My therapist recently found out that I've spent roughly ten years being yelled at by strangers on the internet and I've had a pretty hard time convincing her that it's fine.
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All you have to do is never look at comments. I started doing that back when I was on Twitter. Even if Jesus made a comment, I wouldn't know anything about it. It takes a little bit of discipline but after a while you never hear from trolls ever again.
With all due respect, how has your therapist avoided asking what you do for a living? Also, has she authentically never heard of you or your work before? I get avoiding preconception and bias, but she's approaching Jury levels of unaware.
The things we discover about ourselves in therapy are amazing! My therapist told me I am a crazy control freak and being out of control produces tremendous anxiety… Really? Lol!
How long / how large an audience did it take for you to learn to tune out that ubiquitous background noise of entitled complaints? I know it's never 100% but there's still a learned skill there
Sadly in these times it looks like it needs more telling about how fascism - be it 1933 German Reich or 2025 USA - always has dealt with independent serious science - declare it as enemy & try to silence it for the masses who get flooded with hatred+lies!
You are an epic person who has shaped multiple generations of people on the internet. You and John have literally helped me to continue living. I hope you have more good internet interactions in the future.
I don’t think I have yelled at you yet. So how about some hugs & kisses, good vibes, happy thoughts and whatever else will to make it easier to convince her your good.
We are all fragile, but also strong.
Have a good week.
Tell her that if it really bothered you, you would not stay on the internet. What someone says is telling you more about them than they are telling about you.
There was a disturbance in The Force as if millions of voices cried out and were suddenly silenced. Was it a planet being destroyed? No, it was Hank Green saying, "It's fine."
It sounds like either she’s more worried about it than you are, or you’re subconsciously more worried about it than you think, and she picked up on that. But which is it? 🤔
I deleted my Facebook account, way WAY too late, but better late than never. I stopped using Twitter long before it was bought and I’ve never used Tic-Tok. Bluesky is the only one I use. I wasted so much time on something that was toxic for me. El Stupido Grande. I used to be a news “junkie” too.
I do hope you are okay. Specifically in this crazy time where we have lunatics who believe people are demons (like babies believe in Santa Clause) and want to use “feelings” over facts. I appreciate you, Hank Green.
She DOES know that for decades you have also had strangers telling you how awesome you are and that may be artificially inflating your self-esteem? I'm no therapist but I'd say that evens things out. The truth is probably somewhere in the middle. You're very okay, Hank Green. =)
And today we found out your therapist has apparently never used the internet, because who the hell wouldn't know that if they were online for a few minutes.
I love the internet, but sometimes I think humans were just not meant to have to deal with the opinions of almost every other person with access to a computer.
If I didn't think it would make getting yelled at even worse I'd ask you publicly how you cope with getting yelled at by strangers on the internet for ten years. But I suspect said strangers smell blood...
generally speaking, explaining Online to people Not Online (i mean, REALLY Online, not just Insta snaps and email and shopping and shit) can be...daunting, I find
especially to Boomers who still don't really grok any of this shit (hi momndad)
Just adding on to the other comments, therapists aren't supposed to have any pre-conceived notions about their clients, to the point where most won't accept you as a client if you're a friend or family member of another client. They need to be objective and not think about what your friend said.
We therapists work hard to be informed by the person in our office and what they choose to bring into the room. We are ethically prohibited from researching or Google’ing (FB/Insta stalking, etc.). That’s not clueless, that’s intentionality.
there are multiple reasons I don't post under my real name, including some essay type writings I might in other circumstances like to claim credit for.
I feel like Hank is kinda one of those people who would show up without even looking him up. I've run into him all over the Internet in random and obscure ways over the years without every seeking him out myself. Even here, he just showed up in my feed... wait. Hank may control the Internet... 😂
And I would also say, personal tastes and media consumption habits. I’m not sure my teenaged niblings know who Hank is. They’re not particularly into science, or Helen Hunt.
I like my suddenly developed conspiracy theory that Hank is secretly some kind of being beyond comprehension that lurks inside the Internet and controls it.
I’m a huge podcast fiend. I noted that a lot of celebrities mentioned not reading comments about themselves. I’ve adopted the same policy on toxic platforms. Not this one. I don’t care what strangers think, anyway. I don’t know them. I read replies here.
I can only recommend “block” function. It does wonders but you have to come to an understanding that you do not have to “win” every argument online. You wouldn’t argue with a lunatic dressed in nothing but a bathrobe who’s yelling at the traffic so why do it online? It is my rule and it works.
It's probably not, particularly over a long period of growth. Even if you handle it well, it's something you're having to handle for a long time, which is sort of definitionally stressful.
I'm sorry you've experienced that. I'd like to provide a little counter-balance by saying that your videos were invaluable resources for my teaching of earth science, biology and AP Biology. From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU!
I stopped going to therapy because they told me to do the most negative thing in my life. They told me to stop smoking pot. "Sorry, Bob, this will be our last session. I don't need this type of negative energy in my life."
But I follow the What About Bob? method when it comes to people. "I treat people like they're telephones. If I meet somebody who I don't think likes me, I just say to myself,'Bob, this one's temporarily out-of-order. Don't break the connection. Just hang up and try again."
Never seen a more perfect example of the frog in slowly boiling water than this. Just because a behavior is common doesn't mean it's 'okay' nor 'good'. You might have come to your own peace with it but thats just a coping mechanism for awful behavior.
She's right you know. Be more like Siobhan, turn off comments, don't accept DMs. It's not fine for weird little guys to berate and belittle you, so don't let them.
It's wild that I can clearly hear this post in your voice.
But also yeah, it's at least worth spending some time exploring with a therapist. The same defenses that make it feel fine can cover up that to some extent it might not be completely fine.
As an anthropologist I can’t convince people to share my concern about the known and unknown sequelae of taking a brain evolved to experience *occassional* public shaming in front of a group of *25-100 people* and exposing it to a novel environment with *constant* shaming in front of *thousands*
You want a outstanding
Scrabble word: uvula ( that’s the hangy-down thing in the back of your oral cavity that cause the gag reflex . Its job is to keep you from eating things bigger than your head.
Because the sensory nerves in your mouth/tongue don’t recognized size, just temp and flavors
Honestly that it is the sweetest and funniest thing. What our therapists don’t know about us 🫢 It is usually the thing we take for granted about ourselves ❤️
Hitchen's razor my friend. Sure people can spout all the nonsense they want on the internet, but if it's not a valid criticism they can be dismissed as inconsequential.
If I'm wrong and someone points it out and explains, then I win because I learned something.
That's because it's not fine, Hank. I know that someone in your position has had to navigate the complexities of being a public figure with lots of fans, including all the negative attention it can bring, even when it's thoroughly unwarranted.
While my online audience is nowhere as large as yours, I got a taste of it during my tenure at NPR. On the one hand it's flattering and occasionally awkward to have fans responding to everything, but that always comes with a real flip side - people who feel the need to criticize or harass you.
For a while I took it personally, and then I pretended I could just ignore it without affecting me. It took me a few years to recognize how much it was affecting me. Fortunately therapy and a strong support network made a huge difference in the long run.
So don't feel the need to convince your therapist that it's fine, even if you're at peace with being on the receiving end of unsolicited negativity. You may be handling it fine, but there's nothing normal about the parasocial dynamics associated with it.
I'm glad to hear you have a therapist you can discuss this with. Let them play devil's advocate and discuss how it might not be so fine. At least that way you can think about the ways you may not be fully processing it, as well as better understand your own coping mechanisms and why they help.
Sure, entirely possible. I just take this issue very seriously given the impact it had on me, including my own previous efforts to joke away how serious the situation actually was.
I understand this completely, and I have absolutely no reach on any platform! As much as I hold myself to my conviction, and want to contribute to genuine discourse about things I feel strongly about, I'm trying to remind myself that more often than not it isn't worth trying.
At least not in any platforms than bluesky, which I'm very new to. I appreciate that this isn't an environment where you see people with ulterior motives.
I hate instigators. They do get to me, as much as people tell me that they shouldn't.
Because I've had serious issues in the past dealing with abuse, harassment, and bullying, which I'm working out in therapy, those gut reactions definitely linger when random, unsolicited troll replies come to insult me personally. These people get their rocks off thinking they made someone feel bad.
I love this site as opposed to X. I can relieve my angst instead of becoming angry. I hate stupid people and had a hard time stopping myself pointing out to magats exactly how stupid they are. But they are magats and their comprehension is limited. Here, every time we get a vocal maget, we block.
I've told people Trump has taken ten years off my life.
They ask, 'why do you LET it do that?'.
'Because there is NO alternative' is my reply.
I cannot bury my head in the sand.
But there IS a cost.
I hope you are taking care of yourself as much as one can.
When I was a journalist I had a “wall of hate” in my office that were printed-out screenshots and comments of vitriolic criticism.
I found it motivating. They couldn’t dispute the facts, so they had to settle for just being rude: An endorsement of my work, and their investment in it.
I've been arguing on the internet virtually my whole life, and I totally get you. We'll be having an interesting debate and making salient points back and forth, and then I'll present some additional argument that they don't have an answer for — and they just keyboard-smash at me out of nowhere!
It's very satisfying. It's like playing a chess game and making a clever move, and then the other player flips the board and storms away, proving you won.
For me, getting yelled at on the internet is nothing at all. I 1000% do not care.
But god forbid someone yell at me in real life. I cannot tolerate someone's bad temper. I'd cut my best friend off for getting snippy with me. (I myself basically never get angry.)
no…it is not…the internet is made up of enhanced storytelling beyond normal parameters…it is real life to those with first-hand knowledge…an incredible tool…
So if your best friend was in a bad mood for good reason and needed support, and was being a bit snippy because of it, you'd cut them off? That.. doesn't seem right 😕
When my friends need support, I will *always* make time to be there for them, listen to their problems, and help them however I can. I'm on their side for as long as they need me there.
But they can't turn and intimidate me. I would never scare a friend like that; that's a big line to cross.
Thankfully, this problem has never come up between me and any of my friends, except for one — an ex-boyfriend who was always snapping at me and making me cry — which is why I established this hard boundary. I don't deserve to be treated like that.
Ooooh, so you don't mean snipping as in just being short or irritable, you mean when you're being shouted at? If you have a delicate constitution then it makes sense to avoid emotionally charged people. If your ex was just nasty to you for no reason, then I'm glad you're in a safer place now
I may not be famous but I am a furry, so I know that ten years of being yelled at by strangers on the internet will wear you down a little. Take care of yourself I guess?
Comments
Might boost engagement.
🤬😠😤😡
you or your therapist?
...on a scale,
like trump versus kamala
https://youtu.be/pGEFB6|GOyo?si=dG-xcp6jObCSO5Ww
Sadly in these times it looks like it needs more telling about how fascism - be it 1933 German Reich or 2025 USA - always has dealt with independent serious science - declare it as enemy & try to silence it for the masses who get flooded with hatred+lies!
"No! Not fine! Strongly disagree!"
Surely this does not trigger any witty response nor justification of the behavior because getting yelled at by strangers on the internet is fine
We are all fragile, but also strong.
Have a good week.
you are HANK STRONG!
We understand the internet.
.. why not both ..
.
YOU'RE OK. FUCKWIT!
I do listen for any real substance & adjust if needed. Not changing my own stance most times, but being more accepting of how others see things.
IF my family gets into it like folks do here, it's not as easy to hold the boundaries. It hurts.
i hope that less ppl yell at you online in the future…and your therapist should be skeptical that it’s okay!
😹😹
as opposed to
"That Guy" (neg)
THANK YOU!
(Srsly, You are. You your brother and your whole team. <3)
2)…Did she not know you’re famous on the internet?
especially to Boomers who still don't really grok any of this shit (hi momndad)
Staying in what we call a “not-knowing position” helps me not get distracted from what’s important to the client.
If you told me you were internet famous I’d assume that’s important to you, but I won’t assume it’s a problem.
how can you help people if you have no frame of reference or don't have a clue what is going on in the world
most of you can't be trusted
And I would also say, personal tastes and media consumption habits. I’m not sure my teenaged niblings know who Hank is. They’re not particularly into science, or Helen Hunt.
We're on to you, HANK.
(*SALUTE!*)
Take breaks, drink water, & vibe with the neurodivergent if you get overwhelmed.
It's peaceful here, & we have cookies.
Me: no dummy
Me on the internet: egh it is what it is
But also yeah, it's at least worth spending some time exploring with a therapist. The same defenses that make it feel fine can cover up that to some extent it might not be completely fine.
She is fine with blue sky—she’s on it too!
Now she is trying to make me stop watching news…🤭
Scrabble word: uvula ( that’s the hangy-down thing in the back of your oral cavity that cause the gag reflex . Its job is to keep you from eating things bigger than your head.
Because the sensory nerves in your mouth/tongue don’t recognized size, just temp and flavors
If I'm wrong and someone points it out and explains, then I win because I learned something.
(Apologies in advance for the unsolicited thread)
I hate instigators. They do get to me, as much as people tell me that they shouldn't.
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:oyh5raruw5tz347sh5d7tswz/lists/3li54ewsgqv2b
I mean... Yeah, I get that.
After you reach a certain size on YouTube, you just can't read the comments. The toxicity will rot your brain.
They ask, 'why do you LET it do that?'.
'Because there is NO alternative' is my reply.
I cannot bury my head in the sand.
But there IS a cost.
I hope you are taking care of yourself as much as one can.
But THIS presidency ages US.
I'm aging faster than Dorian Gray's attic portrait.
He is a malignancy.
In seriousness tho, she/he is right
I did it for 9 years & only retired when the election was stolen on 11/5/24
thank you for your years of service. we fought hard to prevent what is happening right now
"It's something like being a local officials they're all reasonably fine, right?
Right?
Doc?"
I found it motivating. They couldn’t dispute the facts, so they had to settle for just being rude: An endorsement of my work, and their investment in it.
For me, getting yelled at on the internet is nothing at all. I 1000% do not care.
But god forbid someone yell at me in real life. I cannot tolerate someone's bad temper. I'd cut my best friend off for getting snippy with me. (I myself basically never get angry.)
But they can't turn and intimidate me. I would never scare a friend like that; that's a big line to cross.
*there may be exceptions. void where prohibited
To be fair we’re also not fine.
😂😂😭😭