Tesla Lays Off Entire Team Behind Brakes - ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

bencollins.bsky.social • 423 days ago

Tesla Lays Off Entire Team Behind Brakes

Comments

emberaegle.bsky.social•423 days ago

Move fast and break things.

kopperbunny.bsky.social•422 days ago

All gas no brakes 😂😂

dreggas13.bsky.social•423 days ago

Damn you, this sounds too real.

oberonsghost.bsky.social•423 days ago

That headline is looking way too close to the truth. I mean, they let the bean counters take charge of safety at Boeing and we know how that's playing out.

heckinhound.bsky.social•422 days ago

Everyone: Your designs suck and you essentially took one of the most recognizable logos ever and replaced it with a fucking X.

Musk: 🤬🤬🤬YOU’RE ALL FIRED!

-later-

Also Musk: Why does no one like me?! 🥺😭

costasamaras.com•423 days ago

must credit https://bsky.app/profile/costasamaras.bsky.social/post/3kq4wi7kaii2c

kolvin.bsky.social•422 days ago

Nothing can stop them now!

riwoche.bsky.social•423 days ago

Here's how this publisher hit the ground running

lauowolf.bsky.social•422 days ago

It's all about going fast and breaking things so this would be logical

bknox.bsky.social•423 days ago

It’s gonna take me a long time to get used to the fact that the headlines you tweet out are intentionally funny.

marionette.bzky.team•422 days ago

Still not as dumb as reality, the onion can’t keep up

amadeus.bsky.social•422 days ago

This makes absolute sense. Why slow the business down?

timredacted.bsky.social•423 days ago

"They were just slowing us down"

jakei.bsky.social•421 days ago

kicking off the ownership strong

willwheels1.bsky.social•423 days ago

joelsftw.bsky.social•422 days ago

A little late on this one.

tbapple.bsky.social•423 days ago

Did not think this was a joke

geraldkw.bsky.social•422 days ago

Tesla brakes for no one. Not even the driver.

sbdcmusic.com•423 days ago

😂 I have to remember you’re in charge of The Onion

88corbs.bsky.social•422 days ago

I mean, all they ever did was slow people down.

hh95.bsky.social•422 days ago

Tesla needs to lay off The Musk

bosslca.bsky.social•423 days ago

“There are no breaks on the Tesla train” was not a quote the team expected to take literally.

morningfog.bsky.social•423 days ago

Behind the breaks is one thing, it’s in front you gotta worry about.

I’ll see myself out…

gijack.bsky.allsystems.fail•421 days ago

This is highly symbolic I guess...

arkenor.bsky.social•423 days ago

Has he kicked the Onion off twitter yet?

slinktheweasel.bsky.social•422 days ago

The sad part.. I had to verify that this was an onion article.

thejoyo.com•422 days ago

theyll be in front of the brakes soon enough.

rexs1gma.bsky.social•423 days ago

Ben unleashed. We’ve created a monster.

edzitron.com•423 days ago

Oh my god dude if you like the onion so much why don't you marry it

petraitis.org•423 days ago

😂🤣🧨💥

jamiechambers.bsky.social•423 days ago

Barely satire.

terric1951.bsky.social•422 days ago

We don't need no stinkin' brakes!

ahumbleman.bsky.social•423 days ago

I clicked this so fast you’d never know i have T*sla as a muted word 😂

Great article

dlbowman76.com•423 days ago

"GROIMES! I've killed a million bicyclists! No one will even notice!"

whimgruent.bsky.social•423 days ago

👨‍🍳😙🤌

soithinkicandance.bsky.social•423 days ago

stopping...highly overrated, i'm sure

pkpd-babe.bsky.social•422 days ago

And then https://arstechnica.com/cars/2024/04/tesla-to-lay-off-everyone-working-on-superchargers-new-vehicles/

stardazer.bsky.social•423 days ago

😂😂

mscitro.bsky.social•423 days ago

Loving the new owner!

abigaleelle.bsky.social•422 days ago

Someone needs to fix the brakes on Elon Trump first.

jordantrenholm.ca•423 days ago

Tesla's new slogan: Can't stop, won't stop.

niawag.bsky.social•422 days ago

good one. keep it up.

cyberlawyeryyz.bsky.social•423 days ago

I saw this headline in my feed earlier and assumed without further thought that it was true.

lisathelibrarian.bsky.social•422 days ago

The Onion: indistinguishable from reality 😍

gooddoggoodmom.bsky.social•423 days ago

There’s no stopping 🛑 him 🤷🏻‍♂️

huddledmass.bsky.social•423 days ago

I just shrugged and thought, of course he did.

deftestleftist.bsky.social•423 days ago

“They were just slowing us down”

reidrivenburgh.bsky.social•423 days ago

There's no stopping Tesla!

xvf17.bsky.social•422 days ago

There’s no stopping Tesla now!

kat9tale.bsky.social•423 days ago

The onion…back to peeling back the layers!

boothlib.bsky.social•423 days ago

Go fast and break things but no brakes go fast and it’s better to burn out than fade away in a long drawn out way

emmajuned.bsky.social•423 days ago

He just can’t stop!

billstewart.bsky.social•423 days ago

Look, it's hard enough to tell Real Headlines from The Onion when The Onion's ones say The Onion on them,
now you're just making it harder!

morselya.bsky.social•422 days ago

This, right here.

(I read aloud the headline to Loving Spouse, with exactly that attribution, or rather "I can't believe this isn't The Onion.")

lizardky.bsky.social•423 days ago

I was hoping the new owners would pivot away from the “straight news” reporting and get back to satire,

eggbag.bsky.social•422 days ago

Dammit I actually believed this one for a second

wallet55.bsky.social•423 days ago

That got me! Glad to see the onion again.

tomstpatrick.bsky.social•423 days ago

You must look closely to see this is The Onion and it is hilarious!

myswamplife.bsky.social•423 days ago

Troubling

nih-llamas.bsky.social•423 days ago

Moving forward, braking can be purchased from the software division for $299.00/month.

moonbird.us•423 days ago

Can't stop, won't stop!

dreamscythe.bsky.social•423 days ago

Brakes are really holding the Model 2 back

tantroo.bsky.social•422 days ago

$TSLA has no breaks! Pow to the moon and into it! Make a whole new crater in the cheese ball!
🚀 🚀 🚀

paladinawe.bsky.social•423 days ago

What's sad is that I almost ate this one. It's just so close.

sorocchungus.bsky.social•422 days ago

You son of a bitch you almost got me! I love it

its.stonehippo.com•423 days ago

The real joke is there was never a Tesla team responsible for brakes.

digitaldolphin.bsky.social•423 days ago

Whelp. Nothing can stop them now!

...I'll see myself out now

popezebbidiexii.bsky.social•422 days ago

Except a light shower

ahumbleman.bsky.social•423 days ago

😂

sesheta.bsky.social•423 days ago

NO BRAKES ONLY CRASH (TSLA QUALITY)

davemck.bsky.social•422 days ago

What's stopping them?

toastjerviss.bsky.social•422 days ago

Super good idea 👍

iizard.bsky.social•422 days ago

Holy shit i certainly tasted some onion for a moment there

mreauow.bsky.social•423 days ago

This sounds like it could cause problems
Or maybe just make the problems worse
Or... Y'know I'm just going to take Tesla off my potential purchases lists

drgeophysics.bsky.social•422 days ago

No executive bonuses were harmed in these layoffs. Bubble is now over, stock dump ahoy.

rhiza.bsky.social•423 days ago

They just couldn’t stop themselves

danhawk333.bsky.social•423 days ago

*golf clap*

bnlngstrth.bsky.social•422 days ago

Ah it's an Onion article. Shit's so fucked I can't tell the difference hardly anymore

davoid.bsky.social•422 days ago

ACKSHUALLY given the advanced regenerative braking system, standard disc brakes can be considered a redundan- *rear ends another Tesla*

vexedmaple.bsky.social•422 days ago

Does it say something about my "faith" in everyone's favourite somewhat-unhinged billionaire, that I didn't even question that headline initially 😂

ronreid.bsky.social•422 days ago

Makes sense. With charging points eliminated who needs brakes?

glennf.com•422 days ago

Let that sink in, he said as he pushed the brake as hard as he could to no avail

consort.bsky.social•422 days ago

The entire team in front of the brakes will be dealt with shortly

dfwsam.bsky.social•421 days ago

Careening into irrelevance at warp speed! Go Elon, go!

theotherjon.bsky.social•423 days ago

Who needs brakes when you have reverse?

ellz.bsky.social•423 days ago

I mean what's to stop them

orlamccool.bsky.social•423 days ago

Don't give him ideas.

saltyk.bsky.social•423 days ago

The scary thing is that you could change one of the words in the title and have it be 100% accurate news.

capoexplains.bsky.social•422 days ago

It didn't even cross my mind that this MIGHT be a joke. "Fuck it outsource it to Brembo I need to cut costs to cover my bonus that's LITERALLY big enough to permanently house over three hundred thousand families." seems 100% on brand for Musk.

rachacha.bsky.social•423 days ago

z-zeppo.bsky.social•422 days ago

Brakes, Charging... what's next. And btw, who is left that would buy a Chinese made Tesla?

professorfurious.bsky.social•423 days ago

I seriously thought this was real for a solid 5 seconds.

bennettelder.net•423 days ago

Wheel team mentioned will be less of a loss. There’s only 6 people on it.

bennettelder.net•423 days ago

But ooooo boy does their union rep ever have fun ideas for Wheel Team 6 shirts.

jimadamsgeo.bsky.social•423 days ago

The thing is I could totally believe this happened. When you can't tell parody from actual news I'm pretty sure that means things are bad.

selfification.bsky.social•422 days ago

For a second I actually believed this before seeing the Onion. GG! And now we wait two years for him to actually do that and weep.

czesco.bsky.social•422 days ago

They were just slowing Tesla down.

wombatpm.bsky.social•422 days ago

This is why The Onion is the world’s finest news source.

I miss the days of the DPRK account on Twitter.

jasonhavenphoto.bsky.social•423 days ago

Took me longer than I'd like to admit to realize this was satire

lfccinti.bsky.social•423 days ago

Genuinely thought that was real for a moment.

alek18.bsky.social•422 days ago

Omg same here.

saschavykos.bsky.social•423 days ago

Same lol, total Elon move though he might yet do it

jiaohuazheng.bsky.social•422 days ago

When I saw the title, I actually hoped for a second that Tesla did fire the brakes team due to their incompetence. I read the first few lines, and thought of this as a typical Elon thing. Then I finally realized that this was the Onion.

marksimploding.bsky.social•422 days ago

“All I need to do is manipulate the books for a few quarters to commit securities fraud and get my bonus”.

smurfmasterjym.bsky.social•422 days ago

Under a new subscription model Melonhead is trying to install across all facets of the company..Tesla will charge for every braking attempt.

Note the word attempt