to give him a slap, police charged me with attemted burgaly and attemted robbery as he was in his shop.. took them 13 years to arrest the same man with hundreds of victims coming forward.
When I empty a container in the pantry like the box of oatmeal packets I leave the empty box. Apparently this is a capital offense in some countries (according to my wife).
Breaking and entering. It was in a chapel and when we saw the security guard come in, we sat down and pretended to pray. He told us he'd leave a door open for us. 😇
Hahahahaha it’s such a great story and 20 years ago, past the statute of limitations, but I’m not telling, other than I did not benefit, it was a Robin Hood type thing and BIG. And I’d do it again.
I took a free mason sign and planted in in the lawn of the high school. A couple of days later it was back safe and sound albeit with a very heavy chain and lock attached. They apparently missed all the evidence?
I found a little tiny box playing World of Warcraft and I opened it and it had an 'evisceration spell' inside. I carried it around until one day some b*ch attacked me for no reason so I threw it at her, and all her guts spilled out. I laughed merrily.
I killed my husband with a lamb chop and wasn't caught because I cooked and served the lamb chop to the cops. They couldn't find the murder weapon and couldn't figure out whodunnit
I stole a 486 computer from my company in 1995. There was no evidence. I knew where all the cameras were, and I stashed it, then waited a week before smuggling it out the back door. The company is now out of business. I think I’m safe.
I stole Mad Magazine paperback books back in the late 60s. I was never apprehended. I have since rehabilitated myself. I no longer crave parody in book form.
I broke in to a nursing home so I could steal dentures and get cash from the tooth fairy. I left behind a copy of 1984 I was reading at the time, with the typical “To Ed, love mom and dad” on the inside.
"*Really*, Lieutenant, I must *in*sist that you *de*sist from this tiresome line of questioning. I'm a very busy man as you know, and while we've been having this delightful conversation, I've been neglecting my guests in a manner they're unlikely to forgive. Now if you'll excuse me..."
My ex- once made an observation that I read a lot of murder mysteries and asked why, since all the murderers got caught in the end. I told him I was taking notes.
Okay, I admit it. I killed Kennedy AND Oswald. The person they have always showed wasnt the real Oswald. He was payed to play the part of Oswald. We even got him a new ID and background.
I snuck pieces of the cake my great grandma used to give to the ladies at church 😭. I would fill in the holes with more icing 😪. I was like 6 but i was smart af
In 1978, I hammered a nickel to the size of a quarter to buy a 7-Up from a vending machine. Statute of limitations expired. Gosh, it’s good to get that off my chest.
I scanned a cucumber with one not so cleverly hidden behind the first. The camera caught me and summoned the associate to clear my register. The camera showed my hand with 2 cucumbers, and the associate cleared the register apparently more annoyed that the system interrupted her conversation.
I guess the biggest was very obvious wreckless endangerment of a lot of people on a freeway. My friends and I were driving at least 150 MPH on the 405 freeway in LA during modest traffic. Did this for many miles, passed 2 CHP who didn't chase us...
smuggling hasch for my own, in a random car, alone, the product on the carboard, but there are no border in Schengen space, so the cop are everywhere and specially nowhere
I once attended a family reunion I wasn’t invited to, ate the catered food, and left before anyone realized I wasn’t a cousin. The cops missed the guestbook I signed with a fake name: Cousin Mort, “from the attic.” It's dark days, but I’m still waiting for the reunion photo to surface.
Well, they hung my brother before I could say. The tracks he saw while on his way to Andy's house amd back that night were mine. His cheating wife never left town, that's one body they won't be found.
Comments
I called a detective a fu..ing little prick. He and his buds beat me till I was out cold. When I woke up in handcuffs I called him a little f,,,ng prick again and they beat me again and knocked me out again. After that I don't remember anything until the next morning.
Snitches get STITCHES!!!
ahahahahaha
Was adjacent to a murder. Gave fake name that my fake ID matched.
Helped partner pass on. Terminally ill. Police not involved but there were people that either knew or chose not to.
Is that you?
That's why the case is still unsolved!
Hey wait a minute!
Not saying I ever did that, that's just what he told me.
Police weren't needed
Because I wanted to rail this girl on the otherside of the country.
It's not illegal, but their that's common enough not to draw suspicion or ***'s TSA are kinda bad at their job.
Okay, now I can go to the grave safely. 😂
missed evidence: the drugs
Evidence: It was in my pocket
Who do you think we are, Jan 6th rioters?
Could have killed ourselves and many others.
I’m a good little boy who has never even once strayed outside the law 🤓