I have done the ADHD thing of losing my wallet sometime since last Friday with no clue as to where it went except for a very dim sense memory of putting it somewhere and thinking, as I did so, “that is a stupid place to put this”
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I once put my wallet on the top of the spare tire on the back of my jeep while getting gas and then drove across town with it sitting there! A friend noticed it when I parked and was like “seriously?”
A whole mood. How big is the wallet? Have you checked all the nooks and crannies in the car? If you gently nestled it somewhere, my guess is between the seat and the door and it is now wedged under the seat. (I have lost many items this way.)
non-judgmental question for all of you, since I know there must be a reason: why not designate a Wallet Place right by the door where you drop your wallet immediately?
I do have a wallet spot, and my wallet stays there, but I often use my phone while wandering around the house half-doing other things and getting distracted, so it’s gotten put down in some strange places. Bathroom counter, pantry shelves, like that.
I mean, sometimes I carry a purse, sometimes I don’t, people go in and out of the front door constantly and often leave it unlocked, I don’t really want to leave my wallet out in the public area of the house
Another weird place I have lost things like this - on top of the toilet particularly if it’s in my back pocket - wouldn’t want it to drop into the toilet, right?
Oh shit, I have done this so many times. And why doesn’t the thought, “this is a stupid place for this”, stop us from leaving it there? I had to put Apple tags on my wallet and keys to stop this. Now it just happens with my ring, since I haven’t found a way to tag that yet.
I am considering just soldering a tag on top of my ring like a giant piece of costume jewelry. It wouldn’t surprise anyone; ADHD and ostentatious is kind of my brand.
As someone who has also put things somewhere while thinking "this is a stupid place to put this", I offer my finding-karma spell. You have to think of Something Else you also want to find, and look earnestly for the Something Else.
You'll find the wallet then because you aren't looking for it.
I once filed my wallet away on a bookshelf between two books. I have no idea why I would have done that and yet, when I tore up the house for my wallet, there it lay.
A few other fun places: inside of the recliner wedged by a mechanical arm, inside of the couch (not under a cushion but wedged deep inside), in my laundry hamper at the bottom, in the trash, and my personal favorite, in my luggage despite not having traveled recently.
I am moving to a new place and, despite the opsec issues, I'm considering blanketing the interior in cameras so that my wife and I can review the footage for when we straight up disappear items while in the fog of ADHD blindness.
Maybe in the pocket of some clothing your spouse was wearing at the time and hasn't worn since? I do that sometimes.
(I just paid my kid in lollies to find the cup of tea I had mislaid somewhere in the house, so I am 100% not judging you here).
my bedside table
my husband’s bedside table
my desk
the piano
my car
my husband’s car
the bathroom
the little ledge on the edge of the bathtub
the fridge
the kitchen counter
in the pants that I was wearing on Friday
Were you wearing a sweater with pockets on Friday? Or a raincoat or any other garment that gets hung up to be worn again at a later time and has pockets?
I sit down, become very quiet, eliminate distractions, then close my eyes and retrace my steps since I last knew the whereabouts of the missing item. I can’t be guaranteed to find it in my mind, at least it gives me places to check that I might’ve overlooked.
i’ve learned that I have to empty out my bag completely, the one I’ve already searched three times, dump everything on the floor and then feel inside the bag
I have a bright purple and a hot pink wallet for this very reason. Do you have any shelves in your closet? I used to leave my phone on an old file cabinet that we had stuck in there for storage and it was just above eye level
Someone saw that my phone case and wallet are both bright orange and assumed out loud that bright orange must be my favorite color. I assured them that no, my superpower is to be able to lose ANYTHING, and this shaves the odds a micron in my favor.
Is it on or behind a garbage can you balanced it on for just one sec (or maybe inside because it subsequently fell in, as you secretly knew it would)? In the pocket of a coat you didn’t wear but stuck it there just to free up a hand?
As I always told my Mom - it is under 1 thing. Don't dig through piles and bags and such, walk around and lift the top thing on all surfaces and you will find it.
This. It works more often than you might think.
It’s likely it’s now hidden by one sheet of paper, an envelope, a napkin, a kitchen towel, or something similar.
I once found my favorite pliers in the bag of dog paraphernalia that hangs on a hook on a kitchen wall. The stepladder I had put the pliers on top of was leaning against that spot & slipped out of the little tray on top of the stepladder.
I found the pliers years later. They are still my favorites!
Pantry shelf next to a snack? Cupboard next to mugs?
Laundry hamper?
😅 the black hole of memory and lost things is deep - I’m always trying to mantra these days “don’t put it down, put it *away*” as a fellow ADHD haver. Good luck!
Have definitely been there. I bought an Apple Watch mostly to use the “ping” feature that makes my phone beep at me when I put it down on something so I can grab a snack or coffee or whatever and it’s pulled into the aether (**Is exactly where I left it but immediately forgot**).
I once lost mine under the piece of carpet that extends from the trunk of my car and between the front and back seats when they’d been laid flat. Weird place to lose it but it was there!
my go-to at similar moments is the floor under adjacent pieces of furniture. I think mine also once turned up in a reusable grocery bag on the back seat of the car.
I'm glad you checked the fridge. When we were kids, that's where my brother's shoes were found, and no one has ever forgotten this. My kids now joke "have you checked the fridge?" when we're looking for something.
Based on personal experience: Have you checked all of your coat pockets? Including those you know you weren’t wearing?
(Or shelves in the closet where you keep your pants/laundry? Bathroom vanity? Maybe you already listed that one.)
My only suggestion on your wallet is to look in a place like "tucked into the clothes on the top shelf of your closet" - I've put things in odd places when distracted.
Related: I have AirTag devices (or equivalent) on key ring, in my smaller men's style wallet, etc. because I just got tired of it.
The last two times I lost my wallet it was in that gap between the car door and the seat. I've hesitated to mention this since you said you have a faint memory of deliberately putting it somewhere, but desperate times.....
You could try getting tipsy again in case it's state-dependent memory?
Based on your murky recollection of placing it in a not-ideal spot … I think you were DOING something that needed both hands, & you put it on a nearby surface. Probably between waist and shoulder height. What might you have needed to tweak or adjust or do, and where, in the time betw. home and bed?
Turns out yes! It was carrying out a takeout order from a completely different restaurant that had disappeared from my memory as thoroughly as though it had been pushed down a waterslide
I set Important Things on pantry shelves while I search for the pantry item I need, and then walk away, and the Things become invisible if I am not careful.
In my experience, this would mean that in fact, it was in or on your bedside table. For some reason, my ADHD causes me to look in the right place first but totally miss that the thing I'm looking for is right there.
Do you recall if your hands were full at the time you set it down? Recently misplaced keys: searched suitcase and clothing multiple times after dismissing bags of goodies as not located where keys could’ve fallen in and yet. Had put in a bag due to full hands, told self to remove once in room but…
Is there anything on a shelf that’s not books but is *like* books? Pile of papers, cereal boxes? My vague senses of putting things down usually include a sense of what height it was at (on a counter/desk vs reaching up, say) — any clues there?
Ok. Because mine was in a shoe I’m kind of stuck on that. But do you have shelves for your shoes? Could it be on a shoe shelf? (Imitating a book shelf.)
Kitchen cabinets then? If you’d come home and been stuffing things places and bending over/stretching it might’ve gotten annoying and if counter full of stuff tucked it away so as not to knock it off the counter?
Oo maybe near where ever you took off your shoes? Drunk me sheds all sorts of stuff with my shoes when I get home that sober me never imagines would be there
I just want to sympathise with the absolute despair of losing something within your house - when you've looked literally everywhere possible, and you've begun looking in boxes you haven't opened in months even though it can't be there either
I’ve built a strong habit over the years of phone in one pocket, keys in another, and wallet in another. It feels wrong to walk out the door with one not in place and I turn back to find out what’s up.
This has led to occasional amusing moments like being on the phone as I walk out the door and telling the person on the other end “hang on, I have to go back, I must have left my phone on the table”
Weird spaces between front car seats and console/doors? Cupholder/sunglass spaces on front doors? Glove compartment or console? Work bag? Top of washer/dryer? Laundry hamper? Bookshelf, maybe on top of books?
One reason my wife stays married to me is because I can find her stuff. Alas, it requires my physical presence to be of assistance as I test the wind and look at chicken entrails to divine the location.
I am the magical finder of things for the 4 other people in my house, and I am SO TIRED of maintaining the constantly updating mental map of what’s in each pile.
We’re all ADHD here, so chaos just piles up. And I can somehow remember that the fancy eraser you won from your teacher last week ended up under the pile of mail on the end of the table next to the window.
I tend to take a Sherlock Holmes approach of getting inside the suspect's* head. And then ruling out all the impossible until the improbable remains. Have correctly deduced multiple times when acquaintances have left keys in cars/doors.
This is me. Most of the time I know exactly where things are, but if I don't, I can just kind of attune to them and find them anyway. Also, obsessive about looking until I do find the thing. 😂
I seem to be able to visualize my wife's movements through the house depending on what she was doing and imagining where she would shed loads at various stops along the way. It's a gift.
My wife says "they're usually in the first place you think to look, but not always the first time you look there", and that the other person can often see them when you can't.
The other day both of us had simultaneously lost our wallets (I knew mine was home bc my car keys are in it.)
I can’t imagine you would do this with a wallet, particularly with the reported thought process when you put it down but - dishwasher? I once put a pair of very expensive glasses in that and it totally ruined all the coatings I had on the lenses.
Method, not location: have you tried looking at the spots you’ve already checked through a camera? Sometimes I think a thing has gone to the void when it’s only become invisible to my eye, but if I take a pic (or just look at the scene on my phone screen as if I were taking a pic) I can see it again
Oh, one that can mess with me and eat a phone or wallet is *under* the arch of the ergonomic keyboard on my desk. Put a thing down above the keyboard and then the keyboard slides back for some reason and has just enough room to swallow the thing.
Six inches to the left of where it is supposed to be†
Because each time I go to check the object it *should* be on top of, I only check the one "correct" wallet sized spot, ignoring the rest of the surface. Several dozen times. For three days.
Smartest thing I ever did was opting for a phone case/wallet combo. A hell of a lot harder for me to misplace that thing and when I do, the wife can call it for me after an appropriate amount of mockery.
My current go-to stupid place is the shelf right above the coffee maker. It gets used whenever decluttering around the coffee maker would be too much work, and brain can only notice coffee mugs in that location. Once lost my phone there for a whole weekend.
Years ago I was talking to a friend on the phone. At some point I had to leave but I couldn’t find my phone. Friend obviously senses my distress, and keeps encouraging me and suggesting I’ll eventually find it somewhere silly. Me, thinking friend is encouraging - friend, rofling when I realize it
YEP. I remember I put my favorite necklace somewhere I don’t usually keep it. I made a conscious effort, at the time, to REMEMBER WHERE I WAS PUTTING IT, but all I recall now is the fact that I had this whole chain of thought. I haven’t seen my necklace in weeks, it’s very sad. #ADHD
I once put my wallet in the shoes I was taking off. I was drunk at the time. But it also somehow felt like a safe place to tuck my wallet. The wallet was small, though (credit card size).
I posted this morning about my frustrations losing 4 debit/credit cards in 6-weeks. One is a repeat loss. I’m sure all but one are in the house or car…. Somewhere.
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Isn't it crazy that our minds do that? "It would be OK if I always put it here, but since I don't this is a dumb place for it"
Good luck and I hope it turns up soon.
spoiler: it never has
The "Hold my beer" species is great at ideas, however execution is always a crapshoot.
You'll find the wallet then because you aren't looking for it.
Good luck!
In your shoes
That drawer you don't use
Refrigerator
(I just paid my kid in lollies to find the cup of tea I had mislaid somewhere in the house, so I am 100% not judging you here).
Wallet
Every set of keys
Hidden in car
Last one after a friend’s car was stolen, the cops couldn’t be bothered, and hey, this is a cheap-azz lojak
I’m so sure it’ll turn up soon.
my bedside table
my husband’s bedside table
my desk
the piano
my car
my husband’s car
the bathroom
the little ledge on the edge of the bathtub
the fridge
the kitchen counter
in the pants that I was wearing on Friday
Where it is:
🤔🤷🏻♀️🫠
Other spots where it probably isn’t but who knows:
Laundry room
Ironing basket
On top of the green garbage bin
With the pet toys/food
Toolbox
It’s likely it’s now hidden by one sheet of paper, an envelope, a napkin, a kitchen towel, or something similar.
I'm not tall enough to see up there 😂
I found the pliers years later. They are still my favorites!
Laundry hamper?
😅 the black hole of memory and lost things is deep - I’m always trying to mantra these days “don’t put it down, put it *away*” as a fellow ADHD haver. Good luck!
a flat surface where i would normally never put it (eg a window ledge, a book shelf, pantry shelf)
a bag that i might use in the future but, importantly, not the one i used last
I found it months later on top of my buddies door frame 🤔
I only saw it when I took an enormous bong rip and leaned back on the couch, and it was then directly within my LOS.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9Vt3rh704zQ
(Or shelves in the closet where you keep your pants/laundry? Bathroom vanity? Maybe you already listed that one.)
this is a full-size concert black folder with rings and pockets, like 10”x12.5”
I am SHOOK
Related: I have AirTag devices (or equivalent) on key ring, in my smaller men's style wallet, etc. because I just got tired of it.
You could try getting tipsy again in case it's state-dependent memory?
That you can look directly at the lost thing & not see it.
My brain might be all screwed up but it does recall really fscking well it seems.
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/object-permanence-adhd#object-permanence-and-adhd
Shoe you were wearing
You were getting changed, we need to go.
I'll stick it here, running late.
Dumb spot, but I'll remember it.
Out the door.
Where did you place it?
On top of the fridge
Shoe rack
spare tp spot
where did you get the glass for the drink of water?
under the mattress
my brains not firing right, sorry.
Who unlocked the door you or hubby?
Was nature calling?
Why did that seem like a good spot to take off your pants?
hack the Kathryn!!!
I offer these to you in hopes they help directly or indirectly
I have checked in every such place
I went through so many misplaced wallets in my late teens/early 20s that the issue number on my bank card rolled round to 0...
I am no help but I know your pain. And how mad you will be with yourself when you find it.
I've put stuff in places thinking I'm putting it here so I'll easily find it. Sadly, that's not the way it worked out.
This morning I managed to get to work without my work bag, lunch, and shoes 🤪
Kitchen pantry?
Spare bathroom medicine cabinet?
Worktable in the garage?
Don't ask me where I get my suggestions. 🤷♂️
i did check tho bc tbh you never know
*usually me
The other day both of us had simultaneously lost our wallets (I knew mine was home bc my car keys are in it.)
start thinking more 'stupid'?
Momentary lapse of concentration = $1k loss.
(Even though it's a highly visible contrasting color and in plain sight.)
Six inches to the left of where it is supposed to be†
Because each time I go to check the object it *should* be on top of, I only check the one "correct" wallet sized spot, ignoring the rest of the surface. Several dozen times. For three days.
On top of a specific bookshelf, between the set of eyeglasses screwdrivers I never put away and part of a 2019 Halloween costume.
Best hiding spot in the world? Same bookshelf, other side of the Halloween costume.
I get it. My search for the stupid place sometimes makes it so memorable, it becomes the regular place. Makes my poor orderly husband sad.
I'm lucky that my wife is understanding when I tell her the only clue I can give is that it is in the most silly spot imaginable.