when I was a kid I heard another kid arguing about why he had to do service for others in the gurudwara and his parent was like "if you won't help others what is the point of you" and I've never forgotten that line.
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“If I am not for myself who will be for me? And if I am only for me, what am I? And if not now, when?”-Hillel
Not exactly the same but echoes of that parent.
My husband left a bag of groceries in the cart after paying for them tonight. He discovered this after he was home.
“Call them I said. Someone will have brought them back into the store and turned them in.”
He scoffed. I called.
They were there waiting for him. Many people do the right thing.
That's the only reason we're here. anyone who Doesn't figure that out has to come back as a lower life form. and let me tell you some of the ones who haven't figured it out don't have many life forms below them
Lately I have gone to the gurudwara several times - would like to be there on Saturday to help with the meal service but my workplace is always booking me for that day.
Here in Australia we currently have awful bushfires burning in the Grampians. The Sikh volunteers are feeding the firefighters battling the blazes. 🩵 Community is not only how we survive, but how we thrive.
I'm more in the vein of the Texas Lege member Molly Ivins recalled in a essay, after his colleagues had voted down something like health care or lunches for kids. Stalked over to them and hissed, on the floor:
When I was a kid my mother called me the public defender. I was the first to become friends with an Albino girl & a crippled girl . A girl n friends came to my house once to beat me up for being https://Jewish.my mom made me go fight n they never bothered me again
I like that. Reminds me of the quote from Rabbi Hillel: "When I am for myself alone, what am I?" (Part of an extended quote, following "If I am not for myself, who will be for me?" and before "And if not now, when?")
I like that sentiment.
And now that I have looked up gurudwara, I have learned a second important thing today. (The first thing was a Yule Cat, so technically this is a better thing.)
I visited the Golden Temple in Amritsar a few years ago. My father worked with a lot of Sikhs and it inspired me to go. It was such a magical place that my wife and I went back the next day and worked in the kitchens for a couple of hours. Amazing, generous people.
That’s kind of sweet in a very direct blunt way! Being disabled myself, I always feel best when I’m able to help others despite my limitations. I may not be able to haul boxes or pay for stuff, but I can be there with people and help them through things by listening and witnessing.
I think this a rare circumstance where it really is the thought that counts. There are going to be times when we don't have the capacity or the skill to help where we see need. A continuing desire means we'll help where we can. And sometimes knowing someone would help if they could… helps.
In our household, keeping each other company while we do chores or tasks is considered helping. Conversing, telling a story, listening, etc. Being present. Letting each other know we are not alone and that our work, however tedious, is appreciated.
That’s a great way to view it and to frame it for the younger family members. Even as a grown adult when I need to get serious and deep clean my bedroom, I ask a friend to hang out while I do it and it helps so much.
When you can work a normal job it’s doing SOMETHING for someone eventually down the line so you have some purpose. When you CAN’T do that, it’s easy to feel untethered and useless.
I've also been working on, as someone whose disability continually grows worse, knowing that even if I can no longer contribute to others in any way - being the one being helped is still a role that needs filling and accepting other's help still counts as being part of society. 💜
Yea, I think I used to try to use being able to help others as a way to justify the help I received?? And that kind of transactional way of looking at things was just replicating capitalism, yk? Looking at it from an interdependent lens helped a lot.
Could I just ask - I think I met the word as gurdwara in RE lessons - is this just a dialect/transcription thing, or is it one of the British Raj anglicisms we should be avoiding?
Community is what defines a human. And in America, at least, that has been sterilized into a hyper individualistic society, and we are all the poorer for it.
yeah. seems like the bare minimum would be something like "don't accrue nearly half a trillion dollars for yourself and then be using it to try to cut the legs out from under people who're barely surviving, in order to pump your own ego."
Interesting dichotomy. Not knives, used for cutting, but swords! Someone may slap me down — perhaps the few Sikhs I know and have done business with, but…
How to be of service to others with a sword? “Neighbor, may I slay that bothersome burglar for you?”
If people know that you are armed, they are less likely to attempt violence against you and those you care about. Oppression's a lot more fun with helpless victims.
This is how my dad (Catholic rebel) set the example. We didn't have much, but he was always giving and doing for others. Mowing lawns, sharing food he grew, etc. I've tried to set this example for our (now young adult) kids. It's a good family tradition. Be the good you want to see in the world.
My (largely atheist) parents raised my brother and I to have a very strong commitment to public service - we were taught that helping others was the essential point of life.
He went into nursing/medicine. I went into law- child protection/mental health law and employment law.
Yeah, I'm letting her have her fun for a little while longer before I block her. Because her arguments are literal nonsense, so it's pretty easy/fun to dismantle them.
This feels very central to what I know of Sikh culture. Never forgot how they showed up for Hurricane Sandy relief, and then, when they found out a lot of the survivors had already been fed, started feeding us volunteers!
Rev. Norman Vincent Peel's book, How To Win Friends and Influence Others, echos this. I read it 40 years ago and still follow this advise to help others as a way to help myself.
We had to do volunteer hours back in Catholic school and I remember very clearly Mr. Dolan saying, to the students who barely squeaked by, you are missing the point of all of this.
I believe in helping others. Hell, I'm consumed by guilt when I can't for whatever reason. At the same time I think we should believe that every human being has worth by themselves, just for existing. People's worth should not be conditioned to what they can do for others.
Yes, please! And especially while you're still a child. Your job is simply to grow up - which includes learning to help others, but your existence doesn't need to be justified by what you offer other people at this point.
Here's a thing I find weird. There's this friend of mine who is very involved in suicide prevention, has her own little project going. At the same time she says her motto is "if you don't live to serve, there's no point in you living". And I've never questioned her, but sounds contradictory to me.
That motto is much catchier and a little less harsh in Spanish. But if that's your philosophy of life, then how do you tell people they should keep living, when they can't muster the strength to help others? It's kinda like telling them, "yeah, you're right, jump".
but yeah I wouldn't put it as "be *useful*" bc that rather utilitarian connotation opens up a *lot* of knee jerk ableism and classism (inc internalized).
also a lot of people never got unconditional love where it was supposed to be (parents/fam of origin) & "I'm not useful" can feel crushing.
I think service, like most things, benefits from training. Maybe phrased with dual meaning, we get better at service through practice. A community of many practiced hands multiplies the possible effects.
Invaluable aid from the Sikh community during BC flooding.
There is a middle ground though, you don't have to give all of yourself to others, but it doesn't mean you cannot help some people here and there. Just like you would like others to help you in your time of need.
This character really resonated with me, so I feel like it's important to note the difference between "feels like their worth is only derived by constantly pushing themselves to do more and more for others" and "remembers to help out when the occasional opportunity arises".
anyway this is why I find it funny when ppl are like "wow youre such a good neighbour you helped move a fallen tree from someone else's driveway" no not really i'm just trying to make sure there is a point of me
Yesterday I was sick and grumpy and taking a nap I needed. And my foster daughter, a full grown adult, woke me up to open a jar. Best thing that happened to me all day! Even then, there was a point to me.
Circled back to check a deceased animal in the street Sat. night. Was a small, fluffy dog. Had a trash bag to move him to the sidewalk. Made contact w/the owner who knew but, couldn’t bear to move him. Put him into the bag at her request & tied it. I hugged her & cried w/her. It’s the point of me.
Most of the rest of the world still has some sense of communal responsibility. The USA has completely lost that. It's a very selfish culture and it shows.
Like it feels really good to help out of the goodness of your heart? But being paid poorly and treated shittily to service ungrateful jerks doesn't feel as good.
thats not really service, because you have to to survive, where "I picked out your present fir Christmas as something you can use tbaf you'd never spend the money on" is just for the sake of being a good friend.
Yup. The friend in question is someone who is always trying to do it on her own and I'm the type who continually offers, so when she takes me up on an offer it feels like such an honor and a piece of sacred trust, yk?
I hate my neighbor and I helped him lift a heavy load into his truck last week. It's just what you *do*. He's a piece of shit, I don't want to be like him.
Once on a road trip with my blind friend, who could hear we had passed vehicle with tools out, asked why we weren’t stopping to help, I was worried about stopping for a stranger; I remember his response to this day-if you’re in too big of a hurry to help someone; you’re in too big of a hurry’
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Not exactly the same but echoes of that parent.
“Call them I said. Someone will have brought them back into the store and turned them in.”
He scoffed. I called.
They were there waiting for him. Many people do the right thing.
"You are *evil* motherfuckers."
According to Ivins, they nearly wet themselves.
This.
Thank you for this!
💙🙏🏻💙
And now that I have looked up gurudwara, I have learned a second important thing today. (The first thing was a Yule Cat, so technically this is a better thing.)
“the point is become famous! My Number go up! SO VIRAL!”
You're so welcome. We all deserve care and individualism is killing us. It's so important to keep pushing back.
Could I just ask - I think I met the word as gurdwara in RE lessons - is this just a dialect/transcription thing, or is it one of the British Raj anglicisms we should be avoiding?
https://rumble.com/c/c-6089156
You can teach children about kindness and helping others without forcing it on them with the pre-tense that they were born JUST to be of service.
Not all abuse is physical and that is the last thing a child needs to hear when expressing that they don't want to do something.
The kid was arguing back. It's a parent's duty to shut that shit down quick. We don't know what happened before or after this argument.
I hope you take care today.
A kid being rude or disrespectful isn't an excuse, especially when, from what we know, the kid just didn't want to do volunteer work.
It's much better to just find ways for your child to contribute that they enjoy.
and yet.
How to be of service to others with a sword? “Neighbor, may I slay that bothersome burglar for you?”
https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/lewis-carroll-quotes
I simply used Alice because she is considered one of his greatest creations.
My (largely atheist) parents raised my brother and I to have a very strong commitment to public service - we were taught that helping others was the essential point of life.
He went into nursing/medicine. I went into law- child protection/mental health law and employment law.
"From each according to their ability, to each according to their needs" is a start, perhaps.
Also a reminder that "help" doesn't have to be concrete, physical/financial actions. Just listening with compassion is a lot.
also a lot of people never got unconditional love where it was supposed to be (parents/fam of origin) & "I'm not useful" can feel crushing.
Invaluable aid from the Sikh community during BC flooding.
https://www.trucknews.com/transportation/sikhs-feed-stranded-drivers-collect-money-for-b-c-flood-aid/1003155239/
Maribel gave them that feedback and support necessary to continue their given/chosen purpose. Rugged individualism and charity are at odds.
my ability to take care of myself (in extremely dangerous environments) has greatly improved my ability to help others survive those environments
it's true i work with others in an extended network but being able to work alone is also important
Thank you, I'm probably going to think of this every day.
Rabindranath Tagore
Happiness is the only good. The time to be happy is now. The place to be happy is here. The way to be happy is to make others so.
Robert G Ingersoll
http://ars-veritatis.blogspot.com/2020/04/on-being-50-almost-dying-and-what-it.html?m=1
It's life-changing to alter how we perceive asking for help and being asked.
The other thing that stuck was sobriety.