Girlies, when you are meeting a group of men:
If the cute, sweet, quiet one is friends with the loud misogynistic asshole, he holds the exact same beliefs underneath.
If he didn't, he would never tolerate that guy. He just has a shyer personality. Don't mistake it for goodness.
If the cute, sweet, quiet one is friends with the loud misogynistic asshole, he holds the exact same beliefs underneath.
If he didn't, he would never tolerate that guy. He just has a shyer personality. Don't mistake it for goodness.
Comments
This is because he’ll often give (and even lean into) the appearance of being neutral or in disagreement of that, but usually isn’t doing any of the work or pushback for that to be *actually* true.
Furthermore, if a man says he’s not politically affiliated, claims to be a centrist, or says he hates both sides— given this context— he’s right wing and won’t say it out loud.
Nowhere did I say centrism doesn’t exist.
You’re pulling a “Let me try to prove you wrong despite not saying any of the things I just said” type of Twitter comment. Get out. Lmao.
Like seriously I’m not here for your Twitter pedantry.
But so is the deeper truth buried here: as one centrist to another, our dark side is exactly this, protecting the status quo against the "dangerous" "extremism" of people fighting for basic human dignity.
...while tolerating prejudice and oppression.
https://www.africa.upenn.edu/Articles_Gen/Letter_Birmingham.html
It's a thing here
In my experience these guys think they aren't misogynist because they perhaps don't sleep around or openly objectify women with groups of men.
However they have extremely specific ideas of a woman's role in life and will violently punish her for falling outside of it
And they will often violently resent you for "not appreciating"
Everything about this yes
They won’t always be as overt, but their feelings are just as strong and their entitlement is even worse. They tend to think because they’re not as extreme (or don’t display their extremes) it means they’re entitled to more.
As if it is fucked up of you to desire more than the absolute bare minimum of humanity.
They believe themselves to be heroes for not acting like their friends
This is spot on.
These ones may not physically harm you, but they are comfortable with harming you in more covert ways. Particularly if it means they get to feel like they can keep a foot in each door.
Mind you it's sort of right, because I didn't really know it until she betrayed me.
My boyfriend didn't say a thing.
The truth is always there, if we just see it.
If the loud one is actively a decent man, that doesn't mean the quiet one is also.
https://pervocracy.blogspot.com/2012/06/missing-stair.html
My whole life I have known a ton of men who keep toxic men around. At best they aren't taught to address it, but usually it's worse. Men are taught
Like the different view point it's always enlightening.
Happens everyday
Men protect other men constantly even if that is simply by refusing to do anything
but shy guys follow loud guys because they are shy, they wanna stay in the group or they become alone, which shy guys are most afraid of
so even if they were with jerks, it doesn’t always mean they are also jerks
-from a shy, sweet guy
Abandoning yourself to belong is a slippery slope that some take very far.
I've learned from experience that if they don't stand up for you, it may be because they are chicken shit, but if they keep company with such people, it's because they agree with them.
It can only be up to decent men to hold other men accountable, for misogynistic men refuse to listen to women.
(Unless it's pretending to listen and agree; to get in her pants).
All the good guys, please have these important conversations! The whole world is getting much worse.
It could be the other way around, it could be the loud asshole who's desperate for attention and acceptance, and uses the themes that make the quiet ones laugh without himself believing it, like a sad class clown.
Still, best avoid the whole lot.
All it means is that if his friend hurts or abuses you he won't stand up to the guy and he will never correct his misogyny.
We can have empathy for people while
No partner worth their salt would ever allow their friends to disrespect me.
I would even add that if someone's friends are openly disrespecting you it may sometimes mean that your partner is disrespecting you themselves behind your back.
The friends are getting it from somewhere
Also a way to weed out the opposite sex.
If a woman needs to be seen with alpha male,she has probably has issues wife self-worth.
Find the quiet one that doesn't quite fit in....gold!
We need to be better.
If you grew up together with someone, but over time you both changed and became different people - it can be really hard to completely throw that bond away.
I've ghosted dudes that I've known for over a decade.
One of them was a groomsman in my wedding.
We don't gotta make time or space for fuckos.
There are lines in the sand, but when it comes to someone I've known for over 20 years it would take a lot for me to throw that away.
You're either in agreement with them, or enabling them.
So you're no friend of mine
Could have saved myself a lot of time.
While it’s wise to stay aware of potential red flags, people’s relationships are often more complex than they seem.
Quietness isn’t always complicity—some may tolerate for other reasons without sharing their beliefs.
Nuanced thinking vs assuming the worst.
I used to be so accepting of everyone into my closest circle, but the result was I was not being elevated, and I was constantly exhausted
Now I'm surrounded by people I respect and it challenges me to be a better person every day
I'm an extrovert and I loved everybody and let me tell you how I let people hurt me and steal from me and break my heart.
I had to learn to be more discerning in the beginning, which is tough because
this is exactly what I had to learn - it isn't being judgmental to make a judgment for yourself. You aren't looking down on someone, you're saying "hey I think this won't work for me."
But learning the difference between that and "being a bad person" was SO HARD
wow PREACH. exactly this.
And if you are smart and you choose to engage with your experience, you use that knowledge to choose better people
You weren't going to be drawn to people who fundamentally disagree with all of your beliefs and lifestyle choices and desires.
The averaging works.
BUT, if it is a group make sure to ask if the sweet quiet one is friends with the giant douche nozzle. Sometimes that is the friend of a friend and the quiet one hates his guts, tells him to his face all of the time, and they have gotten into physical fights over his behavior.
😂
Which is so sad because men deserve emotional support, & men supporting men
I feel sad because I've had men talk to me about how much they long for that support and how hard it is to actually get it
Sometimes it is going out for a drink with them, but it’s less about the drink and more about showing value.
I’m able to have the same kind of conversations and share the same views with all, and we can all have disagreements and (I hope) nobody feels intimated by me because of my gender.
If there isn't a loud guy in the group, then the leader isn't a loud guy, which is a good sign. Though he MAY still be an asshole, misogynistic or otherwise.
I have many clothes male friends and all of them struggle with male friendships at large because they refuse to participate in hurting women as a group activity, & they don't try to drink, lift, or fuck away all their feelings
I can imagine that in the army that is not always available and if you *do* choose that you will be ostracized
That's how all privilege works (I have similar privilege as a white woman) & why ppl who call themselves allies fail so much.
It costs a lot