when people ask me what marriage is really all about, i tell them this. essentially you live with a person and some point you watch top gun together. you then mutually agree that tom cruise's name is actually tom gun. from then on, both of you call him tom gun in every movie. and that's marriage - ThreadSky

jonbois.bsky.social • 140 days ago

when people ask me what marriage is really all about, i tell them this. essentially you live with a person and some point you watch top gun together. you then mutually agree that tom cruise's name is actually tom gun. from then on, both of you call him tom gun in every movie. and that's marriage

Comments

snarkyrobot.bsky.social•140 days ago

Luv 2 watch Top Cruise starring my favorite actor, Tom Gun.

danieo9.bsky.social•140 days ago

Got it!

elliot500.bsky.social•140 days ago

From what I've observed, it doesn't get any better than this.

usagibrian.bsky.social•139 days ago

Marriage is looking into a partially loaded dishwasher, sighing softly, and saying, "Well, you did your best," before rearranging it correctly, then giving them a little kiss when you see them for helping.

rifka.bsky.social•139 days ago

“top gun for hire” more like. because it is about his sexual pleasure behind a thin veil of service economy

xanderoconnor.bsky.social•140 days ago

man i thought my marriage was perfect but now i see the glaring omission; sending this to my wife promptly!

djbaconblade.bsky.social•139 days ago

In me/wife's case in no particular order: u butt, your face is a butt, ur butt is a face. Also Notbunny. Aka Muskrats since she called one that during a brain fart.

queenofattolia.bsky.social•140 days ago

Until it all goes horribly wrong.

Sorry. 🫤

nargacugal.bsky.social•112 days ago

relationships are a series of inside jokes and its true

pumpkinpal.bsky.social•139 days ago

We just talk to each other in homestar runner voice whenever we're alone and that works for us

victoryrenfrew.bsky.social•139 days ago

Who's Tom Cruise?

The guy that's in a cult?

He's,weird.

zwimmy.bsky.social•131 days ago

this... this is what those pilots were fighting for all along

truly poetic

god bless you, tom gun

moreanonhandle.bsky.social•139 days ago

If you’ve really found the one you will come up with dumb things you’ve both never said before at the exact same time and say them in unison

davastewart.bsky.social•139 days ago

Good grief we say the same thing at the same time so often it’s disturbing!

rossiville.bsky.social•140 days ago

I like how you stayed on the same page. That makes for a long marriage.

circaliz.bsky.social•139 days ago

This is true.

antislice.bsky.social•139 days ago

🎶 it's the little bits you do together, names you misconstrue together, that make marriage a joy 🎶

fuzzychef.org•140 days ago

I thought it was shouting "WHAT?!?" from another room.

maggiekat.bsky.social•138 days ago

And the longer you are married the truer this becomes

marlo.ooo•139 days ago

take my breath away

keithpille.bsky.social•140 days ago

OK, so we know Touchdown Tom can never be counted out, but: does this apply to Tom Gun?

bgmck.bsky.social•139 days ago

In our house he’s Tom Cruises Nuts.

jdrch.github.io•140 days ago

It's the weird stuff that keeps people together

jetzzfan.bsky.social•140 days ago

tom cruise's--sorry tom gun's--real last name is "mapother" which anagrams to "o! the parm!" which is what he yells at waiters at italian restaurants when they drop off his order. rather convenient, i would say

liero.website•140 days ago

Sounds great! Where can I sign up?

stuartwi.bsky.social•139 days ago

Ours is “broken troll” in place of “remote control” (“where is the broken troll?”). It is also our punk band name.

zgryphon.bsky.social•140 days ago

That's unironically beautiful.

cazinquiry.bsky.social•134 days ago

I agree!

fortunasaga.com•140 days ago

That's why my first marriage fell apart; we called him Risky Business

fortunasaga.com•139 days ago

'Ricky Biddy' if we were in a hurry

josephmoran.bsky.social•140 days ago

Also, you agree that the guy who starred in Dog Day Afternoon is the actor who is not Robert DeNiro.

words.bsky.social•140 days ago

it really is a language isn't it

unicorntickles.bsky.social•140 days ago

We watched an episode of Scrubs where Zach Braff’s character pronounced raccoon like r’coon and that’s how we say it to this day.

benderdict.bsky.social•139 days ago

https://youtu.be/03ew9cnDs0M?si=2NtJ6AJbSt4Ac71a

mightycw.bsky.social•139 days ago

the opening monologue of Gone Girl except "what have we done to each other" is fill our brains with weird in-jokes

jduvalsmith.bsky.social•139 days ago

I would watch that movie.

camjokesaround.bsky.social•139 days ago

That’s really beautiful

bigkafka.bsky.social•139 days ago

I agree, but do not let the novice be lost. Marriage isn't a disease.

aglebot.bsky.social•139 days ago

If I ever had to get married again this would be my wedding vows. (we used some dumb poem about holding up the ceiling when our arms got tired)

jduvalsmith.bsky.social•139 days ago

Yes that sounds exhausting !

vlime286.bsky.social•140 days ago

A Rocky V tribute, yes

crispycrise.bsky.social•140 days ago

This is accurate

roxconn.bsky.social•139 days ago

Me every five seconds watching Top Gun: Ethan, fly that plane

maxlimit.bsky.social•139 days ago

this may be the most jon bois thing you've ever written

moonburns.bsky.social•140 days ago

Ours is Melvin Gibstein for Mel Gibson. Think Penn Jillette said it once and now we can't not say it.

dnlbrg.bsky.social•140 days ago

I've got that. There's a restaurant here we call Dumb and Dumber in Aspen, the cat's snacks we call pet dreams, and a ton of meme references.

jm6k.bsky.social•140 days ago

no it's tom thunder.

lilysch.bsky.social•139 days ago

💯

wedgeantilles.bsky.social•137 days ago

Somewhere plan dinner is in there

shittyidiot.com•139 days ago

except when he’s in Mission Impossible, then his name is Mister Impossible

geekgrammy.com•138 days ago

This is true.

thealice.bsky.social•140 days ago

In my marriage Walton Goggins is Uncle Baby Billy anytime we see him

angeltoenail.bsky.social•139 days ago

Oh you actually have recognizable words. Last night we made capoobala for dinner, and watched some ghostie.

thedude-iam.bsky.social•139 days ago

This has not been my experience at all, are you and your wife Scientologists? Legit q.

jannone.bsky.social•140 days ago

I agreed with my wife that everyone that took part in making Narcos can just be called “Pablo Escobar” and we never need to remember names. Including the musician that wrote the intro score

ewanspence.co.uk•139 days ago

For us, one of them is waving to the kids as they leave with a "Have fun storming the castle!" ( And quietly asking each other if we think it'll work )

rogerthedodger.bsky.social•139 days ago

dan-b0a.bsky.social•139 days ago

Then you play the “Bake me a pie of love” song on blast.

welcome2absurdia.bsky.social•140 days ago

IMMEDIATE FOLLOW

jrodbad.bsky.social•140 days ago

This is why I'm giving you power when I take over the world.

stevojc.bsky.social•138 days ago

Cangi in our marriage means our meal or drink is ready. Comes from the very old tv food show, Come And Get It. We have quite a few of these.

kirklewisweber.bsky.social•139 days ago

Marital inside jokes are the best!

ted808.bsky.social•140 days ago

. . . and she gets something called a salad, and he gets a big piece of beef, that he eats. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is love.

coigue.bsky.social•140 days ago

It’s actually Tom Gum

katherinemontalto.bsky.social•139 days ago

my husband and I only refer to Robert Patrick as the T-1000. Whenever we see him in a movie or TV show we say "oh look there's the T-1000"

meltinginmaine.bsky.social•139 days ago

Meth Damon on Breaking Bad, but samesies otherwise.

banjo99.bsky.social•140 days ago

Also, you’ll forget what Trader Joe’s is called for a second, call it Merchant Phil’s, and months later a Merchant Phil’s opens a few blocks away and you buy bananas and cinnamon brooms there for years

danielsand.bsky.social•140 days ago

Marriage is not knowing your neighbor’s names. Even after living in the same place for 10 years. So you just call them by their most defining trait.

Like: “oh hey. The wine drinkers are home”.

savasavasava.bsky.social•139 days ago

we have a whole house across the street from us that we have a name for and every member of the household — it is a motley crew — are called things like “[name of house] lad” lol

jwar.bsky.social•139 days ago

I have said the sentence “I think Blue Lives Matter Flag’s daughter just flipped the bird at me even though I’ve never spoken to her?”

savasavasava.bsky.social•139 days ago

lol

deadbarchetta.bsky.social•138 days ago

We have three neighbors named Jeff (one's a Jeffrey I guess) so now I just assume any neighbor whose name I don't know is another Jeff.

pemo.bsky.social•138 days ago

Plausible

branx.bsky.social•140 days ago

It's Mr Rico, Mrs Two Teddy Bears or Mr Parsnip round at our house. We walk our dog and we've known them for years......

danielsand.bsky.social•140 days ago

Ahh you also need to meet Mr. And Ms. Yippie Terrier and Mr. Fancy Car.

jofeanelwa.bsky.social•138 days ago

We had The Mean Next Doors and The Loud Next Doors and The Fire Neighbours. Then we moved and now we have The Large Loud Dog Neighbours and Mrs Next Door but she moved so now we have Mr Next Door.

danielsand.bsky.social•138 days ago

lol. We have “the maga neighbor” (it will not surprise you to know this dude constantly sends letters to the HOA about houses with violations) and “the renter neighbor”.

Renter is new every year. So we just call them that.

shmaesh.bsky.social•137 days ago

We have The Throuple, Nixon's House and The Dog House

fortunasaga.com•139 days ago

"Honey look! Cell Phone Dad just backed over Jogger McBoob's vespa."

geekgrammy.com•138 days ago

With us, it's "the OTHER neighbors," the McGrews, Mark and his cat Brad, "the lawn guy," "the new girl," "the jeep guy," and "that lady with the dog that barks so much."

We've been here over 15 years.

louloubeaned.bsky.social•140 days ago

Categorically correct. Im not even married and i know this to be true

sashiebgood.bsky.social•140 days ago

In my marriage, we both agree that Tom Cruise is the pretty face that a disgusting, family-member stealing, human trafficking, slave-wage-paying cult uses to whitewash its image. And he's a willing participant.

ericbertsch.bsky.social•139 days ago

And
God willing
You’ll both be fans of the same baseball team.

carteredman.bsky.social•140 days ago

"... and that's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown."

kevincarson1.bsky.social•139 days ago

He's a shit-eating grin with legs

emptywheel.bsky.social•140 days ago

Spouse and I watched Top Gun together for the first time recently (we've been married over two decades). But I was raised on it -- I moved to Northern San Diego when it came out and discovered EVERYONE's father consulted on it (they said).

We probably do this with OTHER movies. Not Top Gun.

highme.org•140 days ago

What part of North County? I moved there around then too.

emptywheel.bsky.social•140 days ago

Cowpie.

highme.org•140 days ago

Is that Poway, Ramona or Fallbrook?

emptywheel.bsky.social•140 days ago

Spouse hasn't even been to the barbecue joint downtown in the movie [You've lost that loving feeling] where, at the time, the condom machines in the bathrooms offered a fabulous degree of exotic choice.

josephmoran.bsky.social•140 days ago

"Ribbed for Her Pleasure" in a BBQ joint? Priceless.

emptywheel.bsky.social•140 days ago

Yes, but that was just the start of the fun.

As I recall we bought one of everything and blew them up later in the night.

l0rdmoos3.bsky.social•140 days ago

If there wasn't one that was brisket flavored, they really missed a trick.

jordan.orel.li•140 days ago

in our house "ambiance" is pronounced "ambeyoncé" and that's marriage

d-flo1.bsky.social•138 days ago

Honey?

What?

Wanna go out tonight and see that new movie with Top Gun in it?

xanadian.bsky.social•140 days ago

In our household it's "the planes go zoom-zoom movie."

cupecakish.bsky.social•139 days ago

Ours dates from 90s NBA. Scottie Pippen and Grant Hill were playing, announcer says "Grant Pippen at center court" and since that day I ask if Grant Pippen is playing in every game he watches 😄

limeyemily.bsky.social•140 days ago

This has been my experience

spim.website•140 days ago

ok, I believe you. but Tom Gun don't

mrgan.com•140 days ago

Sounds cool. I’ll check it out, thanks

keefry.bsky.social•140 days ago

Shared little dumbshit jokes: undeniably crucial

simulflow.bsky.social•140 days ago

Constant references to stuff no one else could possibly know about ...

simulflow.bsky.social•139 days ago

EXAMPLE: The time we were watching "The Stand"(1994) and during the Lincoln Tunnel scene, my husband said "What this guy's name? Nick Riviera?"; a corpse onscreen croaked "LARRY" and J said "Oh, guess it's Larry ..." 😆😆😆

johnhoskinson.bsky.social•139 days ago

if my wife ever suggested we watch Top Gun, I’d divorce her. She’d do the same. THAT is marriage - hating the same things.

taxtweet.bsky.social•139 days ago

Bruce Willis' Striking Distance has been River Cop from the get-go for the hubby and me.

sensiblegibber.bsky.social•139 days ago

That's so funny

ferc.bsky.social•140 days ago

so true

nurseninapa.bsky.social•140 days ago

In healthy marriages, no one discusses Tom Cruise. 😉😂

sackofbooks.bsky.social•140 days ago

Not even in Tom Cruise's marriages?

nurseninapa.bsky.social•140 days ago

Only via attorneys.

glensidetwo2.bsky.social•139 days ago

...and then you find you're both so old that you don't know how you'd ever manage without them. One day, one of you will have to, so treasure your friends & family, especially the ones near by.

smoemeth.bsky.social•139 days ago

It’s also going to a Chinese place very early on & your spouse says “Mongolian Chicken” when ordering the Mongolian Beef, and 26 years later it’s still Mongolian Chicken

shmaesh.bsky.social•137 days ago

Ours is gender chicken

andimjaviert.bsky.social•139 days ago

sir thank you. I am learning so much from this

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