This is gonna sound odd, but as a kid I always felt that Chef Boyardee had a very affirming face. I had a 6th birthday party at McDonald's, so the clown can stay. Little Caesar's was the only pizza available in the small town I grew up in. Noid because claymation is GOATed.
Well Ronald is actually a magical god king of a world of his own design, Where all the foods prey to be consumed with a smile. Like a fucked up death cult.
You want the Colonel on your side. The man was a savage, more animal than human. If he wants to kill you, he will and no force on heaven or earth will sop him.
Kool-Aid Man: commonly breaks through walls without concern.
Green Giant: he's a freaking big giant.
Burger King: creepy, has sneaks.
The Noid: likely criminally insane and most homicidal.
I believe that team would be the best choice as the others aren't nearly as dangerous IMO.
Kool Aid Man
Col. Sanders (don't let his warm demeanor fool you. He kills chickens)
Wendy (Redheads are dangerous. 'Nuff said)
Green Giant (He ain't another certain green-skinned behemoth, but he'll do)
Kool Aid Man - bust me out of any room on command
Burger King - stealth specialist
Colonel Sanders - military experience
Green Giant - the muscle (there are are other contenders in the strength category, but I feel he's the most stablr and reliable)
Jack - would've picked him for his versatility if we didn't have this many spots to make a team
Little Caesar - he's got the spear, but his stature limits him
Ronald - the biggest threat, raid boss material
Jack seems like he's got a private army.
Jolly Green Giant is a giant made from plants and can regenerate from anything. Plus he can animate & control plants like Poison Ivy.
Chester Cheetah is an unstoppable ball of savage energy.
The King is inescapable.
1. Green Giant rules + smack talk as well calling everyone a Ho
2. kool aid man
3. Jack in the box - see @cataribartok.bsky.social comment
4. colonel sanders as a military strategist
Chef Boyardee — mob ties
Green Giant — he’s a giant
Mr. Peanut — oligarch-level resources
Col. Sanders — a cold, dark moral vacuum birthed in the bowels of the Old South. He’ll get the job done then serve up a chicken dinner over the carnage.
I want kool-aid man (he can bust through walls, useful), the jolly green giant (big), colonel sanders (he presumably commands soldiers?), and little caesar (same as colonel sanders but he also has a spear and food). i guess i could drink the kool-aid man if i got thirsty too
Jolly Green Giant (ho ho ho), Kool-Aid Man (oh yeah), Bob’s Big Boy, and Chester Cheetah. If the first three can’t stomp everyone else, that anthropomorphic feline killing machine can take care of whatever’s left.
Green Giant - obvious size advantage
Ronald McDonald - access to incredible resources
The Colonel - wisdom of age/experience
Jack in the Box - seems like he gets things done, don't want him as my enemy
Frankly with these four out of the picture I don't even see the rest of the group as a threat, as they would be too distracted fighting amongst themselves. Mr Cheese may be able to organize a small contingent, but he could never command a personality like the Noid the way Jack could
realistically, the green giant’s all you need. very likely he’s a pacifist who’ll refuse to fight others, and he can pick you up and put you on his shoulder so no one bothers you except the owl.
he can literally just stomp ppl, kick, etc. Jack is unpredictable with a quick wit, and probs good at quick decisions. Same with the noid, from what i know of him. Chaotic. both people you don’t want on the opposing side. and the cool aid man has brute strength, able to burst through walls despite-
being made of glass. i think the only concern i have is the cheeto cheetah’s speed; but i also don’t know if he actually has speed abilities, and if so, i bet the noid could trip him or smth.
The Burger King probably has enough power to provide protection. Jolly Green Giant has the muscle. Chester Cheetah has the speed and the wild animal ferocity. And Ronald McDonald because clowns are fucking terrifying and I don't want him as an enemy.
the king and jack in the box because I would rather have their chaotic energy on my side than weaponised against me, the jolly green giant because he is a giant, and the tootsie pop owl because I just like him
Someone else here is saying that Col Sanders isn't actually military, it's just an honorific, in which case I'm kicking him for Jolly Green Giant so he can step on the "Colonel"'s valor stealing ass
Kool-aid Man: unstoppable escape power with impervious pitcher to shelter in
Chester Cheetah: Claws, fangs, and speed for dynamic fleeing
Chef Boyardee: Italian Mobster, so MANY guns, made men, and connections.
The King: access to an entire kingdom's powers and definitely has blood on his own hands
I'm going with the all-human team:
* Chef Boyardee and Colonel Sanders: both started successful businesses during the Depression, so you know they're tough, ruthless, and resourceful. Also the Colonel legit shot a dude.
* Ronald and Wendy: never go up against a redhead when death is on the line
Aiming for pure insanity-powered rage strength, I’m going with Jack (definitely capable of Saw-esque stuff), Charlie Cheetoh (what goes on in that brain is scary), the Noid (I think that’s who that is? Very much on the Joker-spectrum), and Tootsie Pop Owl (beak strength + likes to bite).
Koolaid Man - No fortification can stop him, better to have him on my side
Ronald McDonald - I’ve read Dr. McNinja, I’m not chancing it.
Burger King - Unparalleled stealth and infiltration capabilities
Jolly Green Giant - physically the largest, strength optimized by healthy lifestyle
Mr Peanut is clearly part of MI6 so him.
The Noid because he's a good distraction.
Jack in the Box is clearly a Psycho Killer
Pillsbury just because I had a toy Doughboy as a kid & he made me feel safe...
Ronald McDonald because he has a team with diverse skills.
Chef Boyardee because I love Italian food.
Colonel Sanders for that military experience.
Little Caesar because he's Caesar.
What about protracted warfare? So, yeah JGG: big, Midwest homeland patriot. But Owl for air superiority, weapons development & spycraft, cheetah for speedy deployment, & Caesar: battlefield leadership & logistics—weapons/provisions ready, & army runs on its stomach!
Jolly Green Giant has the sheer size advantage.
The Noid has killed before and he will not hesitate to do it again.
Sanders has military experience, I would trust his tactical judgement.
The King would fill the role of an assassin, he had that Sneak King game he's a stealthy little freak.
The Giant is the most formidable physical threat. Col. Sanders is packing heat, you can’t tell me otherwise. Little Caesar has that Roman military knowledge, and the only evident weapon. The Noid, I mean, check the real history of Mr. Noid. I don’t want him on the other side.
For a fight you gotta pick the green giant for size, chester cheetah for sneakiness , kool-aid for brute strength and the noid for unpredictability and annoyance
Big Boy and Jolly Green Giant are obviously OP, The Noid was almost responsible for actual murder, and the Kool Ade Man is obviously physically indestructible.
JGG seems queer coded to me (boots, really short tunic, plus isn't "jolly" just a synonym for "gay"). So not sure how great they would be in actual combat.
the green giant, the noid, kool-aid man, and jack in the box. green giant's a giant. noid's got gadgets. kool-aid man can burst through bricks. jack is buff. i think this is the most OP team.
-Jolly Green for his size-advantage.
-Jack for his fighting experience.
-Noid for that "wild card" unpredictability.
-And Kool-Aid for surprise attacks.
Green Giant, Kool-Aid man, Bob's Big Boy (all for size and strength) and whatever the hell that ice cream cone clown thing is below Kool-Aid man because if I saw that thing chasing me I'd drop dead right on the spot.
Jolly Green for size. Col. Sanders for Military experience. The Burger King and Ronald McDonald because of their experience commanding the militaries of their homelands, and possibly use of said militaries.
Ronald McDonald, Green Giant, and the Noid are already enough to ice these maniacs. So I'm adding Pilsbury just for the fun of it. We're salting the earth where Mr. Peanut falls.
Kool-Aid Man: Counters most of the list just by being both an ambush predator and a friggin' tank, but in particular he hard counters biggun's like Jolly Green Giant and Big Boy. When your ankle alone is the size of a wall, ain't nuthin' stopping the KAM from bustin' through.
Wendy: The down and dirty fighter, countering all the stand-up fighters like Ronald and the Colonel. Strength, speed, range, none of it matters when your opponent already has the perfect withering counterattack set up and aimed at the back of your head.
Burger King: When the other sneaky characters aim for the crown they best not miss, because there's only one true Sneak King. Jack Box merely adopted the Dark. Burger King was born in it, molded by it. They'll just be setting up their attack while he's already behind them, leaning to one side.
Mr. Owl: And finally, if there's anyone else the rest of my crew can't take down, Mr. Owl will easily mop 'em up. His opponents might think they have a chance, but no, it's just one, two-hoo, thu-ree, then a sudden CRUNCH followed by a chilling silence.
in contrast to everyone choosing what would be best i think the WORST choices would be mr peanut, dough boy, the owl, and noid. while mr peanut has the finances to have a mob protect you, he and dough boy can be crushed in an instant. the owl will try to solve things by licking them probably.
the Noid is here because while hes a chaotic wild card i do think is abilities would depend on who hes synergizing with. theres a good chance he gets distracted and just makes peanut flavoured puff pastry with the remains of the peanut and the dough boy. im open to being proved wrong tho!
This post not having alt text is what clued me in that bsky again updated and toggled off the "require alt text" option, because this account is so good about alt text.
Jolly Green Giant for size and strength, the owl for planning ability and aerial reconnaissance, Little Caesar because he's the only one with a weapon, and I don't want the Noid's chaos working against me so he needs to be on my side
Colonel Sanders because he has a gun, has killed before and very well could kill again. The Green Giant because he's a fuckin' giant, same with Big Boy, and the Kool Aid man because he's the most capable of busting down walls of the remaining ones, and I'd prefer to have their security.
Kool aid, Frisch's, Green Giant cuz they're all massive and strong enough to blast thru walls. Finally pick gonna be the Noid cuz that mf is basically a terrorist, he probably got bombs
Kool-Aid Man only because he can NOT be on the opposing team. No, he's probably not the best for defense but it would be game over if he was offense.
Jolly Green Giant obviously and The King for stealth, and The Noid for pure intimidation for those that know their history.
The first 2 are easy - Kool Aid Man can go through matter and the Jolly Green Giant is ginormous. For the 3rd I’m going with the Burger King because his appearance will freeze my pursuers in their tracks, making it easy for the first 2 to dispatch them.
Little Caesar since he has a weapon, The Noid because he's my boy and I'm obligated, The Colonel because he's just too versatile to not have on my side, and Green Giant because I need a sizable ally. I think I just win.
Kool-Aid Man is basically Hulk. Green Giant is... a giant, also green so basically a bigger Hulk. You got two Hulks. Burger King for stealth kills and that rat from Chuck E. Cheese cus just look at him.
I love the inclusion of the Jolly Green Giant like it's even a question. Look at the scale here. The entire roster combined wouldn't stand a chance against this 50-ft twunk
I feel like I could kick the Pillsbury Dough Boy across the room. So not picking him for my team. My team is The Noid, Jolly Green Giant, Little Caesar Guy (at least he has a weapon), and Chester. The Noid is too crazy to have to fight against lol.
Well I worked at the same Wendy's 4 times as a kid so that's an old contact. Wendy and the Colonel are already allied so I agree with everyone else he's obviously the leader of the Op. Jolly Green Giant and Little Ceaser for their tactical/pizza skills and loyalty.
The others? Ronald and Jack are actual clowns; Chef and Sanders are old and have cholesterol problems; Wendy is a child; Burger King can't see through his mask; the Noid is canonically always f-ing things up; Mr. Peanut is a dandy and won't get hands dirty; Popin' Fresh will squish; 1/2
Id have to go with Jack inThe Box bc he is probably the most dangerous one of them all
The koolaid man because his wall busting ability is anomalous and im pretty sure if i drink him i will gain his life force
The King - no notes
And the Giant. Because big.
Kinetic solutions solve everyone else.
There's one guy with an actual weapon, so I'll take Little Caesar. The Jolly Green Giant is obvious. The Burger King can call upon loyal levees. Finally, Col. Sanders. You know he's killed. You can tell by how he dresses. Also, he was involved in a shootout, and won.
Completely misread the post, so let's try again.
Chuck E. because I don't need that guy coming after me.
Jolly Green Giant because he can take them all, probably.
Chester Cheetah because he's crazy fast and gets powers from Cheetos
Noid to sacrifice if it all goes to shit and I need to run away.
Bob’s Big Boy - size, strength, crazy eyes, and evidently in a pinch can be used for escape (a la Austin Powers)
Tootsie Pop owl - clearly well read, I’m sure could strategize well, excellent for air support
Chester Cheetah - speed and stealth attacks
Little Caesar - armed already
Ronald: For the McDonald Vault to prepare for the impending attack.
Green Giant: Watchtower/lookout and a deterrent.
The Colonel: Will supply us with used fry oil for the diesel in our bunker.
Little Caesar dude: He has a spear.
Green Giant and Big Boy (big enough to step on most of the field). Kool-Aid Man to break down walls and secure an escape route. The King... listen I just don't want to have to fight that bastard, ok? maybe he can creep the attackers out idk
I'm taking Kool-Aid because he can bust open a wall if you need a quick escape, Colonel Sanders bc the guy knew how to use a gun irl, Jolly Green Giant bc who's gonna mess with that guy & little Caesar bc the owner paid for Rosa Parks' apartment in Detroit for the last decade of her life. Respect
The real question is which Big Boy are we talking about? Bob's Big Boy (California) is honorable but Frisch's (Ohio), Kip's (Texas), Elias Brothers (Detroit) and Azar's Big Boy (Indiana) are all potentially treacherous.
Jack in the Box is the Rohrshach of the group, who will do anything to anybody with a clinical sense of detachment no matter how depraved. Kool-Aid Man is the muscle, a fucking juggernaut* of unstoppable will. Unbeatable with just those two.
the Jolly Green Giant is an actual giant
Burger King is a stealth assassin
the Noid caused mayhem in real life
and everyone knows how dangerous animatronic pizza store mascots are so I'll round out the team with Charles Entertainment Cheese
Clearly the Imminent Threat of the Jolly Green Giant is an asset, Jack has a box of unknown contents, that's a plus. Wendy has some sass, gotta have her on the team. The Noid, absolutely. Chaos and mayhem without a Clearly motive is hard to counter.
To protect me, im going Green Giant, Chester Cheetah, the Noid, and the Tootsie Owl. The cheetah and giant are self explanatory. The owl can see at night, and the Doughboy and Mr Peanut have NO shot against that. The Noid is my wild card.
okay uhhh kool-aid man since like. he has way too much overpowered shit for me to not want have him to fight me, jack box since well, he is a bit masochistic, chester because well, it's chester, and the noid because he has like, a shit-ton of stupid gadgets and is literally a wizard
The three obvious ones are the Kool Aid Man, Jack in the Box (aka Jigsaw), and the Noid (you don’t want to know). Tough call for #4 between Ronald, The King, and Chuck.
Jolly Green Giant (he's a giant), Chester Cheetah (dangerous and cheesy), Little Caesar (can stab you with his spear and burn you with pizza sauce at the same time), and Colonel Sanders (military background). With those on my side, I don't fear any of the rest of them except for Jack.
For my protection:
Jolly Green Giant: obvious choice, since no one wants to be on his bad side.
Kool aid man: the rubble left in his wake is legendary.
Chester cheetah: come on man, he’s a cheetah, bro can fight.
Noid: you gotta keep the crazy one’s your side.
Chester Cheetah (because he's a goddamned CHEETAH), The Colonel (military man!), The Burger King (it's good to be the King) & The Jolly Green Giant (he's got the might).
Chester Cheetah and Jack both have, like, plot armor. If I'm against them, it doesn't matter, things are not going my way. So I'm grabbing both of them. Green Giant doesn't seem like he'll protect me much, but I don't want him trying to kill me. So I guess it's up to Kool-Aid Man to actually save me
Ronald because deep down all clowns are sadistic murderers- best to have one on your team.
Wendy because crazy red heads are a real thing in my experience and I’d rather have one on my side than against me.
JGG cause he’s big.
Chef Boyardee for the mob connections.
Mr. Peanut can reincarnate himself (possibly immortal?)
Noid can prolly come up with some wack ass traps
Jolly Green Giant is just Ultraman
And finally, Colonel Sanders because I trust him
Mr. Peanut being a wealthy aristocrat can pay private security to kill the rest so anything else is gravy. Just to shore up the numbers along those same lines I think
Jack Box
Colonel Sanders
And The Burger King are all of the wealthiest.
Green Giant & Kool Aid man can probably handle things pretty well. I will also take Chester Cheetah as my wildcard Speed/Trickster guy. Will also take Jack because he most definitely has a gun.
The Noid, because he has killed and will kill again
Green Giant for being, uh, giant
Kool-Aid Man, since blasting through walls seems helpful
Wendy, she’d sass everyone to death
Kool-aid man (floods to protect), Colonel (you know he has an arsenal), green giant (he got reach and sight advantage) and Mr peanut (the wealth and privilege )
Kool-Aid Man: a juggernaut who can break down walls, and his body of glass contains a gelatinous cube yearning to get out.
Green Giant and his ginormous asparagus spear.
The Noid: chaos agent.
Mr Peanut: you know a sword is concealed in that cane.
The King: amoral, has killed and will kill again
Colonel: knows how to shoot guns, access to horses
Kool Aid Man: facilitate escape through building walls, is probably bulletproof
Boyardee: Mobbed tf up, plus Clevelanders go hard
Jack is magical so I’m taking him, kool-aid man is a tank so he’s on the team, the king is stealthy so he’s on the roster and Ronald can lead the team like Captain America. Boom
Kool Aid Man - raw power
Chester Cheetah - mofo is crazy and don’t give a shit
JGG - my dude is giant and swol af
Little Caesar - experienced, has spear
Going with Jolly Green for raw big.
Jack, because that guy is scary merciless.
Noid for persistent wacky mayhem.
Burger King, so I may request asylum in his kingdom.
Contrariwise, Ronald, Wendy, the Colonel, and Ettore Boiardi are just regular humans.
Little Caesar has a spear but is small.
Charles E. Cheese may be a secret Terminator, but he's just a musician.
Mr Peanut and Doughboy are both small and no particular physical threat.
Bob isn't THAT big.
The owl might be an issue, flight and talons, and could coordinate with the small opponents.
The secret weapon is Jack. He's a cutthroat CEO and very mission focused. He literally blew up his board of directors. He has resources and isn't afraid to get his hands dirty.
Col Sanders is the only one here who used to get into actual gunfights. Kool Aid Man breaks walls. Little Caesar carries a spear. BK King is just terrifying.
Comments
Jolly green Giant
The Noid
Chester Cheeto.
Let the battle begin
Kool-aid Man: DPS with a hint of sniper, plus is inanimate and thus cannot feel pain
The Noid: distraction/all-arounder, constant source of chaos/small but effective hits
Chester Chettah: support, but can deal damage in a pinch
Jolly Green Giant
Chester
The Noid
We’ll take on the rest with ease
Pillsbury Dough Boy (ghost busters giant style)
Colonel Sanders (war criminal)
Kool-Aid Man (glass stronger than brick)
I might be able to be persuaded to replace K-AM with Caesar for similar war crimes reasons as Colonel Sanders
CS- leader, tactician
LC- efficient and convenient, shows up when you need him most
CC- fast AF
The Noid- uncontrollable chaos
The Jolly Green Giant - a giant
Big Boy - a second giant
Col. Sanders - I figured he can handle a firearm
Green Giant: he's a freaking big giant.
Burger King: creepy, has sneaks.
The Noid: likely criminally insane and most homicidal.
I believe that team would be the best choice as the others aren't nearly as dangerous IMO.
Jack - gazillionaire CEO, resources galore
Ronald McDonald - extensive contacts, worldwide empire
Chester Cheetah - gadgets and weapons, has a killer's instinct
The Noid: he is batshit crazy and I want that on my side.
Kool-Ade man: made of glass he busts through walls, so he seems pretty indestructible.
Mr Peanut: maybe a "Kingsmen" thing going on? Plus, some of the others might be allergic to him.
Chuck E. Cheese because you know that rat will stab a mother fucker
Chester cheetah for speed
Kool aid man for the fuck it lets go energy and he busts down walls
Golly Green Giant
Animatronic Chuck Entertainment Cheese
Ronald
Kool Aid Man(powerhouse)
Ronald McDonald(has actual magic)
Col. Sanders (don't let his warm demeanor fool you. He kills chickens)
Wendy (Redheads are dangerous. 'Nuff said)
Green Giant (He ain't another certain green-skinned behemoth, but he'll do)
Burger King - stealth specialist
Colonel Sanders - military experience
Green Giant - the muscle (there are are other contenders in the strength category, but I feel he's the most stablr and reliable)
Jack - would've picked him for his versatility if we didn't have this many spots to make a team
Little Caesar - he's got the spear, but his stature limits him
Ronald - the biggest threat, raid boss material
Jolly Green Giant is a giant made from plants and can regenerate from anything. Plus he can animate & control plants like Poison Ivy.
Chester Cheetah is an unstoppable ball of savage energy.
The King is inescapable.
2. kool aid man
3. Jack in the box - see @cataribartok.bsky.social comment
4. colonel sanders as a military strategist
Green Giant — he’s a giant
Mr. Peanut — oligarch-level resources
Col. Sanders — a cold, dark moral vacuum birthed in the bowels of the Old South. He’ll get the job done then serve up a chicken dinner over the carnage.
Ronald McDonald - access to incredible resources
The Colonel - wisdom of age/experience
Jack in the Box - seems like he gets things done, don't want him as my enemy
jack
the noid
the cool-aid man
realistically, the green giant’s all you need. very likely he’s a pacifist who’ll refuse to fight others, and he can pick you up and put you on his shoulder so no one bothers you except the owl.
buuut if he’s not as much of a pacifist…
Kool Aid Man - Can smash walls
Jolly Green Giant - Big, stompy
Mr. Peanut - Generational wealth, can probably afford to hire a lot of mercenaries
Don't you remember what he did to that Lolipop? That's a killer
Col. Sanders - Has killed. Will kill again!
Jolly Green Giant - Size & strength
Kool-Aid Man - No wall can stop him.
Dream Team.
Green Giant for muscle
Budget King for stealth missions
Chester Cheetah to do recon
Damn autocorrect
Ronald McD is clearly an evil genius clown, a real Joker type
The Noid obviously has some incredible reality-warping powers
I don’t think the rest are dangerous at all
Col Sanders: strategist, an actual military officer
Charles Entertainment Cheese: bard, has an army of robotic bandmate warriors
Little Caesar: come on, dude has a spear, he's literally the only one of these mascots carrying a weapon
I dunno, I bet JGG has a long stick he could impale me with… 😏
Chester Cheetah: Claws, fangs, and speed for dynamic fleeing
Chef Boyardee: Italian Mobster, so MANY guns, made men, and connections.
The King: access to an entire kingdom's powers and definitely has blood on his own hands
That girl is dangerous
* Chef Boyardee and Colonel Sanders: both started successful businesses during the Depression, so you know they're tough, ruthless, and resourceful. Also the Colonel legit shot a dude.
* Ronald and Wendy: never go up against a redhead when death is on the line
Koolaid man shows up anytime anywhere to break walls, he can join
Chester is cool
Ronald can provide the capital, and I could use the chance to grill him for his support of genocide etc
They've all got the aura of having done unspeakable things in their past; Rambo, all of them.
Jolly for recon, defense, and access to healthy vegetables (see previous).
Chester for full-on chaos energy and cool factor (youth recruitment).
Chuck for the SICK crash pad (but avoid the pizza).
Ronald McDonald - I’ve read Dr. McNinja, I’m not chancing it.
Burger King - Unparalleled stealth and infiltration capabilities
Jolly Green Giant - physically the largest, strength optimized by healthy lifestyle
Kool-Aid man (can break through walls)
Little Caesar (has a weapon)
Jolly Green Giant (size and strength)
Big Boy (tray can be a shield)
Colonel Sanders already killed someone in self-defense.
Little Caesar has a spear.
A cheetah is pretty fierce.
The Noid because he's a good distraction.
Jack in the Box is clearly a Psycho Killer
Pillsbury just because I had a toy Doughboy as a kid & he made me feel safe...
Kool-Aid Man, Burger King, Colonel Sanders, Wendy.
Plus id enjoy killing some of the others in a fight.
Kool Aid man and Jolly Green Giant are the tanks. The King would be for recon and sneaking around. The Noid? He's too chaotic to be out to get me.
Kool-aid Man (the muscle)
Burger King (psychological warfare expert)
Mr. Peanut (financial)
Chef Boyardee because I love Italian food.
Colonel Sanders for that military experience.
Little Caesar because he's Caesar.
Jolly Green Giant
Kool Aid Man
Charles Executioner Cheese
Bwahahahahahahahaha!
Chester Cheetah- He's a cool guy just as long as you don't give him a bag of Cheetos
Little Caesars- I like their Pizza
The Noid- He's a Wild Card like he's so unpredictable you won't know what he will do
Chester Cheetah
The King
And the Noid cuz you know he’d be fucking crazy
Kool-Aid Man • That pitcher of sweetness is a God tier magician, do not fuck with him
Green Giant • He’s big and likely friends with Paul Bunyan & Babe the Blue Ox
The Noid • gotta have a Wildcard
The Noid has killed before and he will not hesitate to do it again.
Sanders has military experience, I would trust his tactical judgement.
The King would fill the role of an assassin, he had that Sneak King game he's a stealthy little freak.
Burger King (stealth)
Lil Caesar (he's armed)
Noid (scared of him, I don't wanna fight him)
Green Giant
Kool, obvs
And the Cheetah
Noid because he's Noid.
Jack can summon an army.
Jolly Green Giant can curb stomp the rest.
And given what Kool aid Man can do to a brick wall, I'd say that rounds out the fairly obvious 4 choices.
Jolly Green Giant: giant
Big Boy: big, also terrifying
Mr. Peanut: appears rich, so group financing
Jolly Green Giant because very very big
Chester Cheetah because Domino levels of luck
The Noid because I don’t want that chaos energy on the other side
-Jack for his fighting experience.
-Noid for that "wild card" unpredictability.
-And Kool-Aid for surprise attacks.
Chester and Jolly are gonna be a problem though
The Noid (insane and unkillable?)
The King (He can sneak up on anyone)
Chester Cheetah (Can charm his way anywhere)
Wendy
The Jolly Green Giant
The Noid
Jolly Green Giant obviously and The King for stealth, and The Noid for pure intimidation for those that know their history.
Kool-Aid Man
Jack (in the Box)
Chef Boyardee
Green Giant, Kool-aid Man, and Big Boy are pretty much unstoppable size-wise, and add Chester Cheetah for speed and literal claws and fangs.
The koolaid man because his wall busting ability is anomalous and im pretty sure if i drink him i will gain his life force
The King - no notes
And the Giant. Because big.
Kinetic solutions solve everyone else.
I will kill the owl first. He is worse even than colonel sanders. A true monster.
Chuck E. because I don't need that guy coming after me.
Jolly Green Giant because he can take them all, probably.
Chester Cheetah because he's crazy fast and gets powers from Cheetos
Noid to sacrifice if it all goes to shit and I need to run away.
Tootsie Pop owl - clearly well read, I’m sure could strategize well, excellent for air support
Chester Cheetah - speed and stealth attacks
Little Caesar - armed already
Ronald McDonald - Eldritch clown powers
Little Caesar - proven military genius, as shown during the Gallic Wars
Jolly Green Giant - is a giant
Yes, kids, we could entertain ourselves before the internet.
Green Giant: Watchtower/lookout and a deterrent.
The Colonel: Will supply us with used fry oil for the diesel in our bunker.
Little Caesar dude: He has a spear.
(No, really!)
In addition to him, Kool Aid Man and Green Giant for muscle, Little Ceaser for tactical acumen.
* "jug" get it
Burger King is a stealth assassin
the Noid caused mayhem in real life
and everyone knows how dangerous animatronic pizza store mascots are so I'll round out the team with Charles Entertainment Cheese
jgg isn’t menacing, but he’ll probably accidentally step on a few, so it works out
King because he can sneak attack.
Jolly Green Giant because giant.
And Jack in the Box because I'd rather have that cold dead stare on my side rather than have to face it in combat.
Jolly Green Giant: obvious choice, since no one wants to be on his bad side.
Kool aid man: the rubble left in his wake is legendary.
Chester cheetah: come on man, he’s a cheetah, bro can fight.
Noid: you gotta keep the crazy one’s your side.
I wouldn't want to be on Wendy's list, and the King scares me
Jolly Green
The Noid
Mr. Peanut
Wendy because crazy red heads are a real thing in my experience and I’d rather have one on my side than against me.
JGG cause he’s big.
Chef Boyardee for the mob connections.
Noid can prolly come up with some wack ass traps
Jolly Green Giant is just Ultraman
And finally, Colonel Sanders because I trust him
Jolly Green Giant can step on people like Godzilla.
Little Caesar is the only one with an actual weapon (spear).
Mr. Peanut dresses like an old school capitalist, signaling wealth, which can be used to buy mercenaries & defenses.
Jack Box
Colonel Sanders
And The Burger King are all of the wealthiest.
Colonel was an honorary title so Sanders is no good. Noid is his own worst enemy. Only real concern is Kool-Aid Man because he can breach walls
Chester - big cat, can fuck you up
Green Giant - Giant
Caesar - an accomplished warrior
That is all.
Green Giant for his size.
Little Ceasar for his spear.
The Noid for a distraction.
Green Giant for being, uh, giant
Kool-Aid Man, since blasting through walls seems helpful
Wendy, she’d sass everyone to death
They do what has to be done.
Green Giant and his ginormous asparagus spear.
The Noid: chaos agent.
Mr Peanut: you know a sword is concealed in that cane.
https://bsky.app/profile/petegain.es/post/3lpjlwigrj22d
Colonel: knows how to shoot guns, access to horses
Kool Aid Man: facilitate escape through building walls, is probably bulletproof
Boyardee: Mobbed tf up, plus Clevelanders go hard
Nothing can stop The Noid.
He is a god amongst men.
The Sneak King because no one sees him coming til it's too late.
The Noid because he's a deranged cartoon character, those are always dangerous.
Wendy because her social account alone will demoralize half of the attacking army at minimum.
Chester Cheetah - mofo is crazy and don’t give a shit
JGG - my dude is giant and swol af
Little Caesar - experienced, has spear
Jack, because that guy is scary merciless.
Noid for persistent wacky mayhem.
Burger King, so I may request asylum in his kingdom.
Little Caesar has a spear but is small.
Charles E. Cheese may be a secret Terminator, but he's just a musician.
Mr Peanut and Doughboy are both small and no particular physical threat.
Bob isn't THAT big.
The secret weapon is Jack. He's a cutthroat CEO and very mission focused. He literally blew up his board of directors. He has resources and isn't afraid to get his hands dirty.