Hey, I predate the Onion. Its predecessor was the UW-Madison student paper which had great satirical articles when I was a student in the 70s. It was UW students who started the Onion. They basically decided to turn the April 1 issue into a full time gig.
(Edited 1:30 PM via @skeetsapp.com)
And hey, boomers can be great. I was raised by two of them and got really lucky about who the two are.
(Also if I admit I’m an adult then my parents are *old*, and even them both being retired does not make me cool with that concept. Hence using generational terms and not thinking about actual age)
I could probably accept the idea that I am an adult in a pinch, but my parents being old is a horrifying idea and fuck that, they are simply Adults (who I spend as much time with as possible because fuck, what if I can’t see them some day? Fuuuuck. Therefore they are Not Old)
The worst part is, everything else they wrote besides this Bush article was satire. The “long national nightmare of peace and prosperity” article was literally true, every single word of it
Every headline a home run. This is why I pay for print copies - I want a framed chronicle of our nation’s downfall. One day we can exhibit at the Guggenheim? Not sure what year we start at (2015?) and not sure where it ends. Hard to figure out rock bottom until we get there
Articles, conjunctions, infinitives, and prepositions aren't capitalised in titles except at the start (unless following a colon), so you may be overspending your headline space mr onion
In passing, I really appreciate how the Onion still has proper headlines, as opposed to the 'Unremarkable fact everyone knows. Here's why that's bad' or 'She was a character in the novel of her life. Then she got hit with a plot twist.'
That old dumbass chestnut that goes>> NO PAIN, NO GAIN!! -- now we know where that bullshhht came from--- ppl who hate themselves, like Trump, 98% of the Republicans, and elon/ thiel/ miller/ homan/ foos busted on the Chat, and more!
It was shocking to wake up this morning and find out he had not been previously convicted like I swear I remember? Did we get Mandela effected? Bearenstein bears, jiffy peanut butter, Russel brand sex offender?
Apparently these idiots have been on fire for decades. Dunno where these dumbasses keep getting their info from. What moron lets this shit go to print?
Today Is #HandsOffDay!! #PEACEFULPROTEST
if you can't get to DC, if you can't get to your state capitol, get to your city hall, then GET ONLINE AND MAKE SOME PHONE CALLS! @5calls.org repost, especially if you are a 🔵 blue dot in a red state.📍
💧Alone, we are a drop. Together, #wearetheflood 🌊
Oh this was in the CBC morning brief, right after the moose migration update and just before the reminder to wear SPF 500 for wildfire season. I also heard they may have found the recipe for the Lost Lager, in a fetid Canadian swamp—probably in Manitoba—and they may begin rebrewing it next month.
Are y'all on the Peter Navarro anagram of his own name fake expert story, yet? Satire is dragging its bloody entrails behind it, trying to stay ahead of the fascist leopards eating peoples' faces party…
Comments
https://Membership.theonion.com
Live long and prosper, you magnificent bastards.
I can’t claim all Millies remember The Onion In Print, y’know?
(Edited 1:30 PM via @skeetsapp.com)
(Also if I admit I’m an adult then my parents are *old*, and even them both being retired does not make me cool with that concept. Hence using generational terms and not thinking about actual age)
Just remember to smile. I haven't encountered any real wankers yet!
https://theonion.com/bush-our-long-national-nightmare-of-peace-and-prosperi-1819565882/
Seriously living rent-free in my mind for the forseeable future.
https://theonion.com/trump-says-he-wont-rule-out-third-reich/
Simply brilliant!
Follow me for more bitchy meta headlines
https://theonion.com/fbi-uncovers-al-qaeda-plot-to-just-sit-back-and-enjoy-c-1819576375/
https://theonion.com/bush-regales-dinner-guests-with-impromptu-oratory-on-vi-1819567929/
He even prays while working; he's not sure what to do with his hands.
Keep it coming.
😁😁😁
if you can't get to DC, if you can't get to your state capitol, get to your city hall, then GET ONLINE AND MAKE SOME PHONE CALLS! @5calls.org repost, especially if you are a 🔵 blue dot in a red state.📍
💧Alone, we are a drop. Together, #wearetheflood 🌊
PS - A movie sequel please. We could use it for a decompression laugh. Keep us, and your crew, sane with some piss taking.
(also, it would be great if you'd put alt text on your images so I could share them with my friends who use screen readers)
https://theonion.com/fox-defends-airing-of-when-jews-attack-1819564254/
1. Trump, 3/16/20 -2,997.10
2. Trump, 3/12/20 -2,352.60
3. Trump, 3/9/20 -2,013.76
4. Trump, 6/11/20 -1,861.82
5. Trump, 4/3/25 -1,679.39
6. Trump, 3/11/20 -1,464.94
7. Trump, 3/18/2 -1,338.46
Tired of winning yet?
Brought to you by @drharmony.bsky.social
https://linktr.ee/revolution2025
Alwaas knew he was a sex offender, just unsure about the convicted part.
https://bsky.app/profile/edgardoblock.bsky.social/post/3llzxx6mpm22z
If I don't laugh, I'll cry.